Married men and porn

Addiction, wrong expectations, habitual masturbation ...

Men - in the last 3 months, have you willingly sought or viewed porn?

I have not viewed any porn.
205
18%
I have slipped a few times. My wife knows.
132
12%
I have slipped a few times. My wife does not know.
207
18%
I have slipped many times. My wife knows.
106
9%
I have slipped many times. My wife does not know.
148
13%
I am addicted. My wife knows.
97
9%
I am addicted. My wife does not know.
68
6%
I look at porn, but I don't think it's wrong. My wife knows.
50
4%
I look at porn, but I don't think it's wrong. My wife does not know.
33
3%
My wife and I look at it together occasionally.
62
5%
My wife and I look at it together regularly.
23
2%
 
Total votes: 1131

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beautyfromashes
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby beautyfromashes » Wed Jun 13, 2012 1:26 pm

Sharky,

That was an interesting choice for a first post.

I have to say, that's a lot of mental and theological gymnastics to justify something that even non-Christians think is wrong.

What do you do with Psalm 101:3?
Bible
I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me. (NIV)
Deep intimacy always requires work, acceptance, and forgiveness. Lots of it. ~~ Linda Dillow

Sharky

Re: Married men and porn

Postby Sharky » Wed Jun 13, 2012 3:21 pm

beautyfromashes wrote:Sharky,

That was an interesting choice for a first post.

I have to say, that's a lot of mental and theological gymnastics to justify something that even non-Christians think is wrong.

What do you do with Psalm 101:3?
Bible
I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me. (NIV)


If I turn on the television, and there is an episode of a crime drama on, and during that, two non-Christians get into a fight and shoot each other, is it a sin that I watched?

And regarding the statement about what non-Christians think, I feel I'd ask to see some form of statistics about what non-Christians feel on the issue. Pornography is widely accepted among non-Christians, even among married couples.

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Headsong
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby Headsong » Wed Jun 13, 2012 4:08 pm

Soooo?
Zorro was a servant of the people, defending and freeing the broken and forgotten.

Remembering our son, Ben Jan 22, 1992 to Aug 26, 2011.

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landschooner
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby landschooner » Thu Jun 14, 2012 12:45 pm

Sharky, you are wrong and you missed Jesus' point. God IS concerned about the attitudes of the heart and you CAN sin with your thoughts and desires. Its a very clear and accepted and CORRECT teaching. In the same discourse Jesus speaks of sin with respect to anger. The anger ITSELF can be sin. Is anger always sin? Certainly not, but even if you DO nothing else other than harbor anger, you can be in sin.

I DO believe that it is technically true that someone, most likely a woman, can watch porn without lust. I'm sure that there are even men out there who can though the number will be MUCH MUCH smaller. For MOST men, lust would be and IS an issue.

WORRYING can be sin. Do you not trust God? (I worry all the time. But if I wallow in it......sure, it can be sin)
PRIDE......self explanatory
ENVY
COVETOUSNESS
DISCONTENT - This one has variation. I'm discontent with my zeal for God. Is that sin? No. I'm discontent with someone's sin against me? Is that sin? I don't know. I'm discontent with what God has allowed in my life? Is that sin? Yes. We could go on and on about this one.
APATHY - I don't CARE about the lost.
HATRED - hatred of sin. Ok. Hatred of my brother. Sin.

God doesn't just care about what you do. He cares about WHO you are.

(Anyway, nuff said. Please know, even though we disagree, I'm glad you are here and participating in the discussions. )

LS

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby Leah » Thu Jun 14, 2012 6:48 pm

Sharky wrote:If I turn on the television, and there is an episode of a crime drama on, and during that, two non-Christians get into a fight and shoot each other, is it a sin that I watched?

And regarding the statement about what non-Christians think, I feel I'd ask to see some form of statistics about what non-Christians feel on the issue. Pornography is widely accepted among non-Christians, even among married couples.


