Need help with DW orgasm

Can't orgasm, pain during intercourse, etc.
alexschulze
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Need help with DW orgasm

Postby alexschulze » Mon Dec 15, 2014 12:15 pm

We have been married more around twenty years an sex has reduced drastically. I am fifty and she is forty six. This has affected our marriage. I have been suffering from Low T and ED. I am taking T shots once a week shots , but not very regular. I also need a pill to keep my erections strong. Add anxiety to the equation. I am also to be blamed for watching porn and masturbating (I need to stop this and need help).

We would like to increase our love making frequency. Sexual Intercourse (PIV) is once in two months and though I am able to achieve orgasm, DW remains unsatisfied. Ideally would love to have Penis in Vagina at least once a week. I would like to get feedback on what can be done to achieve orgasm for DW. We have never used toys in our bedroom and are now open to the idea solely for her orgasm. She is not able to get orgasm herself. Are there any other tips which could give pleasure to her when PIV is not possible.

What toys do you'll recommend for her pleasure. I would not want very expensive toys, as I am not sure whether the toy would serve the purpose. Also is there any online website I could buy and remain anonymous. I would not want to go to an Adult store to buy this.

Please pray for us as this is affecting our marriage.
Last edited by alexschulze on Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Need help with DW orgasm

Postby pnbb » Mon Dec 15, 2014 8:56 pm

Welcome, Alex to TMB! I hope you'll find what you're looking for and chime in with your opinions and experience. Everyone here is great and willing to help.

I don't have a whole lot of time but I did want to reply regarding introducing toys. We don't use a wide variety of toys but my clitoral vibrator really helps. I'm sure others will chime in with other suggestions. Has your wife ever had an orgasm? How did she get there?

There is a website that TMB endorses regarding selling toys but not sure what it is. I can't find the link now. And the mailman won't know what you ordered.
HE>i

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Re: Need help with DW orgasm

Postby ledgemoor » Mon Dec 15, 2014 9:16 pm

Have her hormones been checked? It could be low testosterone or estrogens or both. Oxytocin can help. You can get a prescription for oxytocin nasal spray, or do what we do -- suck her nipples a lot. A good multivitamin with extra cal, mag, zinc, & DIM might help. How is her general health?
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Re: Need help with DW orgasm

Postby Rescued » Mon Dec 15, 2014 11:37 pm

Well, I'm not a frequent poster here, but I am a frequent reader, and I think I'm safe in saying that you will be amazed at the change in your sex life if you take porn out of the equation, including your need for a pill for erections.

I am not being critical here, I'm trying to help. Porn is more powerful than many drugs, and in a negative way I'm afraid.

alexschulze
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Re: Need help with DW orgasm

Postby alexschulze » Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:14 am

I dont think she has any problem. I have low T issues. She has got orgasm before, some time because of PIV, sometimes manual. But it is not regular. And now our PIV has reduced, making her frustrated.

I know I have to stop porn.

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Re: Need help with DW orgasm

Postby ledgemoor » Tue Dec 16, 2014 3:27 pm

Well, if she used to have orgasms ok but is having problems now, hormones are the first place to look. Low testosterone affects women as they age too. Since lack of PIV is affecting her, discuss doing more manual & oral with her. If she likes the feeling of something in her, is she open to trying a vibrator? How long have you been on testosterone replacement, or are you? What form are you taking? One little-known weekly injections have worked miracles for me.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

alexschulze
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Re: Need help with DW orgasm

Postby alexschulze » Wed Dec 17, 2014 3:07 pm

Yes, I think she is open for vibrator. Which one would you recommend. I suggested we use a toy for her orgasm.

I am taking Testosterone Cypionate 200mg/ML

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Re: Need help with DW orgasm

Postby ledgemoor » Sat Dec 20, 2014 11:01 am

Ok on the testosterone. I am taking .7ml/week. Wonderful stuff.

You want to get a good vibrator -- Lelo is good. We have their Liv model. When we got it Amazon had the best prices.

Enjoy!
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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rn
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Re: Need help with DW orgasm

Postby rn » Sat Dec 20, 2014 1:34 pm

alexschulze wrote:We would like to increase our love making frequency. Sexual Intercourse (PIV) is once in two months and though I
am able to achieve orgasm, DW remains unsatisfied. Ideally would love to have Penis in Vagina at least once a week


Does this mean both of you sat down and had a chat and decided you would both like to increase frequency to weekly? You alone wanting that vs both of you wanting that are very different scenarios.

