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She is AFRAID, but willing.

Use of mouth on each other for foreplay or climax.
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firefly
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She is AFRAID, but willing.

Post by firefly »

Been married now for almost 42 years come July. My wife for 30+ years has wanted to do oral sex to completion for me. She has tried it a couple times and gagged, but still tells me she wants to do this for me, but can't seem to get past the fear factor. She regularly engages in oral sex on me, then moves on to other things. She often licks or sucks the remnant and has no problem with that after sex. Out of the blue, she will comment to me that she wishes she could do me and swallow, BUT. My question is: Have any of you overcome the fear of oral sex (men or women), or more specifically, overcome the fear of DH ejaculating in your mouth, and how did you overcome that fear?
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Hiswifeagain
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Re: She is AFRAID, but willing.

Post by Hiswifeagain »

I asked him to warn me when he’s getting close so I can be prepared. It could be an agreed on sign like stroking her hair or a specific word. Eventually you can pick up the cues from him.


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DoveGrey
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Re: She is AFRAID, but willing.

Post by DoveGrey »

I agree that a signal would be helpful. It could be that she's afraid of the shock of it.

I also feel that it would be very kind if you gently told her that if ejaculation was too much for her, it would be ok with you if she pulled off in the middle of it. That might alleviate any fears that once she commits, she's got no choice but to stay with it. It reassures her that you support her.

From me to her: I was terrified the first time I did it. Her fears are normal. I think it took me a good five minutes of just staring at it before I summoned up the courage. The anticipation was far worse than the act itself. She already doesn't mind the taste and texture, so that won't be a surprise for her. Compared to those things, the spurting isn't a big deal. Keep a glass of water by the bed to help rinse everything down afterward.

And there is really nothing quite like knowing you have accomplished that. There is a sense of joy there that is different from other sexual activity. There is no better feeling than lying in his arms after I've provided him with such pleasure. It's a beautiful thing to know that you're capable of giving him such a gift. It far surpasses any fear.
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Re: She is AFRAID, but willing.

Post by David »

Would using a condom work?
Alternatively getting you close and then finishing with her hands/a toy, trying to go further each time.
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Re: She is AFRAID, but willing.

Post by firefly »

David wrote: Tue Feb 23, 2021 5:39 am Would using a condom work?
Alternatively getting you close and then finishing with her hands/a toy, trying to go further each time.
She has done the condom, but doesn't like it, nor do i. And for doing other things, she has done those also.
DoveGrey wrote: Mon Feb 22, 2021 11:09 pm I agree that a signal would be helpful. It could be that she's afraid of the shock of it.

I also feel that it would be very kind if you gently told her that if ejaculation was too much for her, it would be ok with you if she pulled off in the middle of it. That might alleviate any fears that once she commits, she's got no choice but to stay with it. It reassures her that you support her.

From me to her: I was terrified the first time I did it. Her fears are normal. I think it took me a good five minutes of just staring at it before I summoned up the courage. The anticipation was far worse than the act itself. She already doesn't mind the taste and texture, so that won't be a surprise for her. Compared to those things, the spurting isn't a big deal. Keep a glass of water by the bed to help rinse everything down afterward.

And there is really nothing quite like knowing you have accomplished that. There is a sense of joy there that is different from other sexual activity. There is no better feeling than lying in his arms after I've provided him with such pleasure. It's a beautiful thing to know that you're capable of giving him such a gift. It far surpasses any fear.
The one time she was successful, she was overjoyed, but fell back into that fear factor the next go round.
She has told me that she can tell when its about to happen, so there is no shock.
Pulling off in the middle does sound like it would reassure her.
Thanks for addressing my DW, she appreciates that.
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Re: She is AFRAID, but willing.

Post by Tantalum »

I don't have the answer but the quesion baffles me sightly so I'll join in the conversation.

I'm no expert but DW and I have done OS to completion a few times and she didn't have any problem with gagging. We were only trying things and she only put my penis in her mouth to about an inch, not much deeper than that. I always imagined gagging is only a problem if the ejaculation spurt hits the throat but I guess DW probably directed it carefully or maybe used her tongue to block the flow. I don't know but she seemed quite OK. So maybe I don't understand something here but I though it would be quite easy to avoid a problem? What am I missing here?
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Re: She is AFRAID, but willing.

Post by DoveGrey »

Tantalum wrote: Tue Feb 23, 2021 12:28 pm
So maybe I don't understand something here but I though it would be quite easy to avoid a problem? What am I missing here?
Some people have stronger gag reflexes than others. For example, I have difficulty even doing x-rays at the dentist. So OS to completion can be difficult for various reasons. Those reasons won't be the same in all women. For some, it's the ejaculate. For others, it's the swelling that happens just prior to finishing. I personally trained my gag reflex to lighten up by repeatedly touching the parts of my mouth that are sensitive. And the deeper back it gets for me, I have to mentally remove myself from the situation so my focus is drawn away from the reflex.

Sounds like your DW has the kind of non-existent gag reflex that I wish I had!
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SongOfAngels
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Re: She is AFRAID, but willing.

Post by SongOfAngels »

I find myself strongly wanting to gag at the moment of ejaculation because i find it disasteful to have my mouth filled with semen but i still do it
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Re: She is AFRAID, but willing.

Post by Ron »

David wrote: Tue Feb 23, 2021 5:39 am Would using a condom work?
Alternatively getting you close and then finishing with her hands/a toy, trying to go further each time.
I would gladly use a condom if my wife would give me oral sex!
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Re: She is AFRAID, but willing.

Post by firefly »

DoveGrey wrote: Mon Feb 22, 2021 11:09 pm From me to her: I was terrified the first time I did it. Her fears are normal. I think it took me a good five minutes of just staring at it before I summoned up the courage. The anticipation was far worse than the act itself. She already doesn't mind the taste and texture, so that won't be a surprise for her. Compared to those things, the spurting isn't a big deal. Keep a glass of water by the bed to help rinse everything down afterward.

And there is really nothing quite like knowing you have accomplished that. There is a sense of joy there that is different from other sexual activity. There is no better feeling than lying in his arms after I've provided him with such pleasure. It's a beautiful thing to know that you're capable of giving him such a gift. It far surpasses any fear.
My DW liked you addressing her and said that is accurate. She hasn't tried again, but I am hoping others will reply and she will be encouraged to do so.
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