You're really just here to start trouble, aren't you?
Leah

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beautyfromashes
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby beautyfromashes » Thu Jun 14, 2012 8:30 pm

Sharky wrote:And regarding the statement about what non-Christians think, I feel I'd ask to see some form of statistics about what non-Christians feel on the issue. Pornography is widely accepted among non-Christians, even among married couples.


Check out yourbrainonporn.com. Secular source on the science of why porn is bad for you.
Deep intimacy always requires work, acceptance, and forgiveness. Lots of it. ~~ Linda Dillow

mamame
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby mamame » Thu Jun 14, 2012 9:24 pm

Sharky wrote:
beautyfromashes wrote:Sharky,

That was an interesting choice for a first post.

I have to say, that's a lot of mental and theological gymnastics to justify something that even non-Christians think is wrong.

What do you do with Psalm 101:3?
Bible
I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me. (NIV)


If I turn on the television, and there is an episode of a crime drama on, and during that, two non-Christians get into a fight and shoot each other, is it a sin that I watched?
.


Maybe.

But the bigger issue I see its that either you don't understand the difference, or you are rationalizing.

Either way, you would be well served to look into it.

My question to you, is what benefit do you feel porn brings to your life. If you can answer that question honestly, you will start to be able to unlock the rest.

************
Why yes, I do post from my phone. How could you tell?

mamame
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby mamame » Thu Jun 14, 2012 9:33 pm

Sharky wrote:I'm not sure if I understand the mentality of most of the men or women posting to this thread. ......



This is in response to that whole post.

If you are here to dialog and learn that's great. If you are here to debate, save your energy.

If you genuinely believe the ideas you put forth in that post bring you into the fullest relationship with God, then you should follow them full stop. You don't need our approval.

However, the fact that you feel the need to convince us, or to look for someone to affirm those beliefs kinda indicates that you know its not the truth.

Just something to think about.

************
Why yes, I do post from my phone. How could you tell?

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby HerKnight » Fri Jun 15, 2012 4:10 am

mamame wrote:If you genuinely believe the ideas you put forth in that post bring you into the fullest relationship with God, then you should follow them full stop. You don't need our approval. However, the fact that you feel the need to convince us, or to look for someone to affirm those beliefs kinda indicates that you know its not the truth.

+1 To abuse Shakespeare - "[Thou] doth protest too much, methinks."
HerKnight
"Our Lord finds our desires not too strong but too weak... We are far too easily pleased" - C.S Lewis, The Weight of Glory

One Day

Re: Married men and porn

Postby One Day » Sat Dec 29, 2012 4:36 pm

Had problem with porn most of my life. Was porn free for long time had K-9 on my comp. then I the got a new phone no K-9. So starting over. One week porn free.
I know It will ruin my marrage. God is good! I can do this I love my wife.

Stylus

Re: Married men and porn

Postby Stylus » Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:03 am

I have had some problems with porn. However this has been in large part due to my DW refusing almost any form of intimacy. She caught me in the act a few times which made her feel unwanted. I understand that but it started because she made me feel unwanted (loved) because she refused me sex so many times I was sexually frustrated. I have always had to initiate sex, I would always done whatever I could to please her. Before kids we had a great sex life. It's like after kids she lost all libido.

As such, I resented it and was able to find release through porn. It was after several years of this that I found the light on the sin of pornography. I made the decision to give it up an did so successfully for about 15 months, all the while trying to rekindle a relationship with my wife. after about month 3 of a porn free change. I told her I had given it up and wanted her to forgive me and try to restart. Unfortunately, for me this was well received but never lead to a typically healthy sex relationship with my wife. I maintained my porn celibacy but did have to self relieve myself because she always had an excuse for not wanting intimacy. I went over a year without porn until finally on her terms we were able to reengage in a great intimate experience for both of us. As least she said it was great. I thought by my giving it up and demonstrating my desire to stay clean of this sexual sin, waiting until she was ready, that it would rekindle and allow us to forgive and move to a new stage of our marriage.

