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My husband and porn / chat sites

Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2016 6:49 pm
by tarzansjane
My husband has struggled a lot with porn and specifically with "chat" sites like Whisper and Kik. He has always maintained that they mean nothing to him and he just does it so he can blow off steam and be something he is not and not have any pressure to perform or be responsible. I have told him how much it upsets me. We went to counseling and things were going really well for awhile.

Then school started, I work at a school. And I also broke my wrist when I fell down the stairs. So things were a little slow in the bedroom department. This past weekend I found a few texts on his phone from some woman. Not only were they texting in real life (as well as through one of the apps) he ordered a remote control vibe for her. I confronted him and he has started counseling again and talked to our pastor and another friend of his. I really wish I knew how to deal with this...it just makes me so angry and insecure!

Normally we have sex 4 or 5 days a week...and sometimes everyday! I just hate what porn has done to our relationship. I have several friend who are dealing with similar things and I honestly thought about starting a support group for us women...and thought the men could meet together to work through their issues as well. I am just not sure if they will all go for it. I ordered a few books from Amazon today on dealing with a spouses sexual addiction.

Re: Is there any hope for my marriage?

Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2016 8:09 pm
by Vanna
The remote control vibe is really crossing the line from porn into the boundaries of infidelity. The fact that this is happening after all the work you've done to try to understand, help, and repair trust is an indication that he really does need serious sex addiction help.

Personally, I would consider stepping back from intimacy for a set season while he focuses on getting his mind and heart renewed and well. He's got some messed up intimacy wiring and all the sex in the world won't fix that. He needs time to reset what "normal" is in a healthy relationship so he can really see what intimate bonding is.

He is treading slippery slopes and if he doesn't stop now, the battle will get much nastier.

Re: My husband and porn / chat sites

Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2016 2:39 pm
by tarzansjane
Thanks...I'm at my wits end with this whole thing. It is really so frustrating! One of the most frustrating things is that he does not seem to think there is a problem with what he is doing because it is all online and stuff.

Re: My husband and porn / chat sites

Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2016 3:35 pm
by ophelia
I agree with Vanna and I'm sorry you are going through this taransjane. He has an addiction. You are right. Until he is willing to open his eyes and see it, there is not much you can do but pray for him. I would also maybe consider a separation. If not as a wake up call then to protect yourself. I have a feeling that his indiscretions' might be worse than you think. If he is at all physically intimate with these other woman, you need to protect yourself.