I want my O back

Can't orgasm, pain during intercourse, etc.
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seeking perspective
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I want my O back

Postby seeking perspective » Sun Mar 30, 2014 7:02 pm

::help

I have been incredibly frustrated in the O department lately. I've always struggled with O, but it had become easier. For the past couple months, though, it has taken me longer and longer to get there--if I do. More often than not, I get right to the edge and then . . . nothing. I have to build up all over again. It does seem to work more consistently during solo masturbation than during sexual activity with my husband. This bothers me a lot, which probably makes it even worse.

My husband has been a trooper. He has spent so much time with MS, OS, in uncomfortable positions, and even trying something that he finds unpleasant in order to get me there. It works less than half the time.

It has affected our sexual encounters. I find that I want to hold myself back because I don't want to get all worked up and end up with sexual frustration. My husband wonders if it's him and if he's doing something wrong. The other night, I was just on the edge of an O and we ended up exchanging sharp words (due to a miscommunication). This happened while we were still physically connected and I was in a particularly vulnerable and exposed position. It was the first negative and hurtful sexual experience we've had in several years. I'd forgotten how emotionally cutting a negative sexual experience could be.

Our marriage is solid enough now that we were able to resolve things (and today my husband devoted a lot of effort and we had a successful outcome), but I am so frustrated.

I've been under a great deal of stress during the past year. We've had major family transition issues, job loss, financial problems, and a couple different legal situations that are still unresolved.

After my hysterectomy five years ago, my ovaries never seemed to completely wake back up. For the past six months or so, I've noticed that I'm experiencing moodiness like I used to with PMS and very occasional and mild breast tenderness. This all points to fluctuating estrogen levels. We will have health insurance again beginning this week, so I may ask the doctor about getting my hormone levels checked.

Do hormonal changes or stress increase O difficulty? Is this just a season I need to ride out, or is there something I can actually do differently to get my O back where it belongs?

I could use some advice.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
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SeekingChange
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Re: I want my O back

Postby SeekingChange » Sun Mar 30, 2014 7:44 pm

I know stress affects me. I have a hard time getting my mind focused and staying focused when there's a lot going on. There's nothing like another person, situation or "to do's" popping in my mind to throw me off just enough. :? Sorry I can't help you in the hormone situation.
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Re: I want my O back

Postby HisWarrior » Mon Mar 31, 2014 2:57 am

You've got a lot going on, so this may be just a shot in the dark, but I would suggest stopping solo mbing for a while. I seem to get used to that kind of stimulation and it makes other methods not work as well.

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Re: I want my O back

Postby seeking perspective » Mon Mar 31, 2014 4:21 am

HisWarrior wrote:You've got a lot going on, so this may be just a shot in the dark, but I would suggest stopping solo mbing for a while. I seem to get used to that kind of stimulation and it makes other methods not work as well.

I tried this for the exact same reason you suggest, and it didn't seem to make a difference. I also tried self-stimulation while with my husband, and that occasionally helps when nothing else will.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
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Re: I want my O back

Postby OldMarriedLady » Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:35 am

I think it might be a good idea to get your hormones checked if you can. When I added testosterone to my hormone "cocktail" it really increased the sensitivity and responsiveness of my clitoris (actually the whole genital area). My drive also became more physical as well as mental/emotional.
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Re: I want my O back

Postby cbmike » Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:39 am

I've noticed that if, after a period of improvement, I experience trouble reaching orgasm again, it tends to put me right back in that struggling frame of mind again. It gets to be very difficult for me to start really enjoying sex again, because I'm so worried that things are back to the way they were before and the improvement was only temporary. Usually, I find things get easier once I've had successful sex a few times.

Not saying this is necessarily the only problem, but I'm sure it's adding to them.
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