Unfortunately however, she clammed back up, showing negative response to any flirtations or simply trying to get a kiss. This continues today and has lead to me slipping a few times and going back to porn. At this point I have decided she has no interest in sex, or in me. I have decided to avoid pornography regardless of how our relationship goes from here. I am not really sure yet what to do. She seems to think that I am the cause of the problem but she does nothing to nurture me, or forgive me for this. I frankly, have reached a point where I am not attracted to her, physically, emotionally, or intellectually.

As my faith has grown greatly, I read the Bible, practice what I am learning from regular church involvement, consistent prayer and patience to await God's time. But I sit here with probably the coldest time in our marriage and wonder why I am still here. Our marriages seems hopeless at this time. She wants to blame everything on me but does not accept her part. She wants to keep punishing me. If something does not change quickly our marriage is going to be over

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Re: Married men and porn

Postby txtwindad » Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:32 am

You aren't alone, Stylus. There are quite a few men on this site that could have written the same post. You should subscribe to the refused section of the boards. Click on the link at the top of the page that says "What I'm not seeing" Then you can subscribe to that section.
 "Baby, Baby go and fetch some water,
Pour it on me so's I don't melt.
Can't you see you've got me burnin' hotter
Than a black vinyl car seat in ..." Two Tons of Steel

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Dgenerous
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Married men and porn

Postby Dgenerous » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:50 am

Stylus. You are going to find a lot of good support here.

The porn has to go. I realize you're in a difficult situation, but porn is only going to add to your problems. It's not the answer. You can't blame your wife for porn, and you can't wait for her to change before you do.

I agree you should join the refused section. You're going to need to separate her sin from yours. Have the two of you ever done any counseling?
I have found the one whom my soul loves.

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ecnlovescln
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby ecnlovescln » Thu Dec 26, 2013 8:28 pm

Stylus I recommend two books for you to read, "Surfing for God" and "Every Man's Battle". They have given me new insight as to the 34 year struggle with porn I have gone through.
I am a refused husband also, so like Dgenerous and txtwindad recommended you should subscribe to the refused section of the boards. Support and help is there.
If I could offer something I learned just the other day from reading The Forgiven Wife blog
"You can change only yourself; you can’t change your wife.
Work on your own walk with Christ and do what God calls you to do.
Pray for and support your wife’s relationship with Christ.
Be married to the wife you have, not to the wife you wish you had."

I'm adding you to my prayer list, brother.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. Ephesians 5:25 NKJV

bilbo1152
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby bilbo1152 » Sat Mar 21, 2015 12:06 am

The one I picked like it wife don't know that was in the past I got caught lots and lies about it I've been clean 1.5 year's but it still hurts

ItsJustUs
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby ItsJustUs » Fri Jun 16, 2017 4:49 pm

As I have time I'm browsing though older posts on tmb. I wanted to read the Christianity Today article mentioned in this post by luckierest1! Son page 9 but when I click on the link I get sent to a main page for Today's Christian Woman. Dos anyone know the title of the article or how I can find it? posting.php?mode=quote&f=15&p=624228

tender twig
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby tender twig » Thu Jun 22, 2017 12:03 pm

ItsJustUs
take that link (http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/200 ... /4.36.html)
and put it into Archive.org

I found a version from 2010 you can use to read it, there are others
for Convenience:
http://web.archive.org/web/201004110528 ... /4.36.html

Note it is a four page article, and the arrows DO work.

ItsJustUs
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby ItsJustUs » Fri Jun 23, 2017 10:42 am

Thank you! That archive is new to me! It only let me read the first 2 pages, but that could be because I'm on a phone and don't have a strong signal. I'll try later at home on my tablet

tender twig
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Re: Married men and porn

Postby tender twig » Sat Jun 24, 2017 12:09 pm

ItrsJustus:

You are right, it only showed the first 2 pages, as did some other dates. Sorry.

But below is a snapshot from 2008 which, I believe, shows the whole article on one page.

http://web.archive.org/web/200810160935 ... /4.36.html


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