Lack of sex drive due to porn reboot

Addiction, wrong expectations, habitual masturbation ...
User avatar
bigloop
Hammock
Posts: 965
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:57 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): February 20th, 1993
Gender: Male

Re: Lack of sex drive due to porn reboot

Postby bigloop » Wed Feb 15, 2017 7:56 am

You have just identified your triggers. Do something positive with that knowledge now. Formulate a better way to address them. Don't let this opportunity pass you by just white-knuckling through it. Be proactive.

User avatar
TJC
Queen bed
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:59 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 31st, 1975
Gender: Male

Re: Lack of sex drive due to porn reboot

Postby TJC » Wed Feb 15, 2017 11:51 am

Just an update for those reading this. I was successful in resisting temptation this weekend. Thanks to those who were praying for me over this time. DW and I had a good talk about the things that brought this on, prior to Valentine's Day., and did a checkup on how things are going given our new way of dealing with intimacy. Ill start a new thread discussing that later. I'm a little short on time right now. I'm just thankful that I was able to resist this weekend. It was kind of educational to observe all the different convolutions my flesh went through to bring the sin to fruition. At first it was outright porn, then maybe movies that I know probably have graphic sex scenes. I am noticing more and more it is extremely hard to find any movies that do not include gratuitous sex scenes. Even a tv series we've been watching called "Canada's Worst Driver", seems to feel obligated to have a couple ladies on the show dressed provocatively. Fortunately I only watch with my wife.

BTW, I was discussing the whole trigger thing with DW, regarding her struggles with food. The way she talks about her struggle with food is eerily similar to my struggle with porn.
This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16

User avatar
TJC
Queen bed
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:59 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 31st, 1975
Gender: Male

Re: Lack of sex drive due to porn reboot

Postby TJC » Wed Mar 15, 2017 1:09 am

I realized today I hadn't posted on this thread for awhile, so I thought I'd post on how it's been. I have had one almost relapse but was able to resist.Libido was good for awhile, but lately as been down again. Mostly this is because of different things going on in our lives. It's just as well, as DW is scheduled to have hip replacement surgery the first week of April, so intimacy will be on hold for who knows how long. I would think at least three months or more. I will count the 18th of March as officially being three month porn free. It is still a temptation at times, in the same way that smoking is, even though it's been over thirty years since I smoked. All in all I feel good in how God has helped me walk through this.
Still struggling with how to handle intimacy with DW, but as I said this will soon be a non-issue for at least a few months soon. I'm just focusing on helping her with arranging the surgery and getting her through this right now.
This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16

User avatar
bigloop
Hammock
Posts: 965
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:57 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): February 20th, 1993
Gender: Male

Re: Lack of sex drive due to porn reboot

Postby bigloop » Wed Mar 15, 2017 7:08 am

The smoking thing is something you should pay attention to. You are correct in that the temptations are very much alike - and one way is that it will decline, but every now and then show up with no explanation and with a vengeance.
Also it is important to see the connection with all addictions. Getting rid of one makes another more dangerous. You must replace it with good or more bad will take its place.

I hope you get through the medical situation with your wife well. I know you will be focused on her care for a while and that will help. But don't think you can just white knuckle your way through it all. That would result in disaster. Don't be afraid to ask your wife for "help" otherwise. I'm sure she'd be understanding and willing. She may need her own attention in that way and I'm sure you'd happily supply.

User avatar
TJC
Queen bed
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:59 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 31st, 1975
Gender: Male

Re: Lack of sex drive due to porn reboot

Postby TJC » Sat Mar 18, 2017 5:48 pm

Ok I don't understand this at all. DW is working today,so have a lot of time on my hands. I'm pretty exhausted from working two long shifts, one almost fifteen hours, the other around twelve. At times like these I read. A lot. Anyway I found myself reading forum posts about cheating spouses. Not the graphic type, that would cause arousal. The kind that are painful to read, posted by the cheated spouse expressing how hurt they were. What is with that? In my marriage I'm the one who was unfaithful. My wife has never given me reason to suspect her of any such thing, so I don't think I'm looking for a reason to suspect her. I don't get it.
This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16

User avatar
SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 4743
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: Lack of sex drive due to porn reboot

Postby SeekingChange » Sat Mar 18, 2017 5:54 pm

Could you be trying to get a glimpse into your wife and her perspective?
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

User avatar
TJC
Queen bed
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:59 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 31st, 1975
Gender: Male

Re: Lack of sex drive due to porn reboot

Postby TJC » Sat Mar 18, 2017 5:57 pm

Maybe. It feels pretty masochistic to me, almost a mental version of cutting.
This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16

User avatar
SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 4743
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: Lack of sex drive due to porn reboot

Postby SeekingChange » Sat Mar 18, 2017 6:00 pm

Not if you want better understanding. I know several people who were brought to conviction by reading the other side's perspective.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

User avatar
TJC
Queen bed
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:59 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 31st, 1975
Gender: Male

Re: Lack of sex drive due to porn reboot

Postby TJC » Sat Mar 18, 2017 6:14 pm

SeekingChange wrote:I know several people who were brought to conviction by reading the other side's perspective.

I can believe that.
This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16

User avatar
TJC
Queen bed
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:59 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 31st, 1975
Gender: Male

Re: Lack of sex drive due to porn reboot

Postby TJC » Sat Mar 25, 2017 5:25 am

Another week gone w/o any slips, although there was some temptation. The most notable attacks in the area of lust has not been porn, but rather from guys at work pointing out the immodest dress of some of the young girls at my job. It's very strange to me to feel the temptation to indulge, yet have a sense of not being able to go there. I can only put it down to God's grace towards me, as only a few moths ago, I would have given in, even as I hated myself for doing it.
Intimacy in my marriage is still down, even though we had sex twice this week. Once was my offering to take care of DW, even though my heart was not into it, and once was the same from DW for me. I find myself putting up walls to keep from feeling hurt, and also to make it so DW doesn't feel pressured over sex, especially at this time. I don't like what I see there, but maybe it's necessary right now? I'm struggling with my decision to let go of all expectations from DW sexually. Intellectually I know that soon sex won't even be possible for awhile, but I can see no hope of anything changing at all, even after DW has healed, so I have to find a way to accept the status quo, and love her well anyway. In a thread someone mentioned the term "Reset Sex". This pattern has been the story of our marriage for the last 25 years or more, and I always fall into the trap of hoping things will be different this time. I know God has a plan for me, but a fulfilling sex life does not seem to be part of it. God grant that I'm able to accept this w/o getting bitter....
This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16


Return to “Pornography”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users