My dad's fiance is foreign and younger than me

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tjw
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Re: My dad's fiance is foreign and younger than me

Postby tjw » Fri Nov 24, 2017 8:48 am

I have no knowledge of AFA. However, I think it is quite normal that you would be concerned about the age difference. If I were in your position, I would be concerned that this is a situation of "use".

While younger women are frequently attracted to a "father figure" and can mistake their emotions, I think it is more frequently true that the younger woman is opportunistic. This is of particular concern where the older man is financially stable and perhaps quite more stable than the younger woman. When this occurs cross-culturally, the financial strata may even be more widely differentiated.

The older man is excited by the attention from the younger woman, it makes him feel "alive" and allows him to prolong the view of mortality. It's quite an "ego kibble".

Many of these things don't actually survive too long. I got involved in one of these after my second wife went home to be with the Lord. I met a young Latina woman on the short-term-mission field and had some continued contact. Nothing too serious, but boy was my heart singing !!!

Sometimes, it can be emotionally soothing for both of them for a while, after which they "come to their senses" and recognize that there are no long-term possibilities. This is exactly what happened with us.

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VikingJ
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Re: My dad's fiance is foreign and younger than me

Postby VikingJ » Fri Nov 24, 2017 9:13 am

Age difference is commonly wider in South America, your dads bigger than normal but not that extreme.
What would worry me, who said that I would never marry a Latina because of the possibility that the interest would be more about my passport and wallet than me as a person and still ended up marrying one, is just the fact that marriages out of interest, not love is pretty common.
In marriages based on interest affairs are pretty common.


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poetess
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Re: My dad's fiance is foreign and younger than me

Postby poetess » Fri Nov 24, 2017 10:14 am

The age gap would feel weird to me, too, if my dad's wife was younger than I. That said, there is nothing innately immoral about it, and for some couples it works really well. If I had married in my twenties, I might have married a fifty-year-old--most of my friends were at least 20 years older than me, and some were quite a bit older than that. She gets greater maturity and life balance in a mate, and he gets youth and a higher chance of offspring. In America, we hardly ever see a marriage with even ten years difference, but historically it isn't all that uncommon, and in some cultures it still isn't.

Hopefully your dad is being careful and he knows that this is not a scammer. But if he chooses to marry her, they will be legitimately husband and wife, and at that point whatever feelings you have about the matter are only feelings, and feelings that you'll need to deal with as you choose to accept her into your life.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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MayDayGirl
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Re: My dad's fiance is foreign and younger than me

Postby MayDayGirl » Fri Nov 24, 2017 1:50 pm

Just googling it, the first thing that comes up is a website devoted to complaints about it. Lots of talk about organized crime, etc. Not sure how you will convince him if he already thinks he's in love.

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Leah
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Re: My dad's fiance is foreign and younger than me

Postby Leah » Fri Nov 24, 2017 4:22 pm

Two words: Pre-nup..........................
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