Not sure how to talk to husband about this...

Can't orgasm, pain during intercourse, etc.
doug-h
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Re: Not sure how to talk to husband about this...

Postby doug-h » Tue Oct 24, 2017 11:06 am

Jem,

I'm really praying that all goes well for you. It is exactly where I have been for months, and none of the ways I tried to handle it worked very well.

Things came to a head this week, and while it wasn't a deliberate process, I pretty much laid out my feelings in much the same way that SP is describing. It really did allow us each to get thru things fairly smoothly. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't painless, but we worked thru it.

As for writing as a way of processing, yeah, I have found that to be very good for me. I will start writing with one thought on my mind, but my writing ends up somewhere else entirely.

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Re: Not sure how to talk to husband about this...

Postby JEM0121 » Tue Oct 24, 2017 11:20 am

Yes, sometimes the unplanned talks are the most healing. Back at the very beginning of 2017 we had a very emotional talk that ended up being 4 hours of talking, crying, spilling our hearts. It was the tipping point for me DESIRING to be intimate again. I think maybe the drive was there a few months even before that but because I was carrying some really deep hurt from some things that he said during my "dark period"----I kept myself at an emotionally 'safe' distance.

I sent the email to him a little while ago after reading and re-reading it a 1000X. I sent a text asking him to check his email when he had a few minutes free at work. I pray he's open to understanding how I'm feeling about this and wanting to grow CLOSER not farther apart.

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Re: Not sure how to talk to husband about this...

Postby JEM0121 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 8:19 am

We had a pretty good talk last night. The "time" he had for me/us was a big focus. He commented that it wasn't his fault we went to bed late the other night since his phone was ringing or he was getting texts that was out of his control. I did ask him "What would have been the worst that would have happened if you called or responded to them in the morning?"" And he did say "You're right, I'm sorry. I should have done that"

He told me he doesn't mean for it to sound like he doesn't want to take time--and I explained that it's just how it FEELS afterward. Sometimes if its a quickie and I know I won't O, that's one thing, but when we should be able to take time for both of us, it makes me feel unimportant to be 'left behind'.

He did say Friday night after he got home we would have an "us" evening even if it was just appetizers or dessert somewhere and sitting and talking.

And we did ML last night. He was ready to go to bed early. He had the house locked up and the dog in his kennel and his work clothes picked out before the "usual" time. :D And I did tell him that I want this to be a continuous learning process for us. What worked once may not always work the same, but we should be able to figure out what works TOGETHER.

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Re: Not sure how to talk to husband about this...

Postby seeking perspective » Wed Oct 25, 2017 8:27 am

I'm so glad for the encouraging update!
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
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JEM0121
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Re: Not sure how to talk to husband about this...

Postby JEM0121 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 9:04 am

Oh, and another observation I had this morning was something Doug-h had brought up above. Was I feeling more depressed and that was making this issue between DH and I worse? I noticed this morning I feel so much more at ease. Less stressed overall. I was starting to wonder if my testosterone pellet was worn off (last implant was beginning of June). But other things I’ve been stressed about -money (-lots of out of the ordinary expenses the last two months) , seemed easier to deal with this morning. So I think this issue between DH and me was really wearing on me.

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Re: Not sure how to talk to husband about this...

Postby OldMarriedLady » Wed Oct 25, 2017 9:38 am

I don't think pellets are the best way to get your testosterone. My doctor prescribed a compounded testosterone cream that I rub into my forearms daily, which gives a much more steady and consistent amount of testosterone from day to day. With pellets you get an initial boost when they're first implanted, and then a slow decline over the months as they wear off.
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
(From the 1987 movie "Moonstruck", written by John Patrick Shanley)

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Re: RE: Re: Not sure how to talk to husband about this...

Postby ledgemoor » Wed Oct 25, 2017 9:59 am

DW uses cream too. Not just testosterone but b u estrogen and progesterone too.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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Re: Not sure how to talk to husband about this...

Postby OldMarriedLady » Wed Oct 25, 2017 10:06 am

Yes, I also use all three.
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
(From the 1987 movie "Moonstruck", written by John Patrick Shanley)

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Re: Not sure how to talk to husband about this...

Postby JEM0121 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 12:01 pm

Actually the pellets have