Micro-orgasms

Can't orgasm, pain during intercourse, etc.
HappyBride
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Micro-orgasms

Postby HappyBride » Mon Oct 20, 2014 7:30 am

I've been married for a month and a half, and as far as I know I have never orgasmed. What I do experience is something that I have heard described as "micro-orgasms." I have a lot of buildup sensations and responses that seem to often precede an orgasm for other women. During clitoral stimulation, I have pleasureable sensations that build up in intensity over the course of several minutes. During this buildup I experience pelvic shudders (I involuntarily thrust my pelvis forward) and have the urge to tense my muscles. Eventually I reach a sort of peak of pleasure, but it only lasts a split second, and then my clitoris becomes extremely sensitive and I experience a refractory period of about one minute, during which I can only handle gentle stimulation. I can do this multiple times.

While I do enjoy these sensations, and they do give me some sense of satisfaction after making love, it's hard not to feel like I'm missing out on the full-blown orgasms that other women describe. I don't feel contractions or "waves," and I'm not sure if I experience a full release.

My biggest question is how I should think about this and what I should do going forward. It's hard not to get discouraged or frustrated. Should I accept these as orgasms, or should I assume that they are not and keep exploring techniques with the goal of eventually experiencing the "real thing." If the latter, does anyone have advise for techniques we should try? Here's our current technique: after a bit of warmup, I will relax my muscles as much as I can while he manually stimulates my clitoris. I ask him to watch the clock and do it for about 12 minutes. I found that specifying the amount of time we're going to give it helps me a lot to relax, because otherwise I'm preoccupied with how long I should let it go and whether he's getting tired. He assures me that he can go longer, and eventually we probably will. I used to tense my muscles to make myself peak more quickly, but I've found that relaxing my muscles allows me to experience more sensations and more pleasure in the longer buildup.

Here's what I already know:
-lots of foreplay helps (we do this, including massages and plenty of other things, lasting as long as a couple of hours)
-nipple stimulation releases oxytocin, which helps with orgasm (we do this)
-stimulate the entire area, rather than just the clitoris (we do this, including the g-spot)
-most women have a higher libido at a certain point in their cycle (boy did we find that out!)
-many women orgasm from OS (I enjoy OS, but it's nowhere near as stimulating as MS)
-use good lube (we do)

I also keep hearing that you're more likely to orgasm when you're focused on the pleasure, rather than the goal of orgasm. I don't know how to do that. Giving manual stimulation a time limit helps, because I can focus on the pleasures rather than waiting for a certain response, but I still can't stop myself from wondering, "Will this be it?" every time it gets intense or I feel something different. Does anyone have advise for HOW I can make this more about the pleasure of the moment? I want to just enjoy being intimate with my husband without these feelings that something is missing, but I'm not sure how to get there mentally. Part of me is freaking out, because I'm afraid that I'm never going to experience "it," or that it will take a very long time. I know that for some newlyweds it can take several weeks or even a few months, but there are plenty of women who have been married for a very long time who say that they have not experienced an orgasm.

Please do not recommend vibrators or MB, as these are not appealing to us.

I am open to the possibility that my entire mindset about this is wrong, and I'm looking for advice.

To give some background, my husband and I have a wonderful relationship with very open communication about sex. We were both virgins when we got married, and we were physically pure during our courtship. My husband says that his best sexual experiences are when he knows he's bringing me pleasure, and he is very patient and will do whatever I ask him. I am extremely blessed. Also, I am not on hormonal birth control.

Thanks in advance for any advice. I have already learned a lot from reading other threads.

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alegria_joy
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Re: Micro-orgasms

Postby alegria_joy » Mon Oct 20, 2014 7:40 am

My first thought is that 12 minutes seems a bit on the short side. Not that it can't happen that quickly, but I had my first O (as a young teen who didn't even know the word masturbation and just stumbled across the process by accident) over 20 years ago, love having them in my marriage bed, have no difficulties or hangups with being MS by my husband, and if we limited ourselves to 12 minutes of stimulation, my number of orgasms would be significantly reduced.

HappyBride
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Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2014 5:52 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): June 9th, 2014
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Re: Micro-orgasms

Postby HappyBride » Mon Oct 20, 2014 8:38 am

Alegria Joy, thanks for the quick response. I did wonder about the time being short, and I was sort of planning to increase it gradually (we started at 10 minutes). It's really hard to have the focus on me for a long period of time...I start to feel guilty and it makes me uncomfortable, even though he always orgasms through PIV either before or after stimulating me. I guess I have to take his word for it that it gives him pleasure to give me pleasure and he doesn't mind if it takes a long time.

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John143
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Re: Micro-orgasms

Postby John143 » Mon Oct 20, 2014 9:42 am

As a man I second your DH and agree with him that giving my DW manual stimulation or OS is just as good as me receiving it. We are programmed to want to please our wives. If he's willing to please you through OS or manual stimulation I suggest enjoy. For a man, there's a huge sense of satisfaction when he's able to give his DW an orgasm. Don't feel bad, just enjoy it.
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alegria_joy
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Re: Micro-orgasms

Postby alegria_joy » Mon Oct 20, 2014 11:14 am

HappyBride wrote:It's really hard to have the focus on me for a long period of time...I start to feel guilty and it makes me uncomfortable, even though he always orgasms through PIV either before or after stimulating me.


Yeah, I know - I had a little bit of a difficult time with that right at first, too. I haven't been married that much longer than you =) but one thing that helped me with the quasi-guiltiness was realizing how much my body enjoys the sensation of my husband's ejaculation; his pulsing is right along the wall that contracts in me when I orgasm, so it's almost as satisfying as having one myself. He found it hard to believe that I liked his pleasure so much, and as I kept trying to tell him how delightful it was for me, I realized that I needed to believe HIM about how much he liked my pleasure, too.

I hope you can relax and have fun with it all!


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