Leah wrote:I'm not speaking for the girl. I think this level of anger is inappropriate to the situation.
Now that's interesting....
you noted the "message sent". that would indicate you're aware of how it was received.
I don't necessarily disagree with you, I believe I'm a bit sensitive to the process or how we process. It's been a personal study lately.
I've noted recently I've been expecting our son to process like I do
. He can't
. Some day, maybe. but now, no.
Can keepingitpure? IDK.
Love expressed a while back that my response to pressure or tough situations didn't convey safety to her. I didn't...respond the way she was used to
. I was too measured, seemingly unaffected by what was going on, withdrawn was a good descriptor. Yet when I did respond or act, when the jumpmaster barked the order, there was a flurry of activity. stuff was handled quickly, decisively, the time for process
was over. it scared her.
In counsel it was noted she confused my processing with dealing. they were one in the same. and measured responses wasn't something she was accustomed to. It didn't help that I had a weak clutch trying to control a lot of torque.
I think I judge peoples process and judge it to be unsatisfactory, while not really discerning how
they process. Our son needs to talk things out a bit, needs to handle all the parts of what's going on before he can act, he doesn't withdraw, he actively engages in narrative but needs to do so with a person. talk about crazy making. Our daughter on the other hand is nearly the opposite. she issues a 'whatever' with accompanying body language and sets off to her room. she needs to be alone, separation
. That doesn't work either. Of course I can relate to that.
I think I hear that, the dissatisfaction with keepingitpures process, going on. idk......
And what level of anger is
appropriate concerning sexual immorality? He did say he wasn't angry at her. Rather he seems to be angry that someone he's in love with has that
experience in her bag of experiences. What level of anger is appropriate for that? jealous.?. why wouldn't he be jealous?
or is it what he did with that anger? paced about outside with his fists clenched. unable to verbally process the news in a manner that conveys safety and...acceptance, itllbeokness. Then he came back to the car and tried to express itllbeokness.
What level of anger did God display as His nation involved themselves in sexual immorality and the sacrificing of innocence for generations until one day He marched down the Assyrian army to brutally slaughter His chosen people? Gets uncomfortable right about there. Was the level of anger appropriate, His response....of course it was. of course it is
. is keepingitpures??? idk.
I hear two issues. how keepingitpure processed the news. and what he's doing about it.
also that our own sin is
weighed against that of others(fiancee). that's just reality.
Can he learn to be more measured, can he learn to exhibit a physical reaction (body language) that encourages an environment of safety? I hope so. the insight from many of the women (wives
) suggest he needs to. while the men seem to agree. I agree. I think the other issue is what is he going to do with it? sometimes it's nothing. sometimes it's praising for having the courage to share, to be vulnerable, to build intimacy. to thank her for having the courage to not run away at his reaction. And a sincere intention (to include accountability) to learn to process in a manner that encourages him to be a bit more measured. And to remember that the log in our eye is often indeed a log compared to the speck in another's eye. perspective.