Married men and porn

Addiction, wrong expectations, habitual masturbation ...

Men - in the last 3 months, have you willingly sought or viewed porn?

I have not viewed any porn.
204
18%
I have slipped a few times. My wife knows.
132
12%
I have slipped a few times. My wife does not know.
207
18%
I have slipped many times. My wife knows.
106
9%
I have slipped many times. My wife does not know.
148
13%
I am addicted. My wife knows.
96
9%
I am addicted. My wife does not know.
67
6%
I look at porn, but I don't think it's wrong. My wife knows.
50
4%
I look at porn, but I don't think it's wrong. My wife does not know.
33
3%
My wife and I look at it together occasionally.
62
5%
My wife and I look at it together regularly.
23
2%
 
Total votes: 1128

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jokerman
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby jokerman » Mon Jun 21, 2010 9:34 am

I don't know if its in the wrong place or not. The whole thread has been a place for venting more than a frank and compassionate discussion of men's hearts. This just seemed like the latest vent.

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby luvinher » Mon Jun 21, 2010 9:37 am

Leah in Mid-South wrote:A wife cannot *demand* her husband perform to any standard. What she can do is determine how much ogling she is willing to put up with.


Not sure the difference is importance. Either way she is aiming for his behavior modification.

luvinher

Re: Married men and porn

Postby luvinher » Mon Jun 21, 2010 9:39 am

jokerman wrote:I don't know if its in the wrong place or not. The whole thread has been a place for venting more than a frank and compassionate discussion of men's hearts. This just seemed like the latest


Good point. I think I'll hold off for a bit.

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby Leah » Mon Jun 21, 2010 9:47 am

luvinher wrote:
Leah in Mid-South wrote:A wife cannot *demand* her husband perform to any standard. What she can do is determine how much ogling she is willing to put up with.


Not sure the difference is importance. Either way she is aiming for his behavior modification.


Nope. He makes a choice and she makes one, too. Just because he sits still in his growth doesn't mean she can sit there and gripe about it.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


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Re: Married men and porn

Postby jokerman » Mon Jun 21, 2010 10:12 am

backsideof40 wrote:and ky...it almost seems as to me as though some people are actually accepting my DH's behavior.


No, we're just trying to understand why calling your spouse a visual pervert is helpful to him or your marriage. Please don't mistake that for approval of everything he's done.

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby KyWildcat » Mon Jun 21, 2010 10:18 am

Just to be perfectly clear just the fact that you feel the way you do regarding his behavior is reason enough for him to change it IMO and his behavior, as you've described it, is wrong.

I did however perceive a bit of a double standard when it came down to "his sin" and "your struggles."

backsideof40 wrote:I am trying to understand all this and HELP him battle, so he doesn't become a man who only views women as his personal viewing playground.

That's great and I hope you are both very successful addressing the issues in your marriage.
Marriage will show your immaturity and selfishness faster than anything on earth. You either grow up or grow apart. It's your choice.

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby luvinher » Mon Jun 21, 2010 10:49 am

backsideof40 wrote:Luvinher...is your perspective based on a worldly view or a biblical perspective? The word says Christ was tempted but did not sin. What is your basis for your theoglical understanding? Are you adding extrabiblical perspectives to Christ?


I bet I could number over 50 bits of doctrine that churches have adopted due to assumptions about things the Bible is silent about. I like pointing out other possible explanations as it keeps my own views grounded in the basics, and more honest about what we don't know. Your stance on MB and not owning your body etc is interesting but not necessarily accepted by a large cross section of Christians. Not saying you are wrong, but there is more than one perspective certainly.
Last edited by luvinher on Mon Jun 21, 2010 11:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby Seekryt » Thu Jun 24, 2010 9:31 am

backside, I've PMed you :)
Always know where your towel is.

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby Don » Mon Aug 09, 2010 7:57 pm

mamame wrote:
Leah in Mid-South wrote:at best resulting in a very unsatisfactory sexual experience.


THIS!!! I want to scream this sometimes. I can tell when my husband is using, just by how he is in bed.

Am curious, how can you tell?

Earlier, I found excessive MB would make me last "too short..."
Not that it makes any difference in my case, as my so-called "wife" doesn't allow me to make any sexual advances.

