Recent difficulty with orgasm

Can't orgasm, pain during intercourse, etc.
Wife2 21
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Recent difficulty with orgasm

Postby Wife2 21 » Thu Sep 29, 2016 10:40 am

Hi all. This is my first post on here. I discovered this site last spring and had a bit of an awakening and realized I have been a gate keeper and refuser in our marriage. We have been married 20 years this winter so there is a lot of history there.

Most of our marriage I have been able to O via piv. I actually didn't know that was unusual until a friend mentioned it a year or two ago. It has been the primary way for me. Rarely have I o'd from manual stimulation from hubby and never oral. We decided to try a vibe this summer to help out when I was having a hard time getting there and we were short on time ( 4 kiddos ages 13-4 and homeschooling). I was able to o the first time we used it but after that I had a hard time and could rarely I from our usual methods. Now I can't remember the last time I o'd when we have been together. Hubby is out of town and we had discussed me trying to figure out what works on my own so I could guide him. I tried that and couldn't get there. I finally got the vibe out to finish bc I was so frustrated after so many unfulfilling encounters. I was able to o with the vibe but don't want that to be our go to bc it is unreliable and I'm not sure why what has worked for years all of a sudden doesn't. This may be tmi but I would appreciate some input on what could be going on.

BTW life has been stressful but that is not an uncommon occurrence. In fact this summer when I first realized my unhealthy patterns regarding sex we set some records during a very stressful season.

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SeekingChange
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Re: Recent difficulty with orgasm

Postby SeekingChange » Thu Sep 29, 2016 11:13 pm

Is your mind staying engaged as normal?

My thoughts are stress or hormonal changes.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

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Wife2 21
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Re: Recent difficulty with orgasm

Postby Wife2 21 » Fri Sep 30, 2016 5:13 am

I have wondered about hormones. I am 43 and noticing changes in my cycle which used to be like clock work. My doctor says the changes are normal for my age but not peri menopause. I am on lexapro but have been for a few years. I do think part of it is mental because I start stressing about not being able to get there and feel bad for taking so long when we both need sleep. I'm just not sure how to overcome the mental aspect.

Is there any chance the vibe is an issue?

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SeekingChange
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Re: Recent difficulty with orgasm

Postby SeekingChange » Fri Sep 30, 2016 7:20 am

The Lexapro could be adding to it, if not the cause as well.

Are you able to O every time with the vibe? That was a little unclear to me, it sounded like you have O'd with it some, but you weren't Oing at all.

I personally think the body can be trained. I don't know if it will fully take away your ability to O in other ways, but it is a lot harder to do it, from my own experience. I sound very similar to your story. A vibe has made me lazy in a way. It makes things much quicker and I don't have to concentrate near as much.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

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Wife2 21
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Re: Recent difficulty with orgasm

Postby Wife2 21 » Fri Sep 30, 2016 6:14 pm

Sometimes I can with the vibe. I really have avoided using it since the end of July bc both do and I thought it may be desensitizing. I finally tried it again the other night bc of frustration and wondering if I would be able to get there at all. This really has not been a problem for me in the past. I have had low drive but usually do fine once things get going. I didn't originally suspect the lexapro as the cause bc I've been on it for 3 years without problem other than when I first started the mess and once when I increased the dose.

I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

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Re: Recent difficulty with orgasm

Postby SeekingChange » Fri Sep 30, 2016 6:30 pm

Instead of worrying, and even striving for an O, just relax, enjoy the sensations and the time and connection with your husband. Maybe if you do that, you'll find yourself back with the ability to O.

I still wouldn't be surprised if hormones are at play, and so every day could be different for you... one day things could work and the next you feel nothing. I haven't hit the peri menopausal stage so I can't speak from experience in that.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

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Re: Recent difficulty with orgasm

Postby kupplekansas » Sat Oct 01, 2016 1:55 am

Wife2 21 wrote: I am on lexapro but have been for a few years.

Is there any chance the vibe is an issue?


Webmd says of Lexapro "Tell your doctor right away if you have any serious side effects, including: decreased interest in sex, " . If Lexapro does not affect you sexually, you would one of the few that it does not as most SSRI's do. There are a couple of meds that don't affect O, ask your doc about them.
As for the vib - we have found they vary from brand to brand as to how intense they are, the intensity, and frequency of vibrations per minute. One brand might work well for one women, a different one for another. Have fun figuring it all out :wink: Also, you use the word "vib" - since you have Oed from PIV mostly, then perhaps a rabbit type vib would work for you.
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Re: Recent difficulty with orgasm

Postby ledgemoor » Sat Oct 01, 2016 8:30 am

Hormones indeed can affect libido and practically anything. DW lost her ovaries, and libido and ability to O along with them.
Check this out:
http://procompounding.com/wp-content/up ... KEY-je.pdf
She went on bioidential Hormone Replacement Therapy, which solved that and other problems.

DW especially had trouble getting over the edge. She needed more estrogen and oxytocin. Something simple you could try: Have your husband suck your nipples. It releases oxytoxin. DW has a prescription for oxytoxin nasal spray to help her O, but we both prefer the nipple method :lol:.

But I would start with the elephant in the room. Could you stop taking the the Lexapro temporarily and see what happens?
https://www.drugs.com/sfx/lexapro-side-effects.html
Look under Minor Side Effects, More Common: "loss in sexual ability, desire, drive, or performance". And a minor side effect? Really, folks. The effect may not be immediate. It took DW a couple years before she had to go off of BCP because of sexual issues.

I recommend seeing a good bioidentical hormone replacement/life extension doctor. As you can see from the chart, hormones can cause depression. DW and I have both had depression. DW's oncologist wanted to put her on some anti-depressant for the rest of her life. She refused. Fortunately, when she went on bHRT, the depression went away. (Same for me. A little testosterone, and I was a new man :-) ) go to http://www.a4m.com and click on Directory. The doctor can monitor you thru perimenopause too. A good one won't try to eliminate all the symptoms -- it is a natural thing. But he can monitor your hormone levels, and minimize your chance of getting uterine cancer by adding progesterone if it is called for.

The Satisfyer Pro seems to be the best vibe. DW likes it best of the several we've tried. She won't try to O from it--just uses it to get her going--and it works great for that.
viewtopic.php?f=99&t=67067.

SeekingChange wrote:Instead of worrying, and even striving for an O, just relax, enjoy the sensations and the time and connection with your husband. Maybe if you do that, you'll find yourself back with the ability to O.
Good advice. DW will start fretting "I don't know if I can have one or not". I say "Ok, maybe you will or maybe you won't. Don't worry about it. Just enjoy me enjoying you, and if you don't have one this time, consider it getting you ready for tomorrow night." Usually she has one, sometimes real mind-blowers!

SeekingChange wrote:I don't know if it will fully take away your ability to O in other ways, but it is a lot harder to do it, from my own experience. I sound very similar to your story. A vibe has made me lazy in a way. It makes things much quicker and I don't have to concentrate near as much.

I have been encouraging her to try to O from it. Maybe I should let well enough alone. What do you think?
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)


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