doug-h wrote:I guess what I am trying to share, is that it doesn't matter what your reason for turning to porn is, or why you return to it. It's a red herring
With all due respect, I strongly disagree that sexual refusal, especially those who have suffered from it for years or decades, is a red herring, when it comes as a precursor to porn use.
I understand where you're coming from, believe me, and I do agree that a person's sin is the result of his choice to do so. But Scripture repeatedly tells us that others can be complicit in that sin by paving the way to temptation. No man marries to have less sex for the rest of his life. One of his main reasons to marry is that he wants easy access to passionate sex with the woman he's pledged his life to. When that's denied, routinely, without justification or concern for his feelings and his right to sex as a married man, that strikes deeper than any pain he experiences in the world outside his home. The Bible says that he has been defrauded, robbed of that which is his by God's decree.
Some men, probably many more than will confess, turn to porn because of sexual refusal. Doesn't it make sense that this could easily be the reason for his porn use, coming from a Christian man who's been married for decades, literally half or more of his life, has been faithful to not even look at another woman, has turned away from propositions for an affair, and seeks God daily? Everyone has a limit in his own strength as to what he/she can endure on a personal level. If that were not so, then the one totally committed to Christ would never fall.
That, of course, is no excuse for entering into what is always sin (porn use). But the refusal/porn correlation is there for many, many Christian men.
For me, personally, I can't think of any deeper pain for a married man that to know that his wife rejects the expression of his manhood and desire for intimacy with her. Again, not meaning to be offensive, but this reason for a man turning to porn is anything but a red herring. It is real, boots on the ground pain that drives a man who's been faithful to his wife for decades to finally succumb to viewing the sex others are enjoying and that is his by right of marriage, but which he is being routinely, and casually denied.
Again, no disrespect intended. But the recipient of routine, years-long sexual refusal can begin to act like a battered spouse--feeling beaten, hopeless, depressed, unloved. Some, by the grace of God, overcome temptation and struggle on. Others, sadly, break, and seek a temporary solace outside marriage.
Sad but true.