Can't get beyond the little pleasure bumps

Can't orgasm, pain during intercourse, etc.
latebloomer
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Can't get beyond the little pleasure bumps

Postby latebloomer » Fri Sep 26, 2014 5:34 pm

I'm female and 51, and I've never had an orgasm. Long story short: shameful upbringing, toxic 26-year marriage, death of my first husband, resuscitation of my deeply repressed sexuality, marriage to my wonderful new husband. My ignorance of female sexual pleasure was so profound that I did not even believe that females could have orgasms until about a year ago. I believed it was all Hollywood myth. My husband has encouraged me and helped me in the most loving way, and I even talked to my doctor about it and also saw a therapist. I'm assured that there is nothing wrong with me physically. My head is pretty messed up about it, but therapy has helped.

I can easily get very aroused, especially with my Hitachi. I can reach a level that I believe is the so-called plateau. Once I'm there, I can ride little waves over and over. They are quite pleasurable, but I'm positive they're not orgasms, and I don't know how to get past them. I can freely initiate them at will. I can do this endlessly, if I don't quit from utter exhaustion. I've done it as many as 30 times before finally giving up. They last about 1/4 of a second. They feel like a little bloom of warm tingles, very localized to my pubic area. There are no contractions, no full body feeling, no feeling of release or satisfaction, no endorphins, no emotion, no flushing. They are not orgasms. How do I get past them and build to the real thing?

There are many wonderful suggestions on this forum, such as bearing down, trying different positions, vibrators, and so on. But I'm terribly confused by some conflicting advice. I'm supposed to relax AND build tension, at the same time. I'm supposed to focus AND let my mind drift, at the same time. I'm supposed to not think of orgasm AND concentrate on building the arousal, at the same time. Which is it?

Alistair
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Re: Can't get beyond the little pleasure bumps

Postby Alistair » Sat Sep 27, 2014 2:12 am

Hi Latebloomer

I'm so sorry for the pain you have experienced in the past.... so sad but I'm glad you are here and as one new comer to another welcome to the forums...

As a man who struggles to get my wife to "O" without her helping I can't help you but I am praying for you that God will graciously open away for you and your wonder husband to experience true pleasure and fulfillment.

God knows us better than we know ourselves he can open away where we can't see one...

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C_Brown
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Re: Can't get beyond the little pleasure bumps

Postby C_Brown » Mon Sep 29, 2014 8:37 pm

When my DW decided to try and get to the point of having orgasms it took over a year of her deliberately making herself relax and suppressing her reflex to tense up when she started feeling pleasure. She would go a little further week by week, letting herself relax while I gently stimulated her manually. She felt more and more pleasure, then what she called 'small o's' and then finally she had a full blown sexual release and it only got better from there.

I would recommend not using a vibrator, frequent use can desensitize you to the gentler stimulation of your spouse's fingers or tongue or penis. Lay back and relax and let him touch your and stimulate you for as long as you can stand before going to PIV. When you get to the point where he can bring you to orgasm before PIV even starts, then you are a lot more likely to have more orgasms during PIV as well. Also, frequent sex helps accelerate the process, don't give your body too much time to forget what happened last time. Also use a good lube.
So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing -- Yvaine (in the movie Stardust)

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TheTigress
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Re: Can't get beyond the little pleasure bumps

Postby TheTigress » Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:54 am

I've not really had trouble in this are. There have been a few times that it took longer to get there or even a handful where I just knew it wasn't going to happen (usually following days that I had multiple O's).

However I don't know if this advice would be helpful or not, sometimes when I'm on the edge and it just seems like I'm not going to get there I need DH to slow down and only do light stimulation. Harder and faster the closer I get is a lot of times what works but there is this other way to that harder and faster just means I'm never going to get there. Also for me I know sometimes when I get close it almost feels like other parts of my vagina ache/crave to be touched in those moments I direct DH to those parts and it sends me over the edge.

Just knowing that there isn't one way to get there should be encouraging :) but I know that it may seem like aiming for a moving target. Just keep trying and try different ways.
Together or not at all- Amy Pond

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TheTigress
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Re: Can't get beyond the little pleasure bumps

Postby TheTigress » Tue Oct 14, 2014 9:06 pm

Any progress? I was thinking about you today! I hope things are going well for you.
Together or not at all- Amy Pond

latebloomer
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Re: Can't get beyond the little pleasure bumps

Postby latebloomer » Thu Oct 30, 2014 8:52 am

Thanks for thinking of me. Sadly, no progress. I'm finally with a wonderful loving man who awakened me to the possibility of sexual fulfillment, but I'm so sexually stunted that learning how to orgasm at my age seems hopeless. It's pretty depressing at times.

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txtwindad
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Re: Can't get beyond the little pleasure bumps

Postby txtwindad » Thu Oct 30, 2014 9:19 am

latebloomer wrote:Thanks for thinking of me. Sadly, no progress. I'm finally with a wonderful loving man who awakened me to the possibility of sexual fulfillment, but I'm so sexually stunted that learning how to orgasm at my age seems hopeless. It's pretty depressing at times.


Don't give up. Seriously, if you keep working toward it, you will get there. I would recommend getting a good quality vibrator to try. Your body needs to learn how to get there and there is nothing wrong with getting a little help to get there. I would recommend the crave duet. It is a high quality vibrator that doesn't give the numbing sensation that comes with cheaper types. It also has no insertion, it is just for clitoral stimulation.

This is a whole different type of stimulation than the hitachi. It may not feel like enough stimulation at first if you are used to the hitachi, but give it a few tries and I think you will be very pleased.

Whatever you do, don't give up. It is NOT hopeless.
 "Baby, Baby go and fetch some water,
Pour it on me so's I don't melt.
Can't you see you've got me burnin' hotter
Than a black vinyl car seat in ..." Two Tons of Steel


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