Is the average secular man completely immersed?

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MrsG
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Is the average secular man completely immersed?

Postby MrsG » Wed Mar 29, 2017 8:42 pm

I have read many books, articles, and forum/blog posts like TMB where men describe the way lust and porn takes hold of their minds and what the struggle is like.

When I read such intense, often emotional accounts, I cant understand how someone who does NOT consider lust or porn wrong ever pulls themselves away! Are people who consider it a normal, even healthy part of sexuality typically addicted? Are their casual and professional relationships with women totally run through a porn-influenced lens all the time? Or is the hold of porn somehow more overwhelming for someone who feels guilt and shame about it, whereas others have "forgotten how to blush" and aren't so impacted?

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Paul B
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Re: Is the average secular man completely immersed?

Postby Paul B » Wed Mar 29, 2017 9:46 pm

An interesting question. How people state things is very much coloured by their beliefs, so it's going to sound different even if the effects are the same.

As an example of how porn is seen as a bad thing by some who have no belief in God I would point out the large and growing number of "No FAP" groups on the Internet. "FAP" is a slang term for masturbating to porn, so a No Fap group is about encouraging each other to not masturbate to porn. Some still masturbate, some do not, the porn is what they see as the problem. Men usually seek this out when they start to have problems having sex with real women. They can't reach climax, or can't even get or keep enough of an erection to intercourse. Men as young as mid-20 are experiencing this due to heavy use of porn.
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MrsG
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Re: Is the average secular man completely immersed?

Postby MrsG » Thu Mar 30, 2017 3:17 am

I am familiar with the "nofap" subreddits - really really interesting! I didn't see it, but I believe the recent movie Don Jon was also about the negative effects of porn on dating? (Or rather the relationship problems when his expectations come from porn and hers from romance?)

I'm specifically curious though about those who defend or at least take porn for granted as normal. Whenever I've come close to this perspective I'm in situations where I'm either too uncomfortable (crass coworkers) and the conversation quickly shifts because I am there, or it's online and I know it's unhelpful for me to read, as a woman who might be tempted to fear or be unfairly repulsed by men as I was in the past. My hope now is to gain understanding but not lose compassion.

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Re: Is the average secular man completely immersed?

Postby jokerman » Thu Mar 30, 2017 5:20 am

No, for the same reasons that the average secular man is not completely immersed in legal but dangerous activities like alcohol or gambling. Perhaps he dabbles but doesn't get consumed.

The normal guy needs to make a living, which consumes his prime hours. He might have a family and other commitments and thus can't camp in front of the computer all day.

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Re: Is the average secular man completely immersed?

Postby doug-h » Thu Mar 30, 2017 8:08 am

Jokerman pretty much hit the nail on the head. There are as many reasons that some men are not tempted, as there are reasons that some men are.

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Re: Is the average secular man completely immersed?

Postby Paul B » Thu Mar 30, 2017 11:36 am

One thing that makes it more difficult for Christian men is the effect of shame. Shame makes us feel bad. If porn makes us feel good, then porn is the answer to shame. But then the porn use causes more shame. It can be a vicious cycle.

I think Christian guys also suffer from "in for a penny, in for a pound" thinking. A secular guy clicks on something, sees a bit of porn, and thinks I'm not into it right now, I'll look later. A Christina guy feels he has already blown it when he sees the first image. He's going to have to suffer, repent, confess, or whatever. So as long as he's going to pay the price, he might as well get enough to make it worth the cost.
Paul
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The Generous Husband
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