Newlywed O Help

Can't orgasm, pain during intercourse, etc.
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George B.
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Re: Newlywed O Help

Postby George B. » Mon Apr 20, 2015 4:04 am

BronClay wrote:^^^ There's some great stuff above. Thank you. I try not to compare and allow my insecurities to live, but there's a major battle going on in my mind and for my heart right now. I wish I didn't think these things at all, but it seems as if I cannot stop them. I wish, more than anything, that I could.

I admitted to my wife last night that when I was single, or even when we were in a relationship, that my greatest insecurity was myself, and now it is the ability to please her. I don't meant to be goal-oriented. The way my brain is wired I really can't stand sometimes, but it's part of the rubble that God is helping me to sift through.


this is a journey that God has you on. Let Him do his work in you and in your marriage at the same time. I'll be praying for you.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Newlywed O Help

Postby Romantic Husband » Mon Apr 20, 2015 7:06 am

BronClay wrote:I don't meant to be goal-oriented. The way my brain is wired I really can't stand sometimes...


I think that in large part that is just part of being a guy. I'm naturally that way as well. Just remember, you're new at this husband thing. You've got this. Success will come. Read my signature line.
Matthew 19:26 - With God all things are possible.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

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Re: Newlywed O Help

Postby BronClay » Mon Apr 20, 2015 7:40 am

I really can't thank you guys enough...

The amount of support on the site is confounding and beautifully overwhelming. God is good in using our little community here to heal some major areas of our hearts.

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George B.
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Re: Newlywed O Help

Postby George B. » Mon Apr 20, 2015 7:42 am

BronClay wrote:I really can't thank you guys enough...

The amount of support on the site is confounding and beautifully overwhelming. God is good in using our little community here to heal some major areas of our hearts.


you're quite welcome!
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Newlywed O Help

Postby Nvr2Late » Mon Apr 20, 2015 8:28 am

I'm very impressed and in agreement with GeorgeB's insight, and with YOUR teachability in particular, BronClay.
Remember it's early days yet for your marriage and your marriage bed. You're going to learn so much about yourself that you never suspected...marriage tends to do that :D

I'm especially happy to see that you're softening your stance on masturbating together (or allowing her to, anyway). It's just one little spicy piece of the MB that's an option. As a woman, I can tell you that when my husband gives me an O, it's far, far more intense than when I do it myself. But it takes a relatively long time. After all, he hasn't been doing it for 40+ years, right? I know exactly how to move and what feels good. In other words, I'm quite efficient at the process. Do I enjoy it as much alone, or even when we are together but I need to take over? No way Jose'. No comparison.

PLEASE do not feel intimidated by the speed with which your DW can reach O for herself. I daresay for most of us, nobody can do it like we can when it comes to simply achieving the climax. But there is SO much more to it when there are both of you involved, as SP pointed out. You're on a long journey of discovering the delights of the marriage bed. Don't let your insecurities and anxiety stifle your wonderment and delight.

I have a feeling you and your wife are going to do just fine!

ETA to clarify a point.
___________________________________________________________________________
How we handle our spouse's shortcomings reveals more about our own character than theirs. * I’ve already told you more than I know.

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Re: Newlywed O Help

Postby BronClay » Mon Apr 20, 2015 8:54 am

Thanks for the encouragement. We've actually made love 3 times in the past 2 days where she stimulated herself to an O...we even timed it up to where we go together! It's been an amazing experience--mostly for her.

I still have some insecurities and fears, but like you said, I'm trying to not allow them to rob my joy. It's an intense season of learning and finding out the ways in which I'm broken that I never knew...which is sorrowful because it's painful, but it's good because it means healing is coming!

Now we're onto the next chapter...getting her to slow down just a bit to hopefully train her body to have a slow build up--one that I can hopefully one day replicate by OS or MS.

Thank you all again! It's been so helpful, and I've shared a lot of these posts with DW and she's been very encouraged and enlightened, too.

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George B.
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Re: Newlywed O Help

Postby George B. » Mon Apr 20, 2015 11:26 pm

So impressed by your humility and teachability, BronClay. You guys are growing and learning together, and that's great. This is a journey the two of you are taking together. The great thing about marriage is that it not only can bring us great pleasure and happiness, but it can also deepen our holiness and break us in areas that we never suspected we needed to have addressed.

Feel free to keep coming back here and asking questions as you grow and learn.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Newlywed O Help

Postby mamame » Tue Apr 21, 2015 4:44 am

seeking perspective wrote: I can have an orgasm with or without my husband--but there is absolutely no comparison between a solo experience and an experience I share with my husband. His presence gives me an emotional connection and helps me feel more whole than what I can experience alone.

If he were completely unable to use any part of his body to stimulate me, I would still choose to lie in bed next to him. His very presence makes the sexual experience more profound and all-encompassing. If I am having an orgasm in his arms, that matters far more than whose hands are doing the work.

You're needed because you are part of the sexual intimacy that your wife needs in your marriage.


Read what she said over and over and over.
I need my dh to provide almost everything for the experience. I especially need to know he is enjoying it. Oh my goodness. I have too be careful about even thinking back on some of those experiences. That safe little cocoon he creates where I can be completely sexual open is incredible.

I told him that he completely ruined solo masturbation for me. There are times due to our travel schedules that dh would like me to do that for him. I can't anymore without him there. We've decided that's an ok price to pay (for now - dh may want to revisit the topic later)

You two are one flesh. This is how that becomes stronger and stronger. You are figuring out how it all works together.
It's not about you giving her an orgasm or her giving you one. It's about creating amazingness together.

Definitely continue on and draw out the process. Take turns. If she does the last 90 seconds for now - so be it.


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