How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Can't orgasm, pain during intercourse, etc.
purple10
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How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Postby purple10 » Sun Nov 01, 2015 12:53 pm

I'm feeling better about my sex life with DH. We've been married for 10months and DH is frustrated with me not having an orgasm. I keep telling him it will happen when the time is right. He shouldn't worry too much about it. But he says he feels like a failure for not giving me the gift that I always give him. I'm also curious on what it feels like. DH started to do oral sex on me, which feels really good but it doesn't feel like I'm going to orgasm. He's worried that I'll never experience an orgasm or it might take forever for him to give me one. So how long did it take you to have an orgasm or to give your wife an orgasm? Ladies what does it feel like? How do you know if you had an orgasm?

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Re: How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Postby seeking perspective » Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:14 pm

I'd been married 18 months before I experienced one.

One thing that helped me was to let go of orgasm as a goal and simply try to enjoy the sexual sensations of arousal and stimulation. It helped me relax and not feel so much like my body was failing me. Perhaps it would be good for your husband to think about it that way, too. If he is going to measure his success as a lover only by one thing, he is going to miss out on a whole lot of the journey.
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Re: How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Postby SeekingChange » Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:49 pm

Have you ever tried masturbating and giving yourself an orgasm? I was doing that way before marriage, which probably aided to orgasming during IC. I am probably not one to go off of. My actual first orgasm with my husband, was before we were married, and was from a back-rub. There's no way for me to describe it, descriptive writing is not my strong suit, but depending what area is being stimulated (clitoris, g-spot, a-spot, back ::lol ) and how, makes the orgasms vary in feeling.

If you and your husband are okay with this and agree on it, I encourage you to work with yourself and find out what feels good to you and see if you can bring yourself to an O first.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

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Re: How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Postby StrawberryBlonde » Sun Nov 01, 2015 3:45 pm

SeekingChange wrote: My actual first orgasm with my husband, was before we were married, and was from a back-rub.

I didn't know this is possible(!), but the fear of me making indecent, embarrassing noises is one reason I have never gone for a professional massage. I am going to have my DH work on this. :D

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Re: How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Postby SeekingChange » Sun Nov 01, 2015 3:57 pm

I won't go for the reason mentioned, and have to watch what chiropractors I go to. I almost had a very humiliating experience with a chiropractor.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

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Re: How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Postby C_Brown » Sun Nov 01, 2015 10:44 pm

If you start counting from the time that my DW actually starting trying to relax during foreplay and sex so she could get there, it took just under a year and half before she had an orgasm, but long before that point sex became amazingly wonderful for her and even though she didn't orgasm I knew I gave her pleasure and that helped me feel successful in bed. Focus more on the direction things are moving in rather than the finish line. If sex is going better this month than last month, keep it up and you'll get there.

Some key things for her were that in her case, using lube every time was a must, she had to deliberately resist the urge to tense up when she started feeling pleasure, and she needed to learn to reach orgasm from gentle but direct stimulation of her clitoris before she was able to achieve orgasm through intercourse. Frequent sex also helped her body to learn to respond.
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Re: How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Postby StrawberryBlonde » Mon Nov 02, 2015 4:45 am

^^^ This is all true, even so, everyone's different. We've been sexually active for decades, and I still can't O via direct clitoral stimulation. I'm one of the few that typically O's from PIV only, and it's always been that way. The key is to learn to relax, like CBrown said, and concentrate on what's good. And enjoy it all. :)
Blessings.

