Catch 22

Addiction, wrong expectations, habitual masturbation ...
User avatar
Medic
Queen bed
Posts: 135
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 10:44 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 24th, 2015
Gender: Couple
Location: Lowertown, MN

Catch 22

Postby Medic » Thu Dec 08, 2016 11:22 pm

Pornography... that has been my single greatest frustration for almost the last two years. It has caused me a lot of pain and has often left me a disillusioned fellow.

Decide to quit... go for hours... then days... then weeks... then months and bam. Stupid decision :shock: What have I done? What was I thinking? "I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate" (Romans 7:15).

I have felt my life was a catch 22. I couldn't draw close to God because of pornography, but I couldn't be done with pornography as I wasn't close to God. Talk about discouraging, feeling crazy as Yossarian somedays. No matter how I tried to fight it would rear its ugly head yet again!

In the past month I have experienced a lot of victory in this area. I decided to become disciplined (in little things), but to actually make time for God in my life every day (not wait on Him).

So here are my takeaways from this struggle:

1. Flee temptation: My mentor pointed out to me that the Bible says to "flee temptation" (2 Timothy 2:22) not to "resist temptation." I spent so much time trying to resist the temptation. Now that I look back every time I "resisted" I would eventually fail. My resolution was to resist this didn't work. Flee it! Don't give it a thought. Go for a walk, get off the computer, or look away.

2. Thought:
"...we take every thought captive and make it obey Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:5) This. I must surrender my thought life before Christ. Before I sinned in action do you know where I sinned (usually a day or two before)? In my thoughts I lusted, fantasized, or gave credence to the desires of evil. Our mind is not our own and we cannot think freely about whatever we choose without bearing the fruit of our thoughts. You cannot commit to the action of purity without doing so in your mind. You must leave the thoughts of sin no place. Empty the mental trash if you will and when the thoughts of temptation comes again that is the time to "take (it) captive" and put it before Christ.

3. Pornography is sin: Pornography is sin. I struggled with sin. Don't call it by any other name, but sin. Don't qualify it or dismiss it. It is sin and it is dangerous.

4. Sinful: I am a sinful human. Lust and pornography are not my only sins and I need not elevate them as the only thing between me and God. This would be a mistake. They are sin just as any other that i have in my heart. I must surrender each of these things to Christ. To be so consumed that "lust" or any other one sins is the singular problem is to be blinded from moving forward.

5. God focus: I spent so much time focusing on my "sin" issue instead of my relationship with God. What I needed was to take time to restore my relationship with Lordship of Christ Jesus. If I am looking into His eyes of fire where else can I look? Take time not later but now today and commit to this.

6: Complete dependence:
I have come to realize I am dependent on God. This I must be certain of. He is merciful and has shown me grace. The best I can be, as a human, is to be dependent in His grasp trusting in His love and sustenance. For me this is my summum bonum (chief good/highest good).

7. Weak: I am human I am fragile. I am not above any sin and there is not any evil that my heart is not capable of under the correct circumstances. In this I must remain humble and faithful before God. I must remain dependent in Him. To think I have every fully "overcome" or that something is "not my struggle" is but to show I now "struggle" with pride. :roll:

“mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.”― Joseph Heller


---
I am by no means out of the woods yet, but for the first time I see real hope and I feel I have broken the Catch 22. For any guys reading this (or ladies) you too can break the catch 22. Focus on God not the problem, flee, take every thought captive, and be dependent. For those of you married to the addict (ie wives) keep praying it makes the difference and let God work with their heart. Change cannot be achieved until there personal decision. In the counseling field I believe this is called internal vs external motivation. Trust in God as He knit their heart and knows it intimately. He can work in ways that we never could. I don't pretend I haven't caused harm. I pray that Christ can show me the way forward in how love my wife, in how to show her compassion, be understanding, and to bring about the restoration of trust.

The choice is yours as it is mine to remain dependent.

