DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Can't orgasm, pain during intercourse, etc.
Pallando
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DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby Pallando » Thu Feb 26, 2015 10:04 am

Hi all,

We're nearing our two-year anniversary, so we are still new to all of this. Since our honeymoon, DW has been able to orgasm with the help of a vibrator. There have been times she has o'ed without a toy, but they are far less rare. She can consistently have an orgasm in about five minutes with a Magic Wand. Our standard sex position is cowgirl with the toy. For reasons I still cannot pry out of her, we have only tried OS on her three or four times ::cb ::cb ::cb .

We didn't worry about this at first, since I thought if she learned how to orgasm with a toy, she would be able to know how to orgasm from other clitoral stimulation later (similar to "cultivating" G-Spot). Two years in, and I'm wondering if that's a reasonable expectation, or if we're building a dependency on the Magic Wand.

Hope this doesn't alarm other toy users out there. I don't know if my reasoning is a valid at all or not.

EDIT: Sorry, I didn't raise a clear question: have other wives learned how to orgasm from a toy in a way that enables easier orgasms without one?

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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby Maneo » Thu Feb 26, 2015 10:44 am

It appears that it concerns you that her primary path to an O is with a vibrator? Is it also of concern to her? Is your intimacy satisfying to both of you in all other aspects?

What I am getting at is this: if your DW is satisfied with O mostly from a device and is also happy in all other aspects of your MB sharing and you are happy in all other aspects of your marital intimacy, perhaps you need not worry so much about this and go with the flow so to speak.

If, on the other hand, both of you find you are not satisfied with this situation, then you may need to work in various techniques to achieve a different result. Before putting in all that effort, consider current satisfaction levels. Is this a shared concern or only your concern for this one aspect of intimacy?


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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby Pallando » Thu Feb 26, 2015 10:47 am

It's not a problem, but a preference. The Magic Wand is bit clumsy and clinical. I would like the option of not using it.

I guess the biggest thing for me is I feel that it will impede growth in other aspects of our marriage bed. She is off and on concerned.

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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby SeekingChange » Thu Feb 26, 2015 10:56 am

Pallando wrote:EDIT: Sorry, I didn't raise a clear question: have other wives learned how to orgasm from a toy in a way that enables easier orgasms without one?

I did not learn to O from a toy, but the use of a vibrator to O has made it more difficult, and/or has taken away from, Oing in other ways.
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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby Michael » Thu Feb 26, 2015 10:56 am

My wife has a friend who has never experienced an orgasm in her life despite having regular sex with her husband for many years. The fact that your wife still wants to orgasm is fantastic, even if it means the use of a magic wand. I don't think it would be fair to tell her she can't use it anymore. Give it time. Everything will work out.

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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby Mr Adam » Thu Feb 26, 2015 12:43 pm

Pallando wrote:It's not a problem, but a preference. The Magic Wand is bit clumsy and clinical. I would like the option of not using it.

I guess the biggest thing for me is I feel that it will impede growth in other aspects of our marriage bed. She is off and on concerned.


After she has O'd a few times with Mr. magic, are you able to set it aside for your hand and/or PIV? We find that the wand gets Mrs Adam in the mood and we both take it from there. Also, do you have a small egg or lipstick size vibe? After a session of play and satisfaction with the wand, try switching to WOT or doggie with you or her holding a small vibe. You can build a better house if you have more tools in your box than just a hammer.

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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby seeking perspective » Thu Feb 26, 2015 1:40 pm

I wrote this on another thread a while back:

When I've struggled with the "oh, no, only the vibe works on me" problem, my husband and I have worked to progressively shift me from vibe to him. At first, I'll use the vibe while he also stimulates me in some way. Then, I'll start to take the vibe away at times while he continues stimulating me, and then I'll add it back in when I seem to lose my momentum. Gradually, I am able to rely more on him and less on the vibe. Over time, I get to a point where even if it is the vibe that helped me get to the edge, it's his hands or mouth that are actually pushing me over the edge. The more my mind associates my pleasurable feelings with him, the less I need the vibe.


Even when we are not using a toy, knowing that it's readily available if needed makes it easier for me to O because I'm not stressing about whether or not it will happen.
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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby Pallando » Thu Feb 26, 2015 4:48 pm

SeekingChange wrote:I did not learn to O from a toy, but the use of a vibrator to O has made it more difficult, and/or has taken away from, Oing in other ways.


This is my fear. I don't want to make it harder for her to O in the future though other means.

Michael wrote:My wife has a friend who has never experienced an orgasm in her life despite having regular sex with her husband for many years. The fact that your wife still wants to orgasm is fantastic, even if it means the use of a magic wand. I don't think it would be fair to tell her she can't use it anymore. Give it time. Everything will work out.


You must think I'm crazy. I want her to use toys sometimes, and I would never tell her she can't use them. She wouldn't listen anyway.
But yes, I realize that I'm very lucky in a number of ways. I just want to grow our MB, and one way would be to enable DW to O with and without a vibe.

