Soldier Homecoming

For the discussion of relationship issues between engaged couples.
ballerspicy2423
Twin size
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 7:52 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): June 25th, 2015
Gender: Female

Soldier Homecoming

Postby ballerspicy2423 » Fri Mar 28, 2014 6:45 pm

My man is coming home here in August and I am trying to figure out how to greet him without kissing? I have kissed so many guys in the past but after I came to Christ I decided not to kiss anyone until my wedding day. Any suggestions how to approach this situation without making it awkward? I haven't seen him in almost a year and miss him dearly.



I was physically and sexually abused since I was a toddler and I am now 21 years old. I was very promiscuous during my teen years and lost my virginity at the age of 11. I have a complex form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it has definitely affected our relationship. Three years ago I re-dedicated my life to Christ and decided to stop all sexual activity including kissing until after my wedding. :) He is fully aware of this and although he wants to kiss me, he won't because he respects my wishes and purity too much.
Last edited by ballerspicy2423 on Sat Mar 29, 2014 5:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
jokerman
Under the stars
Posts: 3969
Joined: Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:26 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 15th, 1987
Gender: Male

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby jokerman » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:14 pm

Are the two of you engaged?

User avatar
Bear
California King
Posts: 786
Joined: Mon Nov 11, 2013 1:43 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): September 26th, 1987
Gender: Male

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby Bear » Sat Mar 29, 2014 6:03 am

Maybe unpack for yourself why NOT kissing him is 'being awkward'?

Perhaps an appropriate kiss would be perfectly appropriate?
The same women who are ready to defend their men through thick and thin are...lucid about...the thickness of his head.
Love is not blind; that is the last thing it is. Love is bound; and the more it is bound the less it is blind.
-GK Chesterton

User avatar
The Knight's Lady
Hammock
Posts: 942
Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:21 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): June 24th, 2005
Gender: Female
Location: On an adventure!
Contact:

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby The Knight's Lady » Sat Mar 29, 2014 7:50 am

Is he aware of your decision not to kiss?
Married to The Lady's Knight and mommy to our Little Knight and Little Lady

sd595
Under the stars
Posts: 3217
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2012 7:26 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 5th, 1996
Gender: Male

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby sd595 » Sat Mar 29, 2014 8:22 am

It is awesome that you have come to Jesus! First and foremost this is wonderful!

Another thread around here discusses this a bit that you might want to read:

viewtopic.php?f=13&t=61160

Is your solder saved? Where is his walk with the Lord?
Get out your bible and see what He says. Pray to Him right now and ask Him for His wisdom in the matter. He will not fail you if you put your faith and trust in Him.

User avatar
CandC320
Queen bed
Posts: 207
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:12 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 4th, 1963
Gender: Male
Location: Upper Midwest USA

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby CandC320 » Sat Mar 29, 2014 9:39 am

I may be old fashioned but if it was me coming home, I sure would appreciate a big hug and kiss from my intended. :wink:

DH

ballerspicy2423
Twin size
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 7:52 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): June 25th, 2015
Gender: Female

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby ballerspicy2423 » Sat Mar 29, 2014 5:15 pm

sd595 wrote:It is awesome that you have come to Jesus! First and foremost this is wonderful!

Another thread around here discusses this a bit that you might want to read:


Is your solder saved? Where is his walk with the Lord?




Yes he is saved and loves the Lord so much! We have decided not to kiss due to my past problems with promiscuity and temptation to go too far. I have not kissed anyone in three years and would like to share our first kiss on our wedding day. :D

ballerspicy2423
Twin size
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 7:52 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): June 25th, 2015
Gender: Female

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby ballerspicy2423 » Sat Mar 29, 2014 5:17 pm

The Knight's Lady wrote:Is he aware of your decision not to kiss?


Yes, but he wants to kiss me. Unfortunately I have had problems with promiscuity in the past and kissing can be one of my greatest weaknesses when it comes to intimacy. Which is why after I re-dedicated my life to Christ I decided I wasn't going to kiss anyone until my wedding day. It's been three years now and its actually not as hard as it was in the past. But the Lord heals and renews :)

User avatar
jokerman
Under the stars
Posts: 3969
Joined: Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:26 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 15th, 1987
Gender: Male

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby jokerman » Sat Mar 29, 2014 5:28 pm

A soldier's homecoming is one of those events that happens once or maybe 2-3 times in a person's life. To not greet him with a kiss seems, at least to me, like a parent not kissing their new baby. I can't fathom that decision in that context. Since the kiss will be public, I also can't see how it will lead to trouble. He has not agreed to the no-kiss rule; by not kissing your returning soldier when he finally returns home, I do think there will be hurt feelings.

That is just my opinion.

sd595
Under the stars
Posts: 3217
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2012 7:26 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 5th, 1996
Gender: Male

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby sd595 » Sat Mar 29, 2014 5:48 pm

ballerspicy2423 wrote:Yes he is saved and loves the Lord so much!


Excellent. :)

ballerspicy2423 wrote:Which is why after I re-dedicated my life to Christ I decided I wasn't going to kiss anyone until my wedding day.

ballerspicy2423 wrote:We have decided not to kiss

ballerspicy2423 wrote:Yes, but he wants to kiss me.


I think this is going to be something you are going to have to work out with him...
Get out your bible and see what He says. Pray to Him right now and ask Him for His wisdom in the matter. He will not fail you if you put your faith and trust in Him.

ballerspicy2423
Twin size
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 7:52 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): June 25th, 2015
Gender: Female

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby ballerspicy2423 » Sat Mar 29, 2014 5:57 pm

jokerman wrote:A soldier's homecoming is one of those events that happens once or maybe 2-3 times in a person's life. To not greet him with a kiss seems, at least to me, like a parent not kissing their new baby. I can't fathom that decision in that context. Since the kiss will be public, I also can't see how it will lead to trouble. He has not agreed to the no-kiss rule; by not kissing your returning soldier when he finally returns home, I do think there will be hurt feelings.

