Leah in Mid-South wrote:Time for healing is necessary when boundaries have been encroached. I think the boundary was appropriate. Boundaries define us and keep us safe, but they do not undo the damage done by someone else.
Leah, that is spot-on.
It was only after time and further talking had restored confidence, and some emotional intimacy, that I felt able to to ML again.
The main thing that I have discovered about the whole "Boundaries" series is that I should use boundaries to protect myself from being hurt, and that when someone else causes some hurt, I need to be explicit in setting both the boundary and the consequences of breach.
The example I gave, of a husband who was tempted to overspend in the first few days of the month and then have to get bailed out by his wife is a really good case in point. I was brought up in central Scotland where there was a major problem with alcohol abuse. On Fridays (payday) at the factory where my father worked, there would be several wives outside the gate, waiting for their husbands to get paid, and they take the housekeeping then give their husbands their 'pocket money' for the coming week. Some of those husbands did not have any money to go out with by Saturday night. But what I saw was a perfect example of boundaries in action. If the wife did not get her housekeeping, then the family might go without that week. Her boundary was, if you give me what I need to keep the family fed for the week, then I will let you do what you like with the rest. If you do not do that, then I will meet you publicly and take the money I need for housekeeping and let you have the rest. It was not done from a Christian perpsective, but it worked. It might have worked better if the husband had come home to the wife with the wage packet, but many of them could not be trusted to do that because of their addiction to alcohol.
KC, perhaps in your case you need to set a boundary about something that is really, really, important to you, and tell your DW both what the boundary is and what the consequences of her breaching that boundary is. And stick to it.