hifromme67 wrote:So forgive me for being angry or resentful but you really don't know all he has caused in the past.
You see, that's the thing. You are asking forgiveness for your anger and resentment, but they are only hurting you.
I don't know how to say this. I really wish I had the words. I am very much your husband, and I am also you. I have offended, and been offended. Nothing my wife does is going to heal me of my hurt. Sometimes, like you, I even decieve myself into believing that some acknowledgement of it would somehow diminish it, but I know that is a lie. I know the only way forward for me, is to ask forgiveness for my own sins, and to forgive hers unconditionally. That means I give up any right to anger, or resentment. It is in the past, and she can't undo it, any more than I can undo my own sins of adultery and pornography, and your husband can no more undo his sins than you can yours. You can commit to move beyond them.
I am not telling you that joint sessions are a bad thing, but I don't believe two unhealthy people can benefit in them until they have some baseline into their own issues. You say that your stuff is all his fault.
I am going to challenge you with a thought, and I don't want an answer, but I want you to think about it. If it is all on your husbands shoulders, then how did my wife forgive me? What is different? It isn't that your husbands betrayal was worse than mine. Far from it. The difference was my wife's heart, not my sin. I could no more earn her forgiveness than I could earn the forgiveness of Christ. I'm telling you that so that you can look to the real source of your pain. It is inside you, not your husband, and YOU need to understand that, because there is nothing in this world your husband, or a counselor can do to remove it. It has to be your desire. It has to be your work.
Yes, I know that seriously sucks. There is nothing fair about it. That doesn't make it any less true.
Anger and resentment are worse than dead ends. They slowly kill you from the inside out, and then they start destroying every single relationship, starting with your relationship with God.
I'm really sorry, Hifromme67. I don't know that I have anything else to offer, other than my prayers. I hope you know I am only speaking what I absolutely believe to be true, and not as an attack on you.