Wife watching porn

Addiction, wrong expectations, habitual masturbation ...
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cev
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby cev » Mon Jan 09, 2017 10:04 am

Thanks for thinking of me. I am terrible, I am at the end of my rope, trying to find a counselor that I can go talk to today. Called in sick to work after a devastating weekend. Your prayers are appreciated

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SeekingChange
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby SeekingChange » Mon Jan 09, 2017 10:13 am

I will definitely be praying. If you can't get in and you just need some listening ears, you are welcome to PM me. {hugs}
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

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TJC
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby TJC » Sun Feb 12, 2017 7:38 am

I will be praying for you also, as well as your marriage.
This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16

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Nvr2Late
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby Nvr2Late » Mon Mar 06, 2017 9:21 am

cev,

Thinking of you with a great deal of compassion. There are online resources for recovery that might aid you. Let me know if you would care for a link.

I struggled with this for some time after participating in watching porn with my Ex, thinking that the way to a sex addict's heart was to jump into his sin with him. You can't unsee certain images. And once the hook is set, it's hard to throw. I understand your struggle completely. If you want to have private conversation with a friend, PM me. I'm praying for you.
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby ShaunTheSalvo » Fri May 05, 2017 9:53 pm

Hi cev - just wondering how things are going?

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cev
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby cev » Sat Jun 03, 2017 1:17 pm

Thanks for asking. One day I am better, and the next day I am not. I had to put filters on my phone to help restrict myself, and the filters would not allow TMB. I had my friend take them off the other day, as I could feel myself sinking, and I knew I needed to get back on TMB. For the most part I am doing well at not watching porn, and have been free for the last couple of months thanks to the restrictions on my phone, but DH's desire has become non existent again, and I fell off the wagon the other day, and used his phone while he was sleeping. I felt like absolute trash afterwards. I did it because I felt the tension in me getting to an explosion point, and I was unable to get relief while crying. I found myself wearing more revealing clothes, especially when I worked out in hopes that some man would look at me with desire. How pitiful and disgusting is that??? I think I am doing so well handling my DH's non desire for me, and then something out of the blue triggers me, and I find myself falling down a slippery slope that I have no business even getting near. I have become very negative in my faith as of late, as I realize that even though God has a plan for marriage and oneness, there is no gurantee that my marriage will be that. I have been praying for a change for almost 34 years now, and all I have gotten is a couple of tease periods that do nothing but show me what I am missing. I now consider them cruel periods. I guess I should be thankful that I am getting sex a couple times of month. DH has finally learned that an occasionally serviced wife is much easier to live with.

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SeekingChange
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby SeekingChange » Sat Jun 03, 2017 1:25 pm

cev wrote: I found myself wearing more revealing clothes, especially when I worked out in hopes that some man would look at me with desire. How pitiful and disgusting is that???

It's understandable...it would be a false comfort and it's wrong, but I can understand the lure of it.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

ShaunTheSalvo
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby ShaunTheSalvo » Mon Jun 05, 2017 9:21 pm

It should be possible to add an exception to allow access to TMB (allow access to tgemarriagebrd.com) while still applying the filter. I have mine set up this way.

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cev
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby cev » Mon Jun 26, 2017 8:57 am

I can't find in my earlier posts where I thought I explained that DH had to go off of testosterone treatment in November. He has had an ongoing problem with a high red blood cell count, and the doctor had to take him off of the treatment until it was under control. DH is still off of testosterone, and has a lack luster desire to give the blood donations that he needs to, too get it under control. We are now approaching our seventh month of this, and since April his desire has dwindled to nothing. I have done everything possible to make his chore of giving blood easier. He no longer has to travel 50 miles to do it, as I finally found a doctor that gave his permission to have every four weeks blood donations at any blood drive anywhere. DH had to go out of town for the weekend and I fell of the porn wagon again. I picked myself up out of the gutter, dusted off, and anxiously awaited to have a refreshed husband come home yesterday, as he said he was getting so much rest, and felt great. There was nothing, just his new little comment that he uses," I need to go give blood could you see if there is a blood drive around this week?" I guess this is his new thing he thinks is working. I look up the blood drives, print them out, and he forgets, or does not have the time to go.
I have never been this cynical, faithless, just don't care anymore ever before. I printed out his blood drive options for the week this morning, and told him I was done. I said I had no idea what done looks like or entails, but that I was done. I also said that I hope he gives blood so that he will hopefully grow to be an old man, but that there was no need to ever get back on testosterone for me.
I told him that I have found a doctor that is willing to try a drug on me that they use for breast cancer that totally takes away your sex drive. It has very few side effects, and I have an appointment for tomorrow.
I can't leave DH, as it would harm my children and grandchildren, and I cannot see any benefit of ripping our world to shreds, but I am done. I would never have an affair, only for the sole reason of the shame it would bring to my family if I was caught. That is seriously the only thing holding me back. I want so desperately to be wanted! I have never thought this way before. For the time being starting tonight I am spending my nights in a travel trailer that we are storing at our office for a friend. I will put on the act during the day that everything is fine , but when it is time to go to bed I will get in my car and go to town. Everyone at work will just think I am coming to work earlier. I have to do something!


