Trying to figure out the why's

Addiction, wrong expectations, habitual masturbation ...
Wheat48
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Trying to figure out the why's

Postby Wheat48 » Tue Oct 24, 2017 1:11 pm

As I am working through my own healing after DH's porn use, I have read books, articles, blogs and posts on here. I have a question I would like to hear male input on. Everything I read states how viewing pornography makes a man feel approved of, accepted, wanted, strong, etc... My question is why? Why does watching strangers have sex make a man feel this way? I realize this is likely a gender difference; I'm genuinely trying to understand.

doug-h
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Re: Trying to figure out the why's

Postby doug-h » Tue Oct 24, 2017 1:30 pm

Wheat48,

Welcome. I'm sorry that your first post here is about something as difficult as pornography.

I was a long time user of pornography, and my first post here was asking for help to quit. In any case, I will try to answer your question from my perspective.
Please don't take this wrong, but I believe you may have misunderstood. I dont think watching porn makes a man feel.any of those things. It probably makes him feel the total opposite.

What it does, tho, is allow a man the fantasy, tje illusion, that all of those things are true. It is a subtle difference, but I think it is a significant one.

One of the ways that works, and this is only my opinion, is that you are actually immersing yourself into a fantasy where you don't have to worry about being good enough, strong enough. You dont have to worry about being approved, or maybe more important, you dont have to worry about being rejected. Relationships are difficult sometimes. Porn is easy. It never expects anything of you, it never rejects you.

I know that might be over simplified, and others might have completely different answers, but it really is the best I can answer your question. To be honest, I dont think there is a perfect answer that covers all situations and all people. .

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Dale
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Re: Trying to figure out the why's

Postby Dale » Tue Oct 24, 2017 2:05 pm

doug h is right on in his view.

I'd also add that porn gives a man a false sense of significance. When he is watching porn, those people are performing for him, for his pleasure (even though of course they are not in reality). As doug said, there is no rejection from the screen. This feeling is one of power, of control. It's made all the worse if the man gets involved in online, real-time porn, where he can "chat" with the actors and tell them to do something. In this fantasy world, he is in control and he is important. Both of those feelings are very intoxicating to a man!

Dale

Wheat48
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Re: Trying to figure out the why's

Postby Wheat48 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 8:17 am

Thank you for your responses. I guess my puzzlement comes from why pornography causes this illusion, what is it about a naked woman or watching other people have sex that would give the illusion of being accepted?

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Re: Trying to figure out the why's

Postby doug-h » Wed Oct 25, 2017 8:31 am

The same way some people can be drawn into a movie or a novel, and find themselves relating to some fictional character. I'm sure it is different, but it is the same process.

As I child, and even jnto adulthood, I can remember feeling like I was in the story.

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Re: Trying to figure out the why's

Postby seeking perspective » Wed Oct 25, 2017 8:34 am

I found Shaunti Feldhahn's Through a Man's Eyes: Helping Women Understand the Visual Nature of Men to be really useful in helping me understand this concept.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
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Wheat48
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Re: Trying to figure out the why's

Postby Wheat48 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 8:50 am

I saw this is available through my library, I'll check it out. Thanks for the suggestion.

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Re: Trying to figure out the why's

Postby seeking perspective » Wed Oct 25, 2017 8:59 am

You can find a thread about the book here: viewtopic.php?f=15&t=65249
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
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