Wife's Hysterectomy vs Communication

This section is for husbands of women who are dealing with reproductive cancer or hysterectomy.
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This section is for husbands of women who are dealing with reproductive cancer or hysterectomy. Women who have been through these things are encouraged to post answers and suggestions for the men. Women dealing with these issues now should use the Reproductive cancer & Hysterectomy (women) forum. To post in this section you will need to subscribe to a group – see viewtopic.php?f=34&t=41250

Wife's Hysterectomy vs Communication

Postby QuietDan » Tue Aug 21, 2012 9:59 am

My wife had a Hysterectomy 3 weeks ago. I have been browsing about on the internet off and on this last month looking up and reading a bit about hysterectomies and the various issues. Falling victim to some of the general advise online about spouses needing to have communication and share thoughts and concerns...
I made a semi disasterous step last week attempting to initiate a conversation about issues, concerns, observations... etc....
This is about the ...... maybe .... 7 th time in 25 years.... I made the mistake of trying to have a conversation about any aspect of this subject matter.
I think about 5 of the attempts were probable in years 2 thru 7.... before... I started to get a clue.....
I opened up my mental memo book ( you know.... one of those pocket 80 sheet booklets you can by at walmart for less than a dollar.)
Fumbled through my mind till I found the sheet where I had jotted down a couple of troubling.... concerns, fears, fustrations.....
And... I must say..... I thought I managed not to completely blow it by starting out with .... I am so fustrated that " you" !!!..... etc.
It took me a while to learn not to do that....
At anyrate.... I thought I was very polite, caring, concerned and compassionate at trying to initiate this conversation....
I was almost impressed for a moment at just how articulate and diplomatic I thought I was being....
My wife.... did a mental... Google Search..... and got.... the 8,400,000 hits on Marriage Intimacy Issues and Problems....
I was sound informed and convinced that.... I truly was... selfish, thoughtless, foolish, and now very informed at just how innept I am at being a husband, spouse, parent,.... friend....
.... Hopefully I have learned my lesson this time.... I will not attempt a conversation with my wife on this subject matter for at least..... I am thinking.... 60 years ????

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Re: Wife's Hysterectomy vs Communication

Postby Dale » Tue Aug 21, 2012 11:49 am

Not trying to minimize what your wife said that hurt you at all....but you have to realize that 3 weeks is a VERY short time after a MAJOR life-changing surgery for a woman to get hit with "frustrations" from her spouse without her getting sent over the emotional deep end by her mind that is still reeling from the surgery and the resultant effects on her hormones.

My wife had a hysterectomy back in December, and she still deals with all manner of hormone-related ups and downs, and will probably continue to do so for quite a while.

What I'm saying is not to use this incident as an indicator that this will be her new normal. You have to give her a good amount of time and space and grace and loving compassion as her body and mind readjust themselves after the surgery.


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