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Addiction, wrong expectations, habitual masturbation ...
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OldMarriedLady
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Re: Help

Postby OldMarriedLady » Fri Jan 27, 2017 8:32 pm

hifromme67 wrote:today I open the forums to some post about why men watch porn. Of course the first thing I read is that the spouse isn't attractive, is fat, etc.

::huh Are you talking about TMB, or some other forum?
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seeking perspective
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Re: Message Boards/Forums Thoughts?

Postby seeking perspective » Fri Jan 27, 2017 9:10 pm

hifromme67 wrote:Do message boards and/or forums ever make you stress more than help you? Sometimes they do for me. They often trigger things or make me think of things beyond of what I should be thinking about.


Actually, the answer often is "yes."

Getting support for something is generally a smart and good thing to do. Sometimes, however, support can have a negative effect on our lives. It can lead us to rethink our identity, it can reframe how we see the world, it gives us words and concepts that replace our old ones, and so on. The support intended to help us solve our problems can end up keeping us focused on our problems instead.

This has less to do the with boards and forums, I think, than it does with us. :( (I can think of two specific times in my own life when I've given a support site too much importance in my mind and heart.)

If a support board is a trigger for you, then it is more a problem than it is a support.

I'd like to ask three questions about how you are doing:

1. What are you doing to tend your marriage aside from the pornography issue? Do you and your husband do date nights? Are you making changes in how you communicate with each other? Are you doing things that are enjoyable and connective together?

2. What are you doing to take care of yourself? What are you doing to relax, to help yourself develop a sense of calm and peace, etc.?

3. How is your relationship with God?

If you are tending to these areas on a frequent and regular basis, a support site should be able to play a healthy role in your life. If you aren't doing anything in these areas, stay away from support sites (or scale back on your participation) and work on those areas.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
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Job29Man
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Re: Help

Postby Job29Man » Tue Jan 31, 2017 11:22 am

Hifromme67,

Looks like this thread has run its course. Thanks for starting it. I hope you got good info out of it, and some help. We wish you the best in putting all the helpful advice to work in your marriage. We'll close the thread now. Thanks to all who contributed.

Job29Man
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.


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