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby Drifter4 » Thu Sep 09, 2010 3:10 pm

Just a little personal example here on how men viewing porn and how it affects them in the bedroom. Years ago when I was a fireman, one of my co-workers, a female, bared her soul and stated how frustrated she was because her man had no sexual interest in her. My co-worker was attractive, smart, very athletic, and congenial. She had everything that any man would find desirable. And yet her husband wouldn't touch her because as she said 'he was always too tired.'

We worked a 24 hour shift with 24 hours off. The woman and her husband had cable with pay per view. She knew he ordered PPV games on the days she worked and he was at home alone. But what he was also doing was ordering PPV porn movies and MBing. When she'd come home wanting a little action for stress relief, there was nothing left to give her. Finally she took drastic action and canceled the PPV. He wasn't too happy about it, but it obviously did the trick because a few months later she was pregnant.

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby Nvr2Late » Sun Oct 31, 2010 9:17 pm

Don wrote:
mamame wrote:
Leah in Mid-South wrote:at best resulting in a very unsatisfactory sexual experience.


THIS!!! I want to scream this sometimes. I can tell when my husband is using, just by how he is in bed.

Am curious, how can you tell?

Earlier, I found excessive MB would make me last "too short..."
Not that it makes any difference in my case, as my so-called "wife" doesn't allow me to make any sexual advances.


I can answer this for *us*. He can't achieve a quick erection and he can't maintain it easily.
When he hasn't been using porn, because I am always available and he knows it, there is a distinct difference in his arousability and sustainability :wink:

I thought we'd beat the porn problem in our household only to find out this week that we have not.
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How we handle our spouse's shortcomings reveals more about our own character than theirs. * I’ve already told you more than I know.

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby Don » Wed Nov 03, 2010 6:26 pm

Don wrote:
mamame wrote:
Leah in Mid-South wrote:at best resulting in a very unsatisfactory sexual experience.


THIS!!! I want to scream this sometimes. I can tell when my husband is using, just by how he is in bed.

Am curious, how can you tell?

Earlier, I found excessive MB would make me last "too short..."
Not that it makes any difference in my case, as my so-called "wife" doesn't allow me to make- rather, allow- any of my sexual advances.

FWIW, I'm working on trying to change that.
I had a "plan" this weekend and saw some limited success.
I'm going to keep pressing until this situation improves.

One thing I have improved about myself: I've stopped using porn. I've read on this board and others how porn hurts women.
I didn't think much about it before, and as I'm always being denied, thought it was none of my wife's business what I did as she can't control this like she controls my access to her. Yes, it was a selfish attitude of mine.

I also found myself lusting towards the women in the porn, which bothered me.

So I've stopped and haven't done any porn for at least a week. I'm hoping to go longer.

Funny, when I MB without porn, I have fantasies or recall intimate things she and I used to do. I've even spoken words to myself - imitating like an actor would what she once told me - things she told me during the act.
When I MB to porn, I don't think of her at all.
I will cont to MB, but not with porn.

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Re: "12 Reasons Men View Porn" (and other visual eroti

Postby lonelylizzie » Mon Oct 03, 2011 7:15 pm

MarkS wrote:
sunny82 wrote:Pardon me if this sounds like a silly question but I really want to understand....can anyone tell me the real reason that guys view porn?
Obviousely they are aroused by it but is there a deeper underlying reason why :?:


I see others have answered this well, but here are some more thoughts (not too redundant with the others, I hope):
-------------------------------

1. Women are beautiful, as God made them to be.

2. Men enjoy basking in that beauty, as God made them to. (Now, women too enjoy beauty, even other women's beauty, but they are not typically as comfortable with -- or affected by -- its sexual aspects as men.)

3. Men, AS men, like being reminded that they ARE men (and looking on a woman reminds them of their "maleness," both mentally & viscerally!), which relates to...

4. It's comforting to a man -- it reinforces his "masculinity" -- to re-visit his admiration and desire for the female figure, which, by contrast with his own, further reminds him of our complementary natures, and THAT is something men love to ponder). "Ah! we ARE different. Notice THAT...and THAT. Mmmm... We belong together!" IOW, men not only LOVE women, but they also LOVE themselves (feeling the thoughts and sensations that are theirs AS men). With visual media, it's easy for men to remind themselves -- anytime -- of who they ARE and how delightful that other creature IS.

5. Men like to be aroused -- not just to climax -- and, if they learn patience, to relish arousal. Visual media is conducive to BOTH (getting in that state and staying there).