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Nvr2Late
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby Nvr2Late » Mon Jun 26, 2017 3:19 pm

cev,

I'm so sorry. I will be praying for you.
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How we handle our spouse's shortcomings reveals more about our own character than theirs. * I’ve already told you more than I know.

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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby SquarePants » Mon Jun 26, 2017 4:35 pm

Was his doctor still prescribing large infrequent (every two weeks) doses of testosterone? I don't remember the outcome of the discussions from this thread. Was the dose ever lowered and/or made more frequent? Was he ever taking anything to control estrogen levels?

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cev
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby cev » Mon Jun 26, 2017 4:48 pm

SquarePants wrote:Was his doctor still prescribing large infrequent (every two weeks) doses of testosterone? I don't remember the outcome of the discussions from this thread. Was the dose ever lowered and/or made more frequent? Was he ever taking anything to control estrogen levels?

No, no, and no. His doctor that he was receiving pellets from which were not the best, but it kept us both happy retired. The new doctor would not prescribe and t or insert pellets until his RBC count was managed.


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SeekingChange
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby SeekingChange » Mon Jun 26, 2017 7:03 pm

CEV, my heart broke for you as I read your update this morning, and then I prayed.

This evening, I sat down to begin a new devotional Bible study, Lord, Heal My Hurts and this first day brought you immediately to mind. Here's a little snippet from it:

Kay Arthur, from LORD, Heal My Hurts wrote:My friend, have you ever contemplated divorce?

Have you ever wanted to walk away from a relationship? To say, "Forget it; it's not worth it"?

Have you ever hurt so badly that you thought the pain would never go away? That it would be easier to die?

Or have you ever been so horribly hurt that you wished, or even prayed, that the person who had hurt you would just die?

Are you hurting...emotionally, spiritually, psychologically? Or do you have a mate, a child, a relative, or a friend who hurts?

What's the answer, the solution? Is there one? Are some condemned to hurt forever? Are there some who have wounds so great that they can never be healed? Or is there healing for what hurts... no matter how bad the hurt?

There is. Whether you believe it or not, you are beloved of God. He desires your wholeness, your healing. About twenty-five hundred years ago, God had the prophet Jeremiah record His burden for His people who were hurting.

Listen to the anguish of Jeremiah's heart: "For the brokenness of the daughter of my people I am broken; I mourn, dismay has taken hold of me" (Jeremiah 8:21).

Why the anguish? Was it because of the greatness of their wound? No, Beloved, it was because there was a cure for their hurts, and they were unaware of it. Or perhaps it was because they knew where to turn but refused for some reason or the other.

Listen to Jeremiah's cry of dismay: "Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then has not the health of the daughter of my people been restored?" (Jeremiah 8:22).

A balm in Gilead... a physician there... and healing for every wound of your soul! This, my friend, is what this devotional study is all about.

I cannot wait to see, and hopefully to hear, what God does through this study in relation to healing what hurts you. Study diligently. You will be awed by what God will do as you believe His Word and live accordingly. I know. I have been healed, and so have many, many others.


I hope you might consider going through this study so that you may find healing for your hurts.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

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cev
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby cev » Mon Jun 26, 2017 7:44 pm

Thank you for this! I am downloading it now. I ended up staying at a friends guest house. I hate being alone, but thank you for reaching out to me.


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SeekingChange
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Re: Wife watching porn

Postby SeekingChange » Mon Jun 26, 2017 7:47 pm

I am planning on working my way through the study myself. If you want someone to talk about what you are studying, reading or feeling, you are welcome to message me.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story


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