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Does great sex create a happy marriage, or vice versa?

What science can tell us about sex.
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Natefirethorn
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Does great sex create a happy marriage, or vice versa?

Post by Natefirethorn »

This might be one of those impossible chicken-and-egg problems, but maybe there’s someone here who understands the psychology. Does having a great sex life drive having a great marital bond, or is it the other way around?
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Jpops
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Re: Does great sex create a happy marriage, or vice versa?

Post by Jpops »

I’ve heard it described this way: Sex is a relationship thermometer, not a thermostat. If the sexual relationship is good, likely the rest of the relationship is too. If not, there’s probably other issues as well.
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SeekingChange
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Re: Does great sex create a happy marriage, or vice versa?

Post by SeekingChange »

I don't know if this is the exact fit with your question, but there are two of us on here who changed our sexual ways and our marriages. She started working on the sexual side and that improved her marriage. I worked on our marriage and that improved the sexual side.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
Slipthegrasp
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Re: Does great sex create a happy marriage, or vice versa?

Post by Slipthegrasp »

Great sex over a sustained period of time can be a fruit of a great marriage but it is not a foundation of a great marriage.  Trust is one of those foundations of a great marriage and you cannot have great sex without great trust.  Build trust, destroy fears and phobias and work your way to great sex.

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Redman
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Re: Does great sex create a happy marriage, or vice versa?

Post by Redman »

Interesting question.  I believe a great marriage creates great desire.  My wife and I have had a great marriage from day one.  And, we had great desire for one another.  However, our sex life is greater today than when we first married.  We were virgins when we married.  We were modest around each other.  We had sex in the dark under the cover, never slept naked, foreplay and sex was over in 15 - 20 minutes.  Through the years we have added OS and toys, and talking during sex, role play, dressing up for sex.   Our sex is greater now, much more frequent and way more playful.   Is our marriage better, because our sex life is better?  I’d say no, our marriage was great from the start.
Empowered
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Re: Does great sex create a happy marriage, or vice versa?

Post by Empowered »

Why not both? Does good sex, on average, lead to a happy marriage? YES! Does a happy marriage, on average, lead to better sex? YES!
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Duchess
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Re: Does great sex create a happy marriage, or vice versa?

Post by Duchess »

When we married we married for better or worse. That includes sex. We've had dry spells in our sex life that were unpleasant and even painful, but I didn't feel like that made our marriage bad. It was just a season.
one_woman_man
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Re: Does great sex create a happy marriage, or vice versa?

Post by one_woman_man »

I believe a good marriage sets the stage for a good sex life.

Many good marriages have good sex lives. But few bad marriages have good sex lives.
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