mrjwilliams wrote:There are really two problems that are at the heart of the porn issue in marriage and neither of them have to do with porn.
First: Addiction - If you are doing something that causes you to hide or lie to your spouse, what is the issue?
It's the hiding and lying. This is an addiction issue. Your spouse will be upset at the marriage breakdown due to the lying and usually doesn't know how to clarify it that way and will blame the porn. Like if porn didn't exist, he wouldn't have lied? We make an easy excuse because we don't want to admit we married a liar, instead we blame the porn.
Second: Intent - Are you doing something that is having a real negative impact on your marriage, such as viewing another female for the intent of having real sex with her? Are you viewing porn for the pursuit of having extra-marital relations or to avoid having sex with your spouse? Is there an intent that draws you away from seeking your spouse? There's a difference between fantasizing about finding $50,000 in a briefcase and spending it vs. really finding $50,000 and not turning it in. The first is clearly okay and the second is not.
It is important to note that neither of these problems have anything to do with subject matter. The subject matter could be money, alcohol, work, drugs, etc...
Money is not bad in any way in and of itself, and pictures/videos of naked bodies are just that. If you intentionally pursue these subject matters in lieu of pursuing your spouse, then there's a problem.
Many couples have great marriages with different levels of porn involved. They use it for many different reasons. Just read - I don't know.. ANYWHERE online.?..?
With that said, the porn industry does a lot of harm and should not be supported in any way. The same goes for the alcohol industry. You get my point.
If you are subject to either addiction or intentionally seeking sex not from your spouse, then STAY AWAY FROM IT.
I think your logic is flawed in a number of respects, and several of your statements or assumptions are also factually incorrect. Among other things:
1. The problem with porn is not just the lying. It is the lusting after other people, bringing other people into the marriage bed, etc. Porn is a serious problem, in addition to the lying/secrecy. And watching porn and hiding it is not
the same a lying about whether you played golf instead of visiting a sick friend.
2. Viewing porn always has some harmful or negative impact on a marriage and one's relationship with one's spouse. This has been proven time and time again. Indeed, it is so obvious, and so well documented, that it is basically along the lines of whether jumping off a five-story building is harmful to your body. Now, we could get specific and support all of the arguments against porn, like we could give specific reasons why one should jump off a five-story building, but on this forum, there's little point to that. Given the experiences, beliefs, and knowledge/wisdom of the people who post here, everyone already knows better.
3. I suppose it is possible that some couples have reasonably successful marriages with some level of porn involved, but there is no doubt that the marriage is not all that God intended it to be, and no doubt that it could be better without the porn. As to the notion that one should "read around," I'm sure if one reads around online one can also find lots of discussion about how many "swinging couples" have great marriages.