DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks ago

Can't orgasm, pain during intercourse, etc.
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DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks ago

Postby husbandwifepersons » Wed Jan 20, 2016 9:12 pm

Just to preface, I'm not up with all the acronyms and couldn't find a guide to them, so please pardon any breach in etiquette.

DW recently stopped O-ing. We got married a few months ago, and things were great. No sexual past for either of us--sheltered the both of us, and we're both under 25. So things were going great for a few months, she had orgasms manually, orally, and PIV. Then a few weeks ago for seemingly no reason, she stopped and hasn't been able to since.

We've tried several things like mixing up the routine and trying different ways, but she's not starting to lose hope, and we're not sure what to do.

Any advice or perspective you can offer will be much appreciated. Thanks!

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Re: DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks a

Postby SeekingChange » Wed Jan 20, 2016 9:17 pm

Any changes in life? Any new stresses? What has been your frequency the past few weeks?
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Re: DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks a

Postby Vanna » Wed Jan 20, 2016 9:20 pm

No new meds or birth control?
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Re: DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks a

Postby happilymarriedkate » Wed Jan 20, 2016 11:13 pm

Something very similar happened to me at month 3. I had a terrible- the worst I had ever had- yeast infection. I am not sure why, but I had major difficulty o'ing for a few months after. Has she had any yeast or UTI infections?
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Re: DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks a

Postby ledgemoor » Thu Jan 21, 2016 4:50 am

Vanna wrote:No new meds or birth control?

Or the same - old birth control. They've only been married a few months. In our experience, loss of libido and response from the pill took a while. But it wasn't that sudden or that severe.

Of course everyone is different, and the formulation has no doubt changed.
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Re: DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks a

Postby FoxluvsBunny » Thu Jan 21, 2016 5:13 am

Another thought... if not birth control, her cycle? I have time in my cycle that i can't really orgasm and have no desire or need (yet that probably would have happened other months too). Maybe it's just where she is and things will pick back up again soon?
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Re: DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks a

Postby txtwindad » Thu Jan 21, 2016 5:17 am

Welcome to marriage. This kind of thing has happened several times in our marriage. What are you trying to bring her to orgasm? You don't have to be graphic, but the basic type of things you are doing. I always found that during periods like this I could still be successful, but it might take me 40 minutes or more of trying different things and letting her recover between attempts.
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Re: DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks a

Postby husbandwifepersons » Thu Jan 21, 2016 5:19 am

She's been on the same birth control since June/July. And it started while we were visiting my family so there's that... We just started the new school semester, and she was pretty stressed for a little while at the beginning of this, but other than the lack of O, everything's back to normal now. Oh, and she can still MB--it's just me that can't help. She says that she gets too inside of her own head and starts thinking about it and starts thinking about her own responses to what I do. She starts to worry about the sincerity of all of it--she's a very cerebral person.

What do you all recommend? Should we go to a doctor or see about a new birth control?
txtwindad wrote:What are you trying to bring her to orgasm?

We try manual, oral, and PIV. Once we went as long as an hour trying--other times it's usually only about 20-30 minutes. We try to shake things up too--trying different positions or locations. There's a lot of kissing and contact all over the body.

Also, thanks for all of the help so far. Thanks everyone!

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Re: DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks a

Postby MayDayGirl » Thu Jan 21, 2016 11:29 am

I don't think it's that unusual for a woman to have troubles with orgasm for periods of time, especially when under stress. Holidays, family visits, start of semester = stress. Unfortunately, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy once it starts. You get it in your head that you are going to have trouble with getting an O . . . And then you do have trouble. I totally get what she means about worrying about her own responses.

One thing that has helped me is that when I've gotten into that sort of cycle, my DH will be totally low-key about it, but also positive. He will say things like, "No hurry. We have all night. Take your time." For me, it also helps to change things up a bit and have him say new things during and touch me in different places than he usually does.

Hope that helps. I know it can be frustrating.

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Re: DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks a

Postby Vanna » Thu Jan 21, 2016 5:09 pm

What does she mean by the sincerity of it? Orgasm for ladies often has a large mental component, so if she isn't letting go and getting her mind totally into the experience, it really can be glitchy. Crazy thoughts or worries can sabotage the whole thing, and the longer it takes to get there, the more the mental junk mail gets in the way.
After 28 years and six kids, through the good and bad, by the grace of God, things keep getting better and better. ::wed

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Re: DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks a

Postby husbandwifepersons » Mon Feb 01, 2016 7:58 pm

Sorry for the late reply. We thought she was over it, and I was waiting to see before giving more info.

My DW feels a lot of pressure that she look like she's enjoying sex as much as she thinks I want her to. So sometimes when we can see each other and are doing missionary, she gets intimidated that I watch her face. She wants to not have to pretend like she's enjoying it.

A few nights ago, we did it in several different ways in the dark, and she almost O'd. But since then it hasn't happened despite some creativity on our parts.

I wonder if some of this is my fault for being too obvious about wanting her to have a good time. She really doesn't like to disappoint people.

Thanks everyone for your help.

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Re: DW having trouble with O; things were fine three weeks a

Postby Vanna » Mon Feb 01, 2016 10:04 pm

She needs to take a deep breath and close her eyes and not think about you, just focus on the sensations and even get her hands down there and feel the action- whatever will get her mind into the experience and out of analysis of you and herself. Women's minds will sabotage their fun in a million ways, we have to learn to shut it down and redirect. Orgasm is rather mental for most gals.

It might also be good for you guys to spend some time together simply exploring and enjoying each other with the pressure of orgasm off the table- just having fun, relaxing, and learning to let your guards down without expectations.
After 28 years and six kids, through the good and bad, by the grace of God, things keep getting better and better. ::wed


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