AkMike wrote:This may seem cruel, but I have no--zero--sympathy for a long term nonchalant refuser whose spouse turns to porn. Isn't that what you wanted in the first place? After all, he/she isn't bothering you for sex anymore, right? Again, you can't have it both ways. Most men who turn to porn after years and years of rejection absolutely hate the porn. They would much rather have their wives in the marriage bed. Reluctant porn users who are married didn't get married to remain celibate. Either it's important to sex your spouse, or it's not. If not, then the refuser has no right to complain when the refused gets sex somewhere else.
I understand your feelings of where you are coming from. I also saw your two different situations you mentioned above with SP.
A couple of things:
1) Remember the statistic that if a husband and wife would rate their marriage on how good it is, the husband will typically rate it higher. So the husband (the ones usually posting) say their marriage is the latter, good but tmb, while the wife of the same marriage might say it's the former, it's not good at all and there's a reason for the gk/refusal.
2) There are some wives, as SP pointed out in part, who are relieved to some extent the husband's turn to something else. I was like that, and I would even go further to say, there was a time I wished my husband would have an affair so I could get out or "be released" from my marriage. I am sure I am not the only wife out there who's ever felt that way.