Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Can't orgasm, pain during intercourse, etc.
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Hislittlefirecracker
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Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby Hislittlefirecracker » Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:57 pm

I haven't been married very long, so I'm still figuring out what is normal and what isn't. I can orgasm no problem, but the length of time that it takes is causing some problems in my and DH's relationship. Usually I stimulate my clitoris during IC and DH stimulates my breasts and vagina. I can most of the time I can orgasm this way without a problem, but it usually takes between 5 and 15 minutes or sometimes a little longer. Is this normal? DH finds it rather wearisome to work that long to get me there. Is there a way to get to orgasm faster?

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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby ledgemoor » Sat Sep 22, 2012 3:10 pm

Congratulations on your marriage.

Making love isn't something that should be rushed. Your husband needs to slow down, enjoy the closeness, and if 15 minutes of hand and mouth work on the wife he loves makes him weary, he needs to get in shape.

Based on our experience, you are already fast. I'd say it takes an average of 30 minutes, and sometimes over an hour. I can count on one hand the number of times she has come in 5 minutes in our 30 years of marriage. The longer it takes her, the stronger her orgasms, so I encourage her not to hurry. The foreplay isn't the best part of sex, but it is still a great part that I enjoy very much. So the more the merrier :D.

Maybe I was a bit harsh in my crticism of your husband's physical condition. It does get tiring especially at first. So another reason to take it slow. Alternate hands, alternate between manual and oral, switch breasts every few minutes.... Being in good physical shape IS important.
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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby txtwindad » Sat Sep 22, 2012 8:30 pm

5 to 15 minutes is NOT long. What is it that he finds "wearisome"? It is not unusual that a newly wed guy can't last that long doing PIV. If the trouble is that he can't hold out that long waiting on you to O, that is perfectly understandable. In that case, the answer is to spend much more time in foreplay and either have you O before PIV or almost ready to O when you start PIV. For my DW and I we feel very rushed if we don't have at least 45 minutes for a LMing session. Your 5-15 minutes to O is completely normal.

Coupled together with your other post I'm concerned that your DH isn't being generous with you. You need to talk to him and frankly tell him what you need. Sounds like he needs to grow up a bit.
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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby librarian » Sun Sep 23, 2012 1:56 pm

Hello, HFC,

I'm going to try to be charitable toward your husband and assume that he is merely a clueless goob.

To your hubs - yes, it IS normal. Deal with it and learn how to be a lover to your wife.

HFC, your husband has some reading to do in order to learn about you and what you need. Print out the text of the three articles I am posting below, as he needs to read them and comprehend them. Your marriage bed is not just HIS marriage bed, and he needs to be there for you and your pleasure/satisfaction, and not begrudge you the time that it takes to achieve this. Instead, he needs to see that the time that he gets to spend doing this is the time that will draw the two of you closer together as husband and wife.

Here are the articles:

Sexual Foreplay Tips to Help Arouse Her

Foreplay Techniques and Tipsl

Foreplay Tips, Silver Bullets, and Oxytocin
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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby MapleSyrup » Sun Sep 23, 2012 2:04 pm

If it's abnormal at all, it's in the fact that that is a very FAST climax for a woman. Yay for you! :wink:

The only way it could be faster is, in my experience, you do it yourself. (i.e. I can orgasm in a couple minutes on my own, as I KNOW what feels good and I don't have to give myself any directions... if dh is doing the majority of the stimulating it can take 30 minutes or more)
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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby InGodsGrace » Sun Sep 23, 2012 4:38 pm

Does he like sex? Why is he in such a hurry to get it over with?

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Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby Sas » Sun Sep 23, 2012 4:59 pm

InGodsGrace wrote:Does he like sex? Why is he in such a hurry to get it over with?


