Ballad wrote:Most recently, what churches we have attended have been from traditions where not a lot of direct social interaction is expected. That helps as a relief of the pressure to be involved, but may not provide any suitable basis for close friendships or boundary work. It's also different enough that the format of services is still alien and slightly uncomfortable.
We left more evangelical or even charismatic churches for one that practices an Anglican style of worship. We find a lot of life there. Being somewhat introverted, I find comfort in less emphasis on "fellowship." I have found opportunities to be involved on a limited basis, and that is leading to some relationships with potential.
I agree with your conclusion of the first boundary to be set in a new church setting. I think you can stretch enough to stand up and smile, maybe, and then say, "If we visit again, we would love to meet you for coffee." That would instead of going home with them the first Sunday you visit. You could even prolong those conversations to find out whether you have common interests and then accept or decline on that basis.
I think a boundary lover is proactive about relationships. I have a background in travel and tourism, so it's almost automatic for me to say, "Tell me about your hobbies/children/job/home town," and go from there. You might think of ways to uncover information to help you find healthy relationships.