Paul B wrote:Finally a word to wives - you have a part to play in this too. Given the world we live in there is no way any man can avoid all sexual noise - so a good strong visual sexual signal from you is vital. Your husband wants and needs to see you partially dressed, dressed with a few buttons open, bending over, and fully naked. He needs to see you flashing and teasing and tantalizing him with your body. I know, I know, you don't like to do this because you are overweight, or your breasts are too small, or your belly button is ugly or your labia are uneven, or your butt is too big. Three words for you - GET OVER IT! You have things none of the noise has - you are his loving wife, his willing sex partner, the woman he has great sex with. These things multiply the effect of your signal more than you can imagine.
Respectfully disagree on this point.
When a man exposes himself to so much noise over the years, he begins to lose his hearing. My husband does not look at me, talk to me, or touch me in any sexual way. I get a peck on the cheek in the morning and one before bed. Maybe a hug once in a while. My husband no longer sees or hears appropriate signals, no matter how strong they are.
If I had not taken the initiative, our sex life would have died altogether about 8 years ago. He finally pushed me away almost a year ago.
Pornography is not a wife's issue. It is only the issue of the addict. My attempt to control the addict is futile because I am powerless over what someone else craves. Until the addict gets help and renews his mind, he will not hear the signals right in front of him. He will only hear the noise.
Pornography is like a computer virus that corrupts everything it touches. It short circuits a man's wiring, and ruins relationships.
It is entirely appropriate to encourage wives in healthy marriages to visually stimuate their husbands. But for those of us who are married to men who have deafened themselves, it's pointless and only piles on to the guilt none of us deserve.