That is just my opinion.



Yes but you only have one wedding day. Why not save it for the only event that will occur once in a persons life? ;)

User avatar
jokerman
Under the stars
Posts: 3969
Joined: Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:26 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 15th, 1987
Gender: Male

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby jokerman » Sat Mar 29, 2014 6:12 pm

I think your mind is made up. Hopefully someone will answer your question for how to come up with a non-awkward way to greet your fiance/soldier without kissing him.

User avatar
Dgenerous
Under the stars
Posts: 3270
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:27 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): February 19th, 2005
Gender: Female

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby Dgenerous » Sat Mar 29, 2014 6:31 pm

I have some experience in that area. My husband and I had been married for over a year and the reunion was still awkward. Family was all around and he seemed like a different person in some ways. My advice is to not over plan... It didn't go how I had envisioned. If you're concerned about temptation I think you should be much more wary about the first time you two are alone together than the initial greeting.

I think your reasons for waiting to kiss are great. Kissing was always a gateway drug for me, too. ;)
I have found the one whom my soul loves.

ballerspicy2423
Twin size
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 7:52 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): June 25th, 2015
Gender: Female

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby ballerspicy2423 » Sun Mar 30, 2014 11:47 am

Dgenerous wrote:I have some experience in that area. My husband and I had been married for over a year and the reunion was still awkward. Family was all around and he seemed like a different person in some ways. My advice is to not over plan... It didn't go how I had envisioned. If you're concerned about temptation I think you should be much more wary about the first time you two are alone together than the initial greeting.

I think your reasons for waiting to kiss are great. Kissing was always a gateway drug for me, too. ;)


How was the reunion awkward? haha I think ours will be too.. Where was your husband stationed when he deployed?

User avatar
Dgenerous
Under the stars
Posts: 3270
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:27 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): February 19th, 2005
Gender: Female

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby Dgenerous » Sun Mar 30, 2014 1:11 pm

It just felt like getting to know each other all over again. I'm not sure how to explain it.

He was not actually deployed. He was actually at a year long school where we had virtually no contact. (Letters only.) It is not an experience common to most US Servicemembers, so it's difficult to explain.
I have found the one whom my soul loves.

mamame
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Posts: 7580
Joined: Sat Sep 17, 2005 1:16 pm

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby mamame » Sun Mar 30, 2014 5:38 pm

I was surprised to find that my family members had a really hard time coming home. It wasn't an easy transition. None of them came back the same person. They felt guilty being home when their buddies were still there etc.
I was crushed that they didn't want a big welcome home scene. We were actually prohibited from doing it for my father. He flew in wearing civilian clothes and the government did not want it known he was a soldier.

....posted from phone

User avatar
Portbailey
Double
Posts: 88
Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2011 10:26 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): July 20th, 1990
Gender: Male

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby Portbailey » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:26 pm

I hope you are able to get healing/therapy for the sexual abuse. The impact it has on your life won’t go away on its own and it will be very difficult to have a “normal” healthy relationship if left untreated.

ballerspicy2423
Twin size
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 7:52 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): June 25th, 2015
Gender: Female

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby ballerspicy2423 » Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:41 pm

Portbailey wrote:I hope you are able to get healing/therapy for the sexual abuse. The impact it has on your life won’t go away on its own and it will be very difficult to have a “normal” healthy relationship if left untreated.


Do you think going through treatment before marriage would better than going through treatment after? I know Joyce Meyer for instance brought her trauma into her marriage.

InGodsGrace
Under the stars
Posts: 2100
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2004 3:46 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 9th, 1999
Gender: Female

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby InGodsGrace » Mon Mar 31, 2014 6:16 pm

ballerspicy2423 wrote:
Portbailey wrote:I hope you are able to get healing/therapy for the sexual abuse. The impact it has on your life won’t go away on its own and it will be very difficult to have a “normal” healthy relationship if left untreated.


Do you think going through treatment before marriage would better than going through treatment after? I know Joyce Meyer for instance brought her trauma into her marriage.


Wouldn't you feel better getting rid of that weight BEFORE you get married? I truly believe Joyve Meyer would not have married first if she had to do it over. You will feel soooooo much better if you get treated now. And your MB will be better too. Don't bring extra baggage into ANY relationship if you don't have to.

User avatar
Portbailey
Double
Posts: 88
Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2011 10:26 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): July 20th, 1990
Gender: Male

Re: Soldier Homecoming

Postby Portbailey » Tue Apr 01, 2014 9:40 am

I can tell you that my wife hid her sexual abuse for 41 years. She was abused by three brothers starting at age 4. It wasn’t until her dad (who was not involved in the abuse) passed away that it started coming out. She hid it for all those years to protect his ministry.
I would encourage anyone that has experienced sexual abuse to read the book “Not Marked” by Mary Demuth. It is very well written from a Christian view point. Two in three women have experienced sexual abuse. The effect sex abuse has on your sex life is profound. Based on my experience and going through therapy with my wife, I would make every effort to get healed before getting married. In our situation, the site or touch of semen triggered my wife to remember her abuse. She lived with those horrible memories every time she saw it or some got on her. I don’t post much anymore, but when I read stories on TMB of woman that struggle with their sex lives and have low libido, I always wonder if they have been abused.


Return to “Relationship Issues”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users