Emotional and Physical distance

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Blovesme
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Emotional and Physical distance

Postby Blovesme » Wed Apr 03, 2013 10:05 am

I need some help understanding these. What does each look like? I understand that Physical could mean leaving the room or leaving the home or even leaving the marriage. I am not sure how Emotional should look.

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Leah
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Re: Emotional and Physical distance

Postby Leah » Wed Apr 03, 2013 6:15 pm

Good question.

I think emotional distance does not mean the silent treatment. I think it does mean that I am not as emotionally available to listen and empathize. The way I picture it, is my emotional availability follows me around. It doesn't extend beyond my physical presence unless I choose otherwise. It means I do not share my feelings or story as readily and I do not respond emotionally.

I think example might help. Years ago when we were in the thick of the porn stuff, we made some big changes in our lives. One was a change in churches. We didn't share our reasons with anyone, but I got a lot of phone calls. "We miss you." I would say, "Thank you," and let that be it. I would express that I appreciated the call and thank you for thinking of me, but I did not share one whisper of our story or reasons or anything. People still do not know. Part of it was that it was not only my story to share. The other part was that most of the people who called were looking for gossip to pass around. I was not emotionally available to confide in any of them. Even when I run into them now, I am happy to see them and I ask about them and their families, but I do not confide any of my personal stuff. I share about my job, and show pictures of my grandchildren, but that's about it.

Did I lose some friends in doing that? Maybe, and maybe not. If I had been close enough to any of those people to share in the first place, they would have known all along. But we were not that close, and I don't feel like I sacrificed anything. In fact, if someone wanted to pursue a friendship now, I might be open to that and we might become close. I still reserve the right not to confide every jot and tittle of what goes on in my life.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


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Blovesme
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Re: Emotional and Physical distance

Postby Blovesme » Wed Apr 03, 2013 6:42 pm

In a marriage situation, I see it as, I am not available to share a laugh or moment with dh. I don't run over to look at his newest funny video on line or cool scenery he sees. If I do look, I just say yes, that is funny or yes, that is a nice sunset. I am polite but not overly involved the way I usually would be.
Would that be an example of emotional distance? or silent treatment?

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Leah
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Re: Emotional and Physical distance

Postby Leah » Wed Apr 03, 2013 7:13 pm

I think you are on target not to jump up to run look at a video. Getting real close to the line on not smiling or laughing.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


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