I'm glad you know you need to stop the porn. When my husband was using porn, I felt used in our intimate times together. And frankly, most of the time he WAS using me. Porn gives you unrealistic expectations about female sexual response as the women in porn are portrayed as always ready and willing and most of the time they are serving the men. Real women often need to be slowly turned on, over the course of a whole day if you're feeling really creative :)

As far as toys, if she needs strong stimulation I would recommend the Hitachi magic wand. For less intensity, start with a bullet vibe, the kind with a cord between the controller and the bullet. These are inexpensive but not long lasting, so might be good for a first toy as long as you realize you'll be replacing it fairly soon. Both of these can be ordered on amazon and arrive in plain packaging. I recommend coconut oil for use as lubricant for these. If she likes the bullet vibe, you can invest in a better version later.

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Re: Need help with DW orgasm

Postby platypusofdeath » Sat Dec 20, 2014 11:18 pm

If you're looking for an inexpensive but trusty vibe, I can recommend the Trojan Triphoria. I got it at my local Walgreens on a whim (it was my first, and dude, that was an embarrassing experience for me!), but it is a workhorse and is my go-to. It was around $30.
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Re: Need help with DW orgasm

Postby Public » Tue Dec 23, 2014 6:01 am

I've spent my life learning how to make DW's Os as long and as powerful as possible and, in order to keep things "fresh and new," have learned how to reply to her desires when we ML. Learning to kiss her "down there" has been most successful for us, and gently teasing her spot has aroused her desires and given me great pleasure in fulfilling her. I've found that knowing when to stop or change stimulating a spot is instrumental is arousing her desires, and as her arousal builds, letting her reach plateaus, and then changing and beginning to build tension anew from there has taken her Os to a very high level. She has always been a passive lover but, sometimes her desire becomes so strong that she will become aggressive and take control of her own climax. We've also found a spot inside that she likes to massage using a toy, and kissing her while she does this gives her a measure of control and increases the intensity and duration of her releases. Now that she is having as much fun as I am when we ML, frequency is not an issue.

alexschulze
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Re: Need help with DW orgasm

Postby alexschulze » Tue Dec 30, 2014 9:39 am

rn wrote:Does this mean both of you sat down and had a chat and decided you would both like to increase frequency to weekly? You alone wanting that vs both of you wanting that are very different scenarios.

Its not me alone ,but we both feel regular Penis in Vagina is important for our marriage. Many times it has happened that she wanted my penis, but I avoided because of poor erection. She is not happy with [manual stimulation]. She want the closeness felt by penis in vagina.

alexschulze
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How can I satisfy my wife if I am unable to perform PIV?

Postby alexschulze » Wed Oct 21, 2015 9:12 am

Here is my story .... I need help.. English is not my first language, so excuse me for any errors.

For the past few years I am not able to get a good erection when I have sex with my wife. Initial years of marriage we had very good sex. When I was around 42 years my erections were weak. For sometime ED medications helped. I have started watching porn and masturbating. This has affected our marriage , sex with wife has decreased considerably because of me. Even if I take Cialis I dont get a good erection to insert my penis inside her. Went to doctor for low libido and he recommended taking testosterone shots. That didnt help either. I am not sure whether it was a right decision to take testosterone shots. My testicles have shrunk. I dont smoke or take drugs, ocassionally take drinks.

I want to give my wife a good orgasm. She is not satisfied with manual stimulation or even performing oral on her. She wants PIV and I dont blame her. I keep finding excuses that this is part of mid age (I am 50 and she is 46) and male performance is reduced as we age. She says there is no intimacy in our marriage and we are like roommates. We fight a lot for various other reasons too.

We have not used any toys. Can you'll recommend any good toys which would help her with orgasm. I would like to save our marriage and I want her to have a good orgasm. Are there any other guys in similar situation. Would sex therapy help? We would be empty nesters next year and wife is worried that our conflicts would increase because of no sex.

Please help with any suggestions. Thanks in advance.

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Re: Need help with DW orgasm

Postby OldMarriedLady » Wed Oct 21, 2015 9:41 am

So almost a year later you are still having the same problems and asking the same questions. Did you ever buy any of the toys recommended? Did you stop watching porn and masturbating? Have you talked to your doctor about whether your testosterone replacement is being properly monitored, especially checking for estrogen levels?

The porn has to stop. Completely. Please read around the Pornography section here and see what kind of damage is being done to your brain. Go to http://www.yourbrainonporn.com for more information about that. Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is a very real and serious problem in men of all ages. Porn is a drug and needs to be treated as such. It's also a sin and it's disrespectful towards your wife for you to continue watching it.

Just taking testosterone alone may not help. Most men also need close monitoring of other hormone levels in the blood. Excess testosterone converts to estrogen and negates the positive effects of the testosterone, so some men need to take estrogen regulating supplements in addition to the T. We have a section here on the board called Male Testosterone Issues; do some reading there as well to find out what questions you need to ask your doctor. (My husband's testicles shrunk too, but the rest of the equipment works great so it's a non-issue for us. His T-therapy is very skillfully managed though.)

Has your wife had orgasms from PIV in the past? Was that the only way she could ever have an orgasm?
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