A "limit" of a different type.....

What limits should we set before marriage?
tjw
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Date of your marriage (past or future): April 17th, 2010
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A "limit" of a different type.....

Postby tjw » Mon Nov 14, 2016 7:18 am

There are some very good threads here about "limits" and how to maintain christian discipline during courtship.

But it has come to my attention, as tjw the aged, having had 3 marriages in this temporal life, that there should be another kind of "limit" placed
on courtship, besides the short-term limits which must be endured through courtship.

The bible instructs christian married people to not deprive each other of sexual relations. Some translations use the word "defraud"......

Please set this limit upon your courtship. Please limit your dating and your expressed interest in a potential marital partner to those who you WANT
to be sexual with. Do not "defraud" your mate, selecting him/her based on other characteristics such as devotion to God, potential to be a good parent, money-earning ability, while thinking that you will "learn" to be attracted to him/her sexually. This mode of selection is truly self-seeking, and does not consider your potential mate's needs and how you will meet them at all.

I'm not saying that these characteristics are unimportant, and I clearly would not advise anyone to marry a partner who did not have these characteristics. However, the greatest likelihood is that if you are not attracted to your mate now, you will never be. You will subject yourself to a lifetime of "servicing" your mate out of "duty", and your mate to a lifetime of being heartbroken and feeling rejected.

Unfulfilled
Hammock
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Re: A "limit" of a different type.....

Postby Unfulfilled » Mon Nov 14, 2016 8:13 am

Well said!

Our premarital prep class had a quiz we each had to take separately. Then the computer graded it and graphed things etc. it showed a major divergence on the sex issue. I discounted this as something we would learn and grow in. I was dead wrong. Sex has been the single greatest and major barrier in our marriage without exception.

So I strongly advise as you said that the difficult discussion MUST be had and if there is a major difference or incompatiblity that extreme caution should be used anther or not the two people really ought to get married.


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