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Re: How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Postby C_Brown » Mon Nov 02, 2015 9:44 am

Also, I needed her to give me feedback during foreplay to direct how I was touching her. Sometimes she would put her hand on top of mind and guide it that way so I could learn what worked for her.
So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing -- Yvaine (in the movie Stardust)

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Re: How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Postby mushels » Tue Nov 03, 2015 10:57 pm

It took me nine years of marriage before I learned to orgasm. We were both young when we got married and were virgins. I had not masturbated and didn't really even understand what a woman's body could do. Finally I saw some stuff about it on the internet and got curious. I had to learn to orgasm through masturbation using a vibrator. That was the only way I could do it. It has only been a few months now but my husband now enjoys this with me. I can still only orgasm using a vibrator but he gets involved and doesn't seem to mind. The sensation is amazing and you'll feel it through your whole body. It is hard not to tense up when your body starts to climax but it important to relax and go with the feeling. You will probably feel strong "contraction" feelings but very pleasurable. Just work with your husband or alone to learn your body and enjoy the process of learning too.

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Re: How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Postby tician » Wed Nov 11, 2015 4:32 pm

C_Brown wrote:Focus more on the direction things are moving in rather than the finish line. If sex is going better this month than last month, keep it up and you'll get there.


This is very true. It took my wife about 5 years to be able to have an orgasm with a vibrator and manual stimulation from me. That's still the only way she can O with me. During that time it was frustrating for me that I couldn't make her O, but if I knew that we were making progress it helped me to relax and we could just enjoy learning and practising together. To help your husband's frustration, keep reminding him that you're enjoying sex with him and that even if you haven't O'd yet, you're really enjoying learning how! If you initiate sex with him as often as you can it will also communicate to him that he's desirable and you want to be with him.

Of course, his feelings are up to him in the end, not you, but doing and saying those things might help.
Tician, hippily married to Bician!

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Re: How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Postby FoxluvsBunny » Wed Nov 11, 2015 9:15 pm

StrawberryBlonde wrote:^^^ This is all true, even so, everyone's different. We've been sexually active for decades, and I still can't O via direct clitoral stimulation. I'm one of the few that typically O's from PIV only, and it's always been that way. The key is to learn to relax, like CBrown said, and concentrate on what's good. And enjoy it all. :)
Blessings.


yes this is me too! I only seem to orgasm from PIV (or stimulation inside of there), or clitorial stimulation plus PIV, but never just clitoral stimulation alone (so it's hard to feel really satisfied through masterbation, though it feels good, but i don't think i've brought myself to orgasm, yet my husband has given me great orgasms through piv... this is not the norm, but it's how it is for me). We played around too much before we were married, and I thought during that time that i was having frequent orgasms through clitoral stimulation (since it felt Really good and tingly and stuff), but it wasn't until he fingered me once with several fingers in a certain way that i really orgasmed and it was like WOW (where it feels indescribably amazing,whole body shaking uncontrollably, that sort of thing), which was unfortunately about 2 weeks before our wedding. I realize now, that what was happening before that was just being close but not quite there. I really think, from what I've read, that how different women get there greatly differs. Many women can only climax through clitoral stimulation, while for some it's PIV. I think the most important thing is communication on what feels good, and then letting go... you will know when you have an orgasm :) , and like people have said there are different types of orgasms.

Also, let your husband know that you are enjoying sex regardless of not orgasming yet! But also tell him, that you need him to be patient as you figure things out... having him frustrated with you isn't going to help you to relax during sex, which won't help the situation...
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Re: How long did it take you and what does it feel like

Postby Stumoo » Fri Nov 13, 2015 3:04 am

Hey Purple, I'm glad your sex life is becoming more positive. Oral sex is great, but I've never managed to get DW to orgasm by giving her oral. For some women it just won't happen certain ways. Rest assured though, you're totally correct when you say it will happen when the time is right, but the caveat is that you need to keep experimenting. How're you feeling about him using his hands on your clitoris? Are you ok with receiving clitoral stimulation during PIV? My advice from what I've read (and through playing the field... it's a very small field with only my wife in it) is that PIV while fingers stroke the clitoris is the best way to O.

If I were to predict when you'll first O... I think it'll be at a point when all is right in your relationship and you feel like you couldn't be more in love. It might be when you're spending time away together and there's no stress and you can really make time for each other. These things can really contribute to how easy it is to orgasm.


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