--
Medic
Browsing lingerie section: "Hmmmm she is intelligent... creative... and she likes to volunteer... the french maid outfit should do." :wink:

User avatar
poetess
Under the stars
Posts: 3025
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2012 8:47 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): October 8th, 2011
Gender: Female

Re: Catch 22

Postby poetess » Fri Dec 09, 2016 7:06 am

Medic, it is only as we know that we are weak that we can really know He is strong. You have thought this out very well. May it be more than "just words" in your life. May you know God's strength.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

User avatar
SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 5133
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: Catch 22

Postby SeekingChange » Wed Dec 14, 2016 12:29 am

I just want to thank you for sharing. As a mom who has a teen son struggling with this off and on, and wonders if he will ever be free even though he desires to be free, and I can so easily let a hopelessness seep in myself, I plan on copying your words and giving them to him, in hopes he'll find some encouragement and practical steps in them. (Sorry for the longest run-on sentence ever. :D )
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

User avatar
Medic
Queen bed
Posts: 135
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 10:44 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 24th, 2015
Gender: Couple
Location: Lowertown, MN

Re: Catch 22

Postby Medic » Wed Dec 14, 2016 6:10 am

poetess wrote:Medic, it is only as we know that we are weak that we can really know He is strong. You have thought this out very well. May it be more than "just words" in your life. May you know God's strength.


Thanks and I sure hope they are more than words too, but I think only time will tell.

SeekingChange wrote:I just want to thank you for sharing. As a mom who has a teen son struggling with this off and on, and wonders if he will ever be free even though he desires to be free, and I can so easily let a hopelessness seep in myself, I plan on copying your words and giving them to him, in hopes he'll find some encouragement and practical steps in them. (Sorry for the longest run-on sentence ever. :D )


I hope he finds it encouraging. I am not too far being off a teen myself so I remember. Thanks for taking the time with your son. While pornography was not something I dealt with most of my teenage years when I was 13 I discovered it. It was only a week or two. My mom addressed it and I stopped. My mom had one short talk and that was it. My dad was traveling at the time. He never talked to me about it and didn't acknowledge that it had happened. I knew that he knew, but he never said anything and that killed me inside. For the next three years I thought he was angry with me and thought he would talk to me... never did. :? I am over it now, but all that being said it is was hard to move forward at the time. After I came to Christ He did a lot of healing there. All that being said I am glad you are taking time with your son communication with this is a good thing. Make sure your son knows he is not the only one... I literally thought I was the only kid I knew who had done something like that and it was definitely a barrier I had between me and God (me not being good enough). I will be praying for your son.

Sorry for rambling just remember the young teen years :mrgreen:

--
Medic
Browsing lingerie section: "Hmmmm she is intelligent... creative... and she likes to volunteer... the french maid outfit should do." :wink:

User avatar
SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 5133
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: Catch 22

Postby SeekingChange » Wed Dec 14, 2016 7:35 am

I appreciate the prayers. He actually was the one who came and confessed to us originally a year and a half ago. That shows his heart and how he wants to be free. Since then, the stumbles have been either discovered, or he admitted to it after being asked. He has taken many steps to help foster an environment where it's much harder to access, but we know it's a heart issue and can only be won by Christ, not outward management. But as you mentioned Romans 7, we know all to well how the flesh is weak.

It's interesting how you mention your father. My husband has come to realize the role his father played in his addiction to porn.. In 6th grade (and this is aging us), he stole some magazines from his dads shop from work. Once home, it became obvious that his dad knew what he did, and this is all he said, "Don't let your mom find those." And there was the beginning of a decades battle with porn/sexual addictive behavior. I am glad to say, by God's grace, he is walking in freedom and has been for years, and he has said, I thought I would never be free from temptation, but he hasn't even been tempted to look for several years, with one small exception in the midst, that he admitted immediately to, and was able to easily and quickly dismiss it. I share that for your own hope, fight the good fight, don't grow weary, stay persistent, total freedom is possible. Our fight is often with surrendering. Surrendering fully and completely to Christ is key.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story


Return to “Pornography”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users