backsideof40 wrote:Thank you so much for the encouragement. Quick question...do you struggle with looking at women out in public? I feel like my DH maybe...he tries to hide his glances, but like today, there was a girl at a store with an extremely low cut top, I seen him glance her "boob" way three times. That made me very ashamed of him. Does this get better. When do men recover eyes for the wives only after looking at porn. Of course he says, how could you not notice, when I bring it up. As far as I know he has been porn free for 3 weeks now.
One of the things that happens with an addict is that they become hypersexualized. Basically, they start looking at everyone through sexual eyes, all the time. Part
of recovery is learning how to bounce their eyes from anything/anyone that they find tempting.
I remember about a year ago, I was out driving with DH. We were at a rough place in recovery, but we were muddling out way through it as best we could. I had taken special care with hair, makeup, outfit, cute shoes etc that day because what we'd been dealing with had really given me a self-esteem blow. DH was appreciative.
He was also appreciative of the two young ladies wearing tight shirts and very short shorts who were roller blading along the side of the road. One look I could probably have dealt with - three was over the top for me. It was a good thing for him that he was driving. I was mortified. I was embarrassed for myself, and also for him. I felt deeply shamed, as though he had chosen them outright over me. I felt worthless, humiliated, unattractive, and angry.
You know, at that point, he didn't have the tools or the self-control to keep himself in check. Today, he would see them, his internal filter would go "Uh oh! Danger! Look awaaaaaay!". But back then? It's almost like he didn't even HAVE that filter. That's one of the things that gets put in place by recovery.
Of course, neither did I. I wasn't very far into my recovery either, so it was like having a knife scraped along raw nerves.
Always know where your towel is.