Mr Adam wrote:After she has O'd a few times with Mr. magic, are you able to set it aside for your hand and/or PIV? We find that the wand gets Mrs Adam in the mood and we both take it from there. Also, do you have a small egg or lipstick size vibe? After a session of play and satisfaction with the wand, try switching to WOT or doggie with you or her holding a small vibe. You can build a better house if you have more tools in your box than just a hammer.


Unfortunately no...She has an almost male refractory period. Okay, an exaggeration, but it sounds like DW's first O for many people is part of foreplay. Definitely not so in our case. As far as different vibrators: we have several, but only ever use one. I am contemplating the Njoy Pure Wand, as maybe it will enable a bit of change. But we only use the smaller ones for travel.

seeking perspective wrote:I wrote this on another thread a while back:

When I've struggled with the "oh, no, only the vibe works on me" problem, my husband and I have worked to progressively shift me from vibe to him. At first, I'll use the vibe while he also stimulates me in some way. Then, I'll start to take the vibe away at times while he continues stimulating me, and then I'll add it back in when I seem to lose my momentum. Gradually, I am able to rely more on him and less on the vibe. Over time, I get to a point where even if it is the vibe that helped me get to the edge, it's his hands or mouth that are actually pushing me over the edge. The more my mind associates my pleasurable feelings with him, the less I need the vibe.


Even when we are not using a toy, knowing that it's readily available if needed makes it easier for me to O because I'm not stressing about whether or not it will happen.


Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'll suggest trying this to DW and see if we can get her to respond to my touch.

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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby SquarePants » Thu Feb 26, 2015 5:06 pm

seeking perspective wrote:Even when we are not using a toy, knowing that it's readily available if needed makes it easier for me to O because I'm not stressing about whether or not it will happen.

It's like that for us. After children, her hormones changed and she needed a lot more stimulation to reach orgasm. For a while, the wand was the only way she could get there. One thing nice about the wand is that she could use it while I was inside her. We both enjoyed it. Now that she's been taking bioidentical hormones for a while, things have mostly normalized, and she rarely needs it. Sometimes, we'll use it just for fun to get some additional orgasms. Back when she HAD to have the wand, I would have preferred her to just use me, but it wasn't that big of a deal. It was still fun. I reassured her that I was happy to accommodate her needs.

I'd strongly recommend revisiting the topic of oral sex. If she can get an orgasm from it, then great. If not, it's still a wonderful thing to include for fun and variety. You had mentioned that she's a single orgasm woman. Some woman are apparently wired that way, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just work out a plan to make sure that she gets her orgasm if you have yours first.

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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby SeekingChange » Thu Feb 26, 2015 5:16 pm

SquarePants wrote:You had mentioned that she's a single orgasm woman. Some woman are apparently wired that way, there's nothing wrong with that. Just work out a plan to make sure that she gets her orgasm if you have yours first.

I would suggest you ask your wife what she prefers, whether to go first or not. I am basically a one O woman and I don't like going first because things become very uncomfortable after I O and I lose all pleasure and enjoyment. I just signal to my husband when I am getting ready to O and he can usually simultaneously O, but if for some reason he O's before I do, he gets me another way.
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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby Pallando » Thu Feb 26, 2015 7:04 pm

I wouldn't say DW is single orgasm... there just has to be a good 15 minutes before more stimulation. The bigger problem though is that PIV is not near as nice for her after her first O.

Trust me, I would love to revisit OS.

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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby sd595 » Fri Mar 06, 2015 6:41 am

This is one of those things that I think relates to conditioning. If she gets conditioned to using the vibrator to O, then it will likely be harder to O via other methods. My recommendation would be to change things up as much as possible. A less aggressive vibrator might be a stepping stone to less stimulation needed. Like the others, I wouldn't advise getting rid of it and doing a sink or swim type method here. "Wife, I enjoy watching you use the vibrator to O, but I also want us to have the option of getting you to O via other techniques, so we need to be careful to not condition you to just one method. Let's try OS sometimes, let's try manual stimulation sometimes, let's play with each other and see what happens! In the end if you don't get there, we can get that vibrator out if needed!" Working together on this will be critical imho to growth.
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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby dachsiemom12 » Sun Mar 15, 2015 9:07 pm

I have never had an O with intercourse, except when I used a small bullet vibe against my clitoris. Had very good Os but DH said he could feel it against him and he was too sensitive and it hurt. Rarely do I have Os except with a vibe. Though in fact did yesterday with DH hand stimulation. I learned to O with a vibe and now desensitized from it. The wand is especially strong and maybe would help to switch to a less powerful vibrator, gradually lessening the settings. My plan. I just bought a Lelo and tried it briefly and couldn't O with even the strongest setting. I think that I will be able but just need to set aside time to concentrate. The feel is so soft and smooth also so that should help.

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Re: DW (almost) exclusively orgasms with vibrator

Postby mamame » Mon Mar 16, 2015 6:46 am

If she's never able to orgasm without a vibe- are you ok with that? She's not broken if that's the case, abd it doesn't reflect on your skills.
The flip side of that, is that she can't get lazy and go for the sure thing right off the bat.
Orgasm is only one part of the love making experience.
DH does a lot of things that aren't going to bring me to orgasm, but are important to the experience.


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