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Back after a fall...

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2016 4:35 pm
by jdk516
I had been a long time viewer and occasional poster over the years. However, the past two years of my life have been rather traumatic. After nearly 20 years of struggling through marriage my addiction began to spiral out of control. At it's peak I was consuming up 12 hours of porn and masturbating ~6 times a day. Clearly my marriage, family life and career began to suffer. Additionally 10 years ago I had an affair and continued an on again, off again relationship with this woman through various means. My life began to come down around me. I lost my job and career, and was therefore in a financial crisis with the threat of losing our home. My daughter moved out as soon as she turn 18 because of the tension at home, making me feel like a failure as a parent. My wife who had long been unhappy, and whom I had clearly damaged, was reaching the end of her rope and soon announced she was leaving me. Soon my son began to feel the stress of living without his mother and a largely absent father, and skipped a month of school.

Many things transpired over the coming months, but my hope had been crushed. I entered counseling as I knew I needed to reach out for help. My counselor soon suggested that I consider attending an addiction recover group. Although I knew he was right, I resisted for some time while continuing to work on myself, and my relationship with God, hoping that in time things would heal. Slowly progress was being made and my wife came home. Things were still tense, but she was willing to give it another change even though she was not yet ready to make changes herself. Evidently she was sensing the change in me. Our 20th anniversary was approaching and we planned a big trip out of town. However, on the eve of or departure she discovered that I had been looking at porn and even worse had been conversing with another woman online. Immediately, the trip was off and she was done! Understandably, I had violated her trust so many times.

However, eventually I convinced her to go out of town with me just to get a break from life. Later I learned that her father in fact had convinced her to go, but to me she agreed only so that we could discuss our exit strategy. Essentially we were heading out of town in order to discuss how to divide up our stuff and what to do with the kids. God had other plans. While getting away, although still hurt and upset, we were able to connect and talk like we hadn't in years. Instead of making a list of our split possessions, we ended up writing what I call a contract of reconciliation. This included a short separation, rules around communication, usage of electronic devices and an agreement to attend an addiction recover group. While on that trip we even shared in some physical and emotional intimacy like I had never experienced in 20 years. I believe this was a gift from God. It gave us a glimpse of what it could be...

We then returned home to real life. I moved out, staying with my parents, and focused on fixing me and my relationship with Christ. That same Friday she came along for support as I walked into a Celebrate Recovery meeting. The next morning at 6 am I started a 6 month journey through a steps study. God placed me with the most incredible group of men that walked through the process with me. 3 months later I moved back home and my wife is still attending with me every Tuesday night. In fact just started her own steps study a few weeks ago! God is blessing my career and has saved our home. I am rebuilding my relationship with my children and my daughter is even moving back in so that she can attend bible college. While I still have a life or recovery in front of me God has begun to change my heart. I am please to report that I have been free from porn, infidelity and masturbation for 6 months! And my wife booked a weekend get away for us next week!!!

I am so thankful for my recovery and for the grace the Jesus has shown me. I wanted to share a bit of my story and I look forward to re-engaging this community.

Re: Back after a fall...

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2016 5:40 pm
by SeekingChange
I am glad you shared your testimony...God is so good! Thank you for sharing. I am also glad that you are back in this community.

Re: Back after a fall...

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2016 7:58 pm
by Vanna
That is certainly a miraculous testimony on so many levels. May much healing and restoration take place as you both surrender and draw closer to Him. Amen.

Re: Back after a fall...

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2016 9:55 pm
by George B.
such a great testimony of God's grace and power to restore!

Welcome back!

Re: Back after a fall...

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2016 10:18 pm
by Hiswifeagain
Welcome back, brother! What fabulous testimony of God's mercy and grace. To Him be the glory!!!


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Re: Back after a fall...

Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2016 3:38 am
by Elevation
Amen! Amen! Amen!

While I was fearing that your story would turn for the worse, praise the Lord that He healed your marriage!

Re: Back after a fall...

Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2016 4:46 pm
by jdk516
Thank you all for the kind words and support. I will be posting elsewhere to look for advice. God has worked miracles but we still need healing as I have done much damage and she has been a gatekeeper and refuser from day one. I own my sin, but there is still work to be done between us. Pray for us. Trusting our weekend away is an opportunity to connect.

Re: Back after a fall...

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 5:51 am
by doug-h
Jdk516,

Thank you for sharing your testimony. It is a beautiful example of grace and forgiveness.
I am sometimes overwhelmed by the stories of healing and reconciliation I read here, and yours had that effect me. The reason for that, is that with only minor editing, i could have written that myself.

God is truly good, and we are truly blessed.

Re: Back after a fall...

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 8:44 am
by OldBear
A poignant and inspiring account of God's grace and strength. It's a memorial statement of your covenant with your wife and Jehovah Rapha - our God who Heals.

May the Lord continue to bless and heal you and your marriage in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead. Welcome back!