I never pretended those adult women were attracted to me.
By contrast, that was the very thing that made me look at the sleepwear sections of the catalog. The fantasy made the masturbation better. Although, I was not deceived that it was anything more than a fantasy.
Since I believed that no "real" woman would ever want me, and my life experiences "proved" that "truth" ( I accepted a "proposition" from a 50-year-old woman when I was 17, mostly out of curiosity and not of any desire I had to be with that specific woman), it was the "second-best" choice.
If I'm really honest about it now, at 64, and had it to "do over" ? I think I'd choose the fantasy and leave the real women to others. They don't "want" me in the way I want to be wanted. I know, they have other reasons, and chose me for those. But none of those reasons do anything FOR ME. And, it's too much work and responsibility for what I get out of it.
bigloop wrote:Rejection is still the main instigator of temptations today.
Yep. I'm not living in the awful place some guys are, with "refusers". My DW is not a "refuser", she will have sex with me once in a while. But it is more out of "duty" or "pity" than desire.... and it leaves me physically "satisfied" for a couple of days, but emotionally, I am completely unrequited....and, that's pretty much "where it's at" masturbating to "soft porn".