She has another thread in the lack of desire section that explains a little more.
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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby thisbejoe7 » Mon Sep 24, 2012 5:12 am

Your DH needs to suck it up and stop his whining. I can't understand guys who have a willing wife who just need a little time and effort and all they can do is whine about how long it takes. I think the averages are statistically around 20 minutes for most women, so 5-15 is actually quite good. I think you guys have lots of options to improve this situation aside from just telling your DH to stop his whining. :-)

Maybe there are practical things you guys could look into and experiment with. For example, try other positions, try other means of stimulation, etc. Something that works really well for my DW is to do the spoons position (laying on side, me facing her back - rear entry). This way she can be snuggled and there is plenty of room for hand access (MS for her). She gets PIV/thrusting and clitoral stimulation and things move along quite nicely for her. What about OS for you?

I think you guys just need to figure out what works, what doesn't, take some time and experiment. But don't let your DH continue with this lazy attitude about it, he has no idea what some husbands would give to have a wife who was willing to enjoy and participate.

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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby Deelmo » Fri Sep 28, 2012 7:33 am

txtwindad wrote:5 to 15 minutes is NOT long. What is it that he finds "wearisome"? It is not unusual that a newly wed guy can't last that long doing PIV. If the trouble is that he can't hold out that long waiting on you to O, that is perfectly understandable. In that case, the answer is to spend much more time in foreplay and either have you O before PIV or almost ready to O when you start PIV. For my DW and I we feel very rushed if we don't have at least 45 minutes for a LMing session. Your 5-15 minutes to O is completely normal.

Coupled together with your other post I'm concerned that your DH isn't being generous with you. You need to talk to him and frankly tell him what you need. Sounds like he needs to grow up a bit.


+1

Ask him to read "she comes first". As for the 5-15 minutes - my DW would be in heaven if she could do it that fast. Think more like 45 - 1 hour. Your H just needs to slow down and put you first.
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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby alaska bob » Fri Sep 28, 2012 10:59 am

txtwindad wrote:5 to 15 minutes is NOT long. What is it that he finds "wearisome"?


Its not like its 15 minutes of hard labor or drudgery. 15 minutes of pleasure, with a woman who is naturally more responsive than most.

Sounds like DH is not appreciative of the magnitude of his good fortune.

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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby mrpineapple » Fri Sep 28, 2012 4:14 pm

Agree 100% with everything said above.
I can't imagine that doing anything that my wife wanted in bed, for any duration anything she needed or wanted, would be anything less than my very favorite thing imaginable at that moment.
Unfortunately, I think you're probably right to be concerned, but far better addressing things now than later.

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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby rediron » Fri Sep 28, 2012 9:56 pm

My two cents
I LOVE LOVE LOVE playing with my wife. 15 minutes? I have in the past given my view of exciting the wife as leading her up a long tortuous path up a mountain to finally arrive at a sheer high precipice, where you push her off, and enjoy her screams all the way down.
I love the lady bits. There are inner lips, outer lips, the clitoris, the clitoral hood, the clitoral body streching back under the hood, the mons vineris, HER PUBIC HAIR, the g-spot,The Clitoral vestibules (ahh, gentlemen - look that up, ohh, look that up - they are erectile! and can be very sensitive.) There is her sweet nectar, and the little ripples of the beginnings of arousal, each step to be enjoyed. Oh So Many Toys, so little time! No wonder they call it "the little death". Enjoy mon Ami, enjoy the time driving the DW out of her mind. Ah, I always get mushy when talking about the glorious lady bits!
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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby golfwidow » Sat Sep 29, 2012 5:44 am

rediron wrote: I love the lady bits. There are inner lips, outer lips, the clitoris, the clitoral hood, the clitoral body streching back under the hood, the mons vineris, HER PUBIC HAIR, the g-spot,The Clitoral vestibules (ahh, gentlemen - look that up, ohh, look that up - they are erectile! and can be very sensitive.) There is her sweet nectar, and the little ripples of the beginnings of arousal, each step to be enjoyed. Oh So Many Toys, so little time! No wonder they call it "the little death". Enjoy mon Ami, enjoy the time driving the DW out of her mind. Ah, I always get mushy when talking about the glorious lady bits!