6. Visual media give men a convenient means of pursuing arousal when & where they want (with a minimum of complication).

7. Even women who love men & appreciate man's visual nature do not present their own men with plentiful opportunities simply to "gaze" upon them -- many are not comfortable with it and even more do not often "play up to" that gaze. Erotica/porn DOES, every day in every way.

(The women depicted in porn have learned, or been maneuvered, to give off those signals -- visually -- that communicate sexy thoughts to men by means of a combination of "natural physical allure," good "aesthetic principles" and "cultural conventions" of femininity, sensuality and sexuality. In short, they've learned how to "look the part." IOW, their "body language" speaks volumes, in a language men love...and thus men listen carefully to the conversation. Shoot, they'd gladly listen to a long monologue!)

8. When observing pictures/videos, a man is NOT distracted by pressure to "perform" or please his wife WHILE he's looking -- he can simply "relax" and soak in a woman's beauty, the way men like to look at a woman, without the object of his attention feeling "uncomfortable" (as a spectacle) or "closing in" to be touched, which reminds me of the time when...

(As a young man -- in my teens -- I worked in a restaurant where I once admired an elegant 30s-something woman dressed in a silky white dress. Simply angelic! She sat down and her slit skirt parted and slid down over her thighs as she crossed her legs. Never did she look crass or crude, just most of her legs were displayed to me from the side. I don't think she knew it. She never looked at me. I tried to keep my mind on my work, but I spent most of 30+ minutes stealing glances and trying to get up the courage to approach her and compliment her on such lovely legs! I mentally practiced various lines, without ANY intention of ever seeing her again. In fact, I was too naive to think of any sexual "act" with her. I was aroused but wouldn't have known what to DO with that. I just recognized her beauty, in the loveliness of that setting, and I found the sight exhilarating! But if I had been sitting WITH her, I would NOT have enjoyed the view, which points to...)

9. While a man IS touching his wife, it is difficult to see everything AS fully as he likes to see it -- he's TOO close to get the kind of wider perspective on her body that often "hooks" a man. (The way everything fits together, the way her clothes frame her, everything in context.) To use his full visual capacity, he'd rather "step back" and delight in her sensuous beauty from a bit more distance. Pictures, as well as walks at the mall, give these different perspectives of the WHOLE female figure. Seeing his wife undress before bed has this effect. But "If you're pressed up against me, I can't see you!"

(My wife & I love to dance, and I'll sometimes admire a ballroom dancing dress and buy it for my wife. She loves it, and wears it for me the next time we go dancing. But I can't see her in it. I can't see her movement in it, the way it flows around her, or flips up to reveal her legs, and I certainly can't see her long legs as can a seated observer from 10 feet away! In order to enjoy her beauty in that dress, I'd have to stop dancing WITH her and GO look while she dances FOR me!)

10. Observe the many postures, poses, props, degrees & types of exposure in even one issue of a men's magazine. Although there ARE "typical" scenarios and "looks," there is immense variety! Men do not trust that they'll get anything close to this variety from their women, even across years, so they impatiently supplement with erotic pictures....

11. And, YES, the pictures are often (not always) "picture perfect" -- they've been airbrushed to an "ideal." (However, I think this point is elsewhere over-stressed. Men are by no means universal in wanting to see "perfect, artificial" bodies. Porn is not all unrealistic. And, as to air-brushing, most people don't want their pimples or nose-hair in their family portraits either.)

12. Finally, he can CHOOSE the angles he prefers to see ("freezing" the moment for memory!) -- which, for many men, would make them feel awkward asking of their wives: "Honey, turn to the left, just a little bit, now arch your back and cover your right nipple with your hair... That's close! Hmmm... Try bouncing a little bit. Ok, hold your hair over your nipple WHILE you bounce. Wait, let me move to your left side so I can see you like this... Ah! THAT's -- oh...ah...ooh...ah....ah...ah.. oh, yes -- IT!!!" "You are the most beautiful woman in the world! Thank you." In Glamour photo shoots, photographers work long & hard, and waste many rolls of film, to get the "perfect shot."

(Every woman has a "best side" and many man prefer "certain angles." Getting the two together is a powerful aphrodisiac for men. Of course, a husband & wife could customize this unlike porn, but few trust and open themselves to it. It's easier for men to rely on the professional work of models & photographers for visual stimuli...than to invest in the visual appeal of their wives at the risk of "scaring" them...or going through the pain of coaching them through "low body esteem.")

