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Now that I've been thinking of ideas for more "quantitative" QOTDs that are almost like polls, this topic has come to the forefront in my mind again. So, does anyone here have suggestions on how to measure the libido of a someone with responsive desire? Many of us must be doing it in some way since we talk HD/LD in marriages with at least one person with responsive desire. I also realize that an answer might be that putting a responsive-desire spouse onto a libido "strength" scale doesn't even make sense, so if you believe that, speak up and say it!
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I had a conversation about sex with someone just recently. She is at a busy stage in life with several small children. She said sometimes she gets so horny she wants sex right now. I can't say that I have EVER felt that in all our marriage. I can't even begin to imagine that!
Hmmm...this is tough to answer. Most of the time responsive drive is never given the chance to find their “level” of drive because activity is driven by the HD spouse. I know you can be HD and responsive, but it seems to be more common to be LD and responsive.
This would have been way too hard to evaluate at other times in our marriage, but now that we are both in a healthier place, I would say I don’t like to go longer than 3 days without having sex. What is motivating me is the desire for connection, not a physical drive. We have had several years of re-wiring, and now sex has different associations with it. Overall, sex is no longer something that is emotionally painful, and scary (a few small exceptions, which I have posted on here about). Instead sex is continuing to be something I associate with feeling close to my husband and something pleasurable.
I also have worked to make sexual flirting a natural part of our daily life, so we are having some kind of sexual interactions every day. I think this builds to a natural conclusion of sex and keeps me pushing towards that connection. If we get to three days with no sex, and it feels odd now. Again though, this nothing about a physical drive/horniness, but emotional desire for fun, connection and even an emotional desire for pleasure with my husband