Oh I wish my DH was as enthusiastic

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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby Hislittlefirecracker » Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:09 am

Thanks for all of the advice! We were finally able to have a good long talk about our sex life where each of us was open and honest about our feelings and needs. Our sex life has improved SO much since then! He's been more interested in sex in general and much more eager to make sure I orgasm. We are both learning to just relax and enjoy the experience. Hooray! :D

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Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby azpeach » Sun Oct 14, 2012 4:26 pm

Spend however much time it takes

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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby livinginblurredlines » Fri Nov 02, 2012 9:07 am

golfwidow wrote:
rediron wrote: I love the lady bits. There are inner lips, outer lips, the clitoris, the clitoral hood, the clitoral body streching back under the hood, the mons vineris, HER PUBIC HAIR, the g-spot,The Clitoral vestibules (ahh, gentlemen - look that up, ohh, look that up - they are erectile! and can be very sensitive.) There is her sweet nectar, and the little ripples of the beginnings of arousal, each step to be enjoyed. Oh So Many Toys, so little time! No wonder they call it "the little death". Enjoy mon Ami, enjoy the time driving the DW out of her mind. Ah, I always get mushy when talking about the glorious lady bits!


Oh I wish my DH was as enthusiastic


+100 I wish mine was, too. I would love for my body and all its intricate bits to drive him WILD and for him to be in awe of it. Instead, I feel like he sees me as a cute, collective, pinup whole.

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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby justamom » Fri May 30, 2014 9:45 pm

I used to be able to O right away and now takes forever. Sometimes we both know if it isn't going to happen. Is that normal?


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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby ledgemoor » Mon Jun 02, 2014 8:52 am

Right on, Rediron! Glad I am not the only one here who loves pubic hair.

Justamom, It has always, with rare exceptions, taken DW a long time. We assume that is normal. She is fastest when we haven't done it in a while. Are you doing it more ? :wink:

When it happens, are your orgasms still good, strong orgasms? Is it still happening as often, but just taking longer? If so, I wouldn't worry about it -- just enjoy! I wish it took me longer :lol:.

If the quality of your orgasms have suffered, or it just doesn't happen as often as before, it could be hormonal. (Birth control pills? Age?) FWIW DW had a hysterectomy/oophorectomy, and it took a while to get her hormone replacement dialed in again. She was having difficulty O'ing. She was on a fairly high dosage of testosterone already, but it turns out she needed more estrogen.
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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby justamom » Mon Jun 02, 2014 2:39 pm

Right now things aren't great as we have issues. We were doing daily and right now probably 2-3 times. It is still good when I O but yes I do believe it is tied to frequency of love making.


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Re: Is this normal or is there a faster way?

Postby OldBear » Mon Jun 02, 2014 5:52 pm

HLFC, in our early marriage foreplay varied from 10 to 30 minutes, because I wasn't focused enough on her and we tried to achieve perfection (I.e. simultaneous orgasm). As others have recommend, read and practice, also talk to each other. Hopefully, your DH will be a good listener and be guided by what works for you - the same is true for you with him. In our fifth decade of marriage, we now know each other and bodies very well, and as Rediron writes, my loving and lavish focus on her lady bits as I take her steadily up the 'pleasurably tortuous path' to her climax, allows us to control the time between initiation and climax.

Ironically, there are times I request longer play time as she can O from 0 to 90 (not minutes - seconds)! This happens with a combination of my mouth, hands, and fingers on her and her hands and fingers working in concert. What we do is ease into LMing by gauging and moderating our foreplay in order to give me plenty of foreplay enjoyment and maximize her build up to an O. We now practice 'she comes first' almost exclusively as it allows each of to concentrate on each other.

Practice makes perfect, so practice a lot!


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