To get the ball rolling

This section is for husbands of women who are dealing with reproductive cancer or hysterectomy.
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This section is for husbands of women who are dealing with reproductive cancer or hysterectomy. Women who have been through these things are encouraged to post answers and suggestions for the men. Women dealing with these issues now should use the Reproductive cancer & Hysterectomy (women) forum. To post in this section you will need to subscribe to a group – see viewtopic.php?f=34&t=41250
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Dale
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To get the ball rolling

Postby Dale » Thu Feb 17, 2011 6:59 am

Welcome to the new section, guys!

My DW had a hysterectomy in December 2010. She dealt with a lot of pain and problems for several years before she was able to finally come to the decision to have it done, and it's been great so far!

Just wanted to get the ball rolling on this new TMB section, and let you know that there are others on the boards that understand the struggles you may be going through and the questions you may have!

Dale

cycleman

Re: To get the ball rolling

Postby cycleman » Fri Feb 18, 2011 6:14 pm

My DW had a total hysterectomy as well 12/10. Typical 6 weeks general recovery time. From what dr found during surgery, she (dr) said DW had probably been feeling "bad" for a long time but didn't realize it as it came on gradually. Anyway, since the surgery, and as healing progressed, she has felt better. She is on a hormone patch to keep that aspect regulated. Total recovery will probably take upwards of a year. DW seems to enjoy ML more than before surgery, obviously due to the issue noted above. So far so good...

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Dale
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Re: To get the ball rolling

Postby Dale » Fri Feb 18, 2011 6:59 pm

cycleman wrote:My DW had a total hysterectomy as well 12/10. Typical 6 weeks general recovery time. From what dr found during surgery, she (dr) said DW had probably been feeling "bad" for a long time but didn't realize it as it came on gradually. Anyway, since the surgery, and as healing progressed, she has felt better. She is on a hormone patch to keep that aspect regulated. Total recovery will probably take upwards of a year. DW seems to enjoy ML more than before surgery, obviously due to the issue noted above. So far so good...


Your wife had one two days after mine!

With my DW, they only took one of the ovaries, so there shouldn't be a need for any hormone replacement, although we will have to wait and see.

We are having the same experience as far as ML. Without the pain, there is much more enjoyment for both of us! :D

Dale

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Re: To get the ball rolling

Postby Luv2LuvHer » Sat Feb 26, 2011 6:12 pm

My wife had a partial hysterectomy on 12/15/10 due to a prolapsed usterus. They took the uterus except for part of the cervix to prevent cervical cancer. They then repaired the vaginal vault to put the bladder and rectum back in place as well. It has been a little hard to regain our pattern of intimacy. Before surgery, the uterus was a major problem. Since surgery, it has been difficult to get her stretched out again. Tightening up the vagina has caused pain upon insertion as well as pain after intimacy. Have either of you encountered this problem too or is it just due to her repair procedure?

One of her co-workers had pretty much the same procedure a year ago and agreed that the pain and soreness take some getting used to but it will improve with time.
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Dale
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Re: To get the ball rolling

Postby Dale » Sun Feb 27, 2011 5:34 am

Luv2LuvHer wrote:My wife had a partial hysterectomy on 12/15/10 due to a prolapsed usterus. They took the uterus except for part of the cervix to prevent cervical cancer. They then repaired the vaginal vault to put the bladder and rectum back in place as well. It has been a little hard to regain our pattern of intimacy. Before surgery, the uterus was a major problem. Since surgery, it has been difficult to get her stretched out again. Tightening up the vagina has caused pain upon insertion as well as pain after intimacy. Have either of you encountered this problem too or is it just due to her repair procedure?

One of her co-workers had pretty much the same procedure a year ago and agreed that the pain and soreness take some getting used to but it will improve with time.


Has she been checked for scar tissue from the surgery? if they repaired her vaginal vault, then I would think it possible that some scar tissue has already formed that would make sex difficult. Maybe a CT scan is in order to see if there is anything there??

Dale

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Re: To get the ball rolling

Postby Luv2LuvHer » Mon Feb 28, 2011 9:15 am

Dale

Thanks for that question. The surgeon said at tour last visit that it would be like before we were married so we expected the tightness. The reduced size cavity wise was kind of a surprise though. In speaking to a friend who had pretty much the same procedure, we have concluded we just need to give it time. So we will practice, practice, practice. :D The pain is more discomfort than anything else.


L2LH
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Dale
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Re: To get the ball rolling

Postby Dale » Mon Feb 28, 2011 10:22 am

Luv2LuvHer wrote:So we will practice, practice, practice. :D


Well, practice makes perfect! :D And it's better than the obligatory abstinence after the surgery, I'm sure! I hated that!!!

Dale

Mr. Self Respect

Ten years is a long, long time.

Postby Mr. Self Respect » Tue May 10, 2011 9:25 pm

My wife had a full hysterectomy in August 2001. It will be ten years this fall. She was diagnosed with stage 1 ovarian cancer. She had a complete removal of the uterus and ovaries. She was actually quite fortunate: her cancer was discovered early, and she was able to undergo the surgery, before the cancer had spread. She survived, and for that, I am thankful to the Lord.

Honestly, I simply look back at the last ten years with profound sadness. Our sex life was non-existent before the operation; the same is true now, ten years on. All told, we have not had sex in nearly 18 years. I see no path back to a sexual relationship, for me an my wife.

That is horrible. But I consider what could be worse: she could have died of cancer ten years ago. I think of the possibility of that, and shudder.

If that had happened, I would have needed to raise our children entirely on my own. I honestly don't think I would have made it, if I had to do that on my own. And my children would not have turned out as well as they did - if they had been raised solely by me. I can honestly say that my wife is a better parent.

Our marriage is really more like a friendship now. The strange thing about the surgery is this: it eliminated a lot of the conflict in our marriage. My wife was really angry at me, in general, before the surgery. Now, I think she is just sad and disillusioned.

I had hoped that the surgery would turn my wife towards God. Sadly, it didn't. For some people, adversity can bring them closer to God; for others, it doesn't. If anything, the surgery hardened my wife's unbelief.

For those of you whose spouses survived, give thanks to God. I do. And if you were able to re-establish a sexual relationship with your wife - give thanks to God for that as well. For you have been blessed twice.

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Re: To get the ball rolling

Postby littledinobug » Fri Jul 29, 2011 9:12 am

Luv2LuvHer wrote:Dale

Thanks for that question. The surgeon said at tour last visit that it would be like before we were married so we expected the tightness. The reduced size cavity wise was kind of a surprise though. In speaking to a friend who had pretty much the same procedure, we have concluded we just need to give it time. So we will practice, practice, practice. :D The pain is more discomfort than anything else.


L2LH



FYI: Coconut oil is great for helping soften up scar tissue.

btw No Hysterectomy here but I did have a rectocele repair done...DH has been gone for most of my recovery so...the whole abstinence part hasn't been as difficult. lol.

I'm kinda nervous/scared about the pain too....but Imma use coconut oil
SAHM to two kids and wife to This guy here

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Re: To get the ball rolling

Postby ledgemoor » Sat Jul 30, 2011 3:41 pm

HI Dale--just noticed this topic. Glad everything went well.

Mr. Self Respect, glad they caughat the Ovarian cancer early. Curious, how did they diagnose it? My DW had endometrial cancer, and they removed two perfectly good ovaries because they said there was no other way to tell if the cancer had spread to them or not.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

Mr. Self Respect

Re: To get the ball rolling

Postby Mr. Self Respect » Sat Jul 30, 2011 4:06 pm

ledgemoor wrote:HI Dale--just noticed this topic. Glad everything went well.

Mr. Self Respect, glad they caughat the Ovarian cancer early. Curious, how did they diagnose it? My DW had endometrial cancer, and they removed two perfectly good ovaries because they said there was no other way to tell if the cancer had spread to them or not.



She actually had an ovarian cyst that ruptured. During the surgury for that, they discovered the cancer. Otherwise, it likely would have gone undetected, until it was too late. In retrospect, she was a very, very lucky woman.

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Re: To get the ball rolling

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Jul 31, 2011 11:10 am

Close call to be sure.

Honestly, I simply look back at the last ten years with profound sadness. Our sex life was non-existent before the operation; the same is true now, ten years on. All told, we have not had sex in nearly 18 years. I see no path back to a sexual relationship, for me an my wife.


Yeah, it seems rare that a hysterectomy HELPS anyone's sex life. Women who refused before a hysterectomy now have an excuse. I pray that you can find a way to address her refusal.

I can honestly say that my wife is a better parent.


Yeah, that is usualy the case.

Our marriage is really more like a friendship now. The strange thing about the surgery is this: it eliminated a lot of the conflict in our marriage. My wife was really angry at me, in general, before the surgery. Now, I think she is just sad and disillusioned.


Why the change do you think? Just happy to be alive? One thing for sure, neither of us sweat the little stuff anymore.

I had hoped that the surgery would turn my wife towards God. Sadly, it didn't. For some people, adversity can bring them closer to God; for others, it doesn't. If anything, the surgery hardened my wife's unbelief.


I can empathise with her. Sure, I've very very greatful that Wife is alive and well -- it could have been a lot worse. But it still bites. She is so careful with her health, is so young and otherwise healthy, and women of her race are not prone to endometrial cancer. You really feel like someone stacked the deck against you.

For those of you whose spouses survived, give thanks to God. I do. And if you were able to re-establish a sexual relationship with your wife - give thanks to God for that as well. For you have been blessed twice.


Good point -- it was like getting married to a virgin again, not the excitement, but the pain and learning the ropes all over again. But we have and it good again. Thanks for reminding me of that.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)


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