13. BONUS point: Men like to feel the "power interplay" between themselves and women. Sometimes, they like to feel power over a woman's beauty, and others they like to feel that a woman is enjoying her own beauty as power over them (seducing or teasing them!) Again, visual media provide BOTH.

14. OK, one more BONUS: Everybody likes to IMAGINE, and visual media help a man to "feed & fan his fantasy" -- as well as to make up for any lack thereof (a picture is, well, more graphic than most men's imaginations).

15. Oh, and men are simply fascinated with the design of woman. (But I may have alluded to that already.) ;)
-------------------------------

Was this more than women want to know? (Frankly, I think it's more than most men want to consider.)

But does this help answer your question? I hope you can actually see -- not just the root of male "piggishness" but also -- the merit in male nature. The visual instinct, the proneness to gaze, the eye's desire -- in itself -- is not sinful, but God-created and GOOD.

IMhO, Couples can do much with this knowledge...and would be wise to practice acting in accordance with their God-created natures, rather than spending the lion's share of "visual discussion" on berating men for their visual sins, as is the practice of some. In contrast, I sense true desire for knowledge in you. May God bless us all to seek the TRUTH. And to...

RELISH the glorious feminine...COMMEND the (sanctified) masculine.

Mark


This just makes me sad, the whole thing. What I hear in here is that we can never compete with porn which is our deepest fear unless we try to imitate porn. I can understand the visual, but I was saddened by this as I don't think I could ever compete with the ANGLES and the variety of props, etc. With all that in mind, how can we relish the glorious feminine? We are already beaten down by this to start with and now we are supposed to feel glorious?

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Re:

Postby lonelylizzie » Mon Oct 03, 2011 7:40 pm

MarkS wrote:
Vanna wrote:Okay... call it what you will... but as a wife if my husband is looking at another woman's "image", "photo" or "artistic rendition" and he is jerking off, then as far as I'm concerned he might as well be in bed with her. He is taking his physical pleasure (no matter how limited) with another woman. No amount of scripture, pieces of scripture, translation of scripture, or interpretation of scripture will change that for me.

Anyone who is insensitive to how (many?) women feel about men's - and especially a husband's - use of porn...is unwise.

I doubt one of of our best writers could do justice in 1200 words to the torment and struggle wives go through. Perhaps this is especially so in cases where women have been sexually abused (physically) or had a dark family history associated with porn (such as Vanna's).

We can hardly be blamed for our high emotions (and I don't just mean women here). In this climate, some of the most difficult questions can hardly be asked.... They are not "politically correct." We are apt to jump all over each other, imputing motives that may not exist. Unfortunately, then, those questions never get asked (or are quickly cut short). This leaves the issue of "lust" artificially simple, where it's easy to just hate it all...and anything associated with it. (Or to love it and dismiss the well-rooted concerns of the despisers.)

A sampler of questions that don't get asked (or considered very carefully):

1. Granting that it's wrong to lust for another woman via her "image," is it wrong to find a cartoon sketch appealing? (An illustration which looks like no one in particular.) For instance, when I was a teen, I found the wife in "Blondie" (comic) to be extremely appealing and imagined finding a wife of similar figure & personality (and, frankly, I didn't care whether she had blonde or brunette hair! and no, I didn't think her waist would actually be THAT small!).

2. Is it wrong to be aroused by a mudflap? (Of course, I'm talking about the abstract figure of woman found on certain mudflaps - ha!)

3. Is it wrong to be aroused by the *concept* of woman? (Without any particular woman, picture, or illustration in mind or before the eye.)

4. Did any of you ladies find it easier to appreciate your brother's (or friends') admiration for other women (SI, posters, Maxim, Playboy) than to accept it in your husband? (Of course, this has nothing to do with whether it is *right,* but simply, sincerely, probes deeper about the emotional effects, etc.)

5. Did any of you ladies discover Playboy (or early pinup) from an early age - and think, "Wow! those women are beautiful. I want to look like that when I grow up." And, later, with reasonably balanced body perspective, think, "I do sometimes look that good"? (I have read of some who do.)

6. You've been married 20 years... What if - for your wedding gift - you had given your new husband an airbrushed painting of YOU (in your nubile, pre-childbearing years) in erotic pose (or old, Coca-Cola-style pinup)? would you be revulsed by your husband...

a. "finding it erotic"? (but not becoming physically aroused)
b. "finding it arousing"? (but nothing more)
c. "jerking off to it"?
d. "jerking off while gazing at it AND thanking you for being such a good wife and raising 5 children"?
e. (if you have a terrible accident that leaves you paralyzed without sexual function) "jerking off to it while speaking sweetly and endearingly to you of his deep gratitude and lifelong commitment to caring for you"?

7. When a woman is "carried away" with a romance novel - a non-sexual but graphic one - and she imaginately "swoons" when the hero saves her from danger and kisses her deeply - is this anything like a man's reaction to porn? (by *graphic* I mean it contains vivid visual description - such as that the hero has brown hair with peculiar haircut, uses a certain gel, while the heroine has a pageboy hairstyle, ballet limbs and a beauty mark on her hip)

8. How alike? (the woman's and man's reaction)

9. Is it wrong for a woman to become aroused while reading the setting/plot above?

None of this is said to blur the real, deeply affecting issues of porn. In fact, it is my opinion that failure to deal keenly with questions like those above blocks us from understanding more deeply the real issues...and their rightful effects!

Porn - and our response to it - is more complex and more *complicated* than we admit...or even reckognize. That doesn't make it *right.* But it does suggest that there is danger in oversimplifying. It may turn out that our reactions are - in some cases - more severe than they ought to be. And, in others, too sympathetic.

And some of our righteousness might turn out to be "self-righteousness." Let us be sure our *love* or *hatred* of a thing is not based in our own self-absorbed rationale or feelings. And I mean that toward men and women, pro- and anti- porn crusaders.

Waiting for arrows and slingshots,
Mark


The fact that you are "waiting for arrows and slingshots" makes me think you like to rile things up. You make me feel even worse about myself, and I didn't think that was possible.

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Re:

Postby lonelylizzie » Mon Oct 03, 2011 8:02 pm

[/quote]And to those who fret about "body image," I will leave unanswered the worthy question, "Would you rather jerk off to this perfect illustration in intense fantasy or have even the tamest playtime with your imperfect wife, who sports a pimple on her back?"[/quote]


My husband would answer "Yes" he would rather jerk off to this perfect illustration in intense fantasy than have any kind of sex with me, and he has done this for over a year. I give up.

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Married men and porn

Postby mamame » Mon Oct 03, 2011 8:14 pm

lonelylizzie wrote:
And to those who fret about "body image," I will leave unanswered the worthy question, "Would you rather jerk off to this perfect illustration in intense fantasy or have even the tamest playtime with your imperfect wife, who sports a pimple on her back?"[/quote]


My husband would answer "Yes" he would rather jerk off to this perfect illustration in intense fantasy than have any kind of sex with me, and he has done this for over a year. I give up.[/quote]

Been there Lizzie. My DH chose porn even though I was offering him the exact same things he was seeing. It's not about the sex.

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Re: "12 Reasons Men View Porn" (and other visual eroti

Postby PS56 » Mon Oct 03, 2011 8:31 pm

lonelylizzie wrote:This just makes me sad, the whole thing. What I hear in here is that we can never compete with porn which is our deepest fear unless we try to imitate porn. I can understand the visual, but I was saddened by this as I don't think I could ever compete with the ANGLES and the variety of props, etc. With all that in mind, how can we relish the glorious feminine? We are already beaten down by this to start with and now we are supposed to feel glorious?

lonelylizzie, you read above one person's opinion of what attracts men to porn. I would submit that the list is all of the possible reasons why men might be attracted to porn, but IMO many of the reasons do not apply to many men at all. Some of them I think are quite a stretch, e.g., the "angles" thing. Also, the list and the accompanying comments make it seem that a normal man would prefer porn to his wife and that there is no way a wife can "compete" as you put it, and that is just not true. Indeed, it appears that a lot of men use porn for reasons that have nothing to do with their wives or satisfaction with their sex life.

I hesitate to offer more comments of a general nature, only because this is a touchy subject on this forum, and comments on this subject are often misconstrued, but suffice it to say that if your husband is not having sex with you and is instead choosing porn when you are available to him, the problem is with him, not with you or any failure on your part to "compete," etc. Please do not blame yourself or punish yourself for what your husband is doing and the choices he is making.

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby lonelylizzie » Mon Oct 03, 2011 9:38 pm

Thank you so much PS56.

After I read that thread I felt so defeated. I am very good at beating myself up, especially after hearing how much everything is my fault for the past 2 yrs, and how if I "only did ______, maybe I would feel safe enough to have sex with you."

Thank you for telling me that I am not responsible, because he is trying to make me responsible.

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby Only a test » Mon Dec 19, 2011 2:54 pm

lonelylizzie wrote:Thank you so much PS56.

After I read that thread I felt so defeated. I am very good at beating myself up, especially after hearing how much everything is my fault for the past 2 yrs, and how if I "only did ______, maybe I would feel safe enough to have sex with you."

Thank you for telling me that I am not responsible, because he is trying to make me responsible.

You are in no way responsible for your husband's unexplainable behavior. Any man with eyes shouldn't prefer porn over his own wife.

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby jazzed » Fri Mar 23, 2012 4:51 am

To answer this as a guy, the list above, while true to a certain extent, does not explain why I at times am tempted to go back to porn (I used as a teenager, and slipped once after I married DW. Worst time of my life... It has been a couple of years now, but I still watch my back).

Firstly, I have to point out that all reasons are purely selfish. As such, when explaining here, I am not saying things should be this way, I am only saying that as a sinful person, here are some of my weaknesses (or some of the lies Satan tries against me).

1. I can get lost in Porn. Now I use books for the same reason, but porn allows you to dumb down your mind and forget everything bad in your life.

2. Porn requires nothing back. It doesn't require being in a certain mood. It doesn't need to be reaffirmed. It doesn't expect anything.

3. Porn gives a sad sort of temporary comfort, like drinking seawater. It takes away the pain for a little while. You might say "but so does being with your wife" (taking away the pain that is, not the sea-water part). That is true. But getting the same comfort from DW would require my asking for that comfort, and sometimes I feel so weak, I don't know if I can open myself up without loosing myself in the process.

4. Porn tells a lie of happy people who want YOU. They enjoy what they are doing, and they want YOU to be a part of it. (so many lies it makes me sick). It can be tempting to jump into this fairyland, instead of having to work on my own marriage, where things simply aren't as simple.

5. When you feel guilty about using porn, porn will take away the guilt. That's right. Instead of repenting, you can just go look at some more porn and it will deaden your spiritual nerves, leaving you a little more blunted, a little more unaware of Gods presence, but blissfully pain-free.

6. Porn gives you exactly what you want when you want it.

Now I'm sure there are other things that I could add to this list, but instead I'd like to add some reasons why I quit (to oppose the original list), some things that helped me out.

1. I believe we live for more than just surviving til Heaven. This life is for enjoying and loving. This world is magnificent. I wanted to see that again, instead of be locked up in a dark room.

2. Porn requires so much back. It wants your family. It wants your self-respect. Your ability to have a good sexual relationship with your wife. Your ability to look into your daughters or sons eyes. It wants your soul. I didn't want to give these things up, and sometimes, that's what I have to remind myself when Satans lies come crawling.

3. My wife and my God offer permanent healing from hurt (each in their won way and at their own level, not trying to be blasphemous here). And opening myself up to my wife only lets me loose the hurt, nothing else. It requires me to be humble, which is hard, but so worth it.

4.They are not happy, they are drunk and drugged (with few exceptions). They do not know you. No matter what their body language is saying, they do not want you. The fairyland can seem nice, but it isn't real. The real thing might not be free, but it is real, it lasts. And it has all kinds of benefits the fake version does not.

5. I want God in my life. For a while, that meant the pain of disappointing Him, of causing pain to my Savior. But this is the pain of a healing bone. It hurts a little, but it leads the bone being whole again. Morphine does not, although it might feel better at the time. And in the end, healing leaves you not numb, but filled with true happiness. I wanted that happiness.

6. Porn makes you want things you never wanted before. It advertises its wares making them seem very appealing. In hindsight they were chocolate covered grubs. They look wonderfully chocolatey, but they were still grubs, and you can feel them squirming around inside you.

Understanding these lies has helped me a lot. Most of all the image of my wife crying on the side of our bed has scared my straight. Maybe forcing your men to face up to some of these truths will help them, I don't know. But in any case, you as wives need to realize that if he doesn't get of the porn, not it's not your fault. It's his fault, for preferring a lie over the truth, and for preferring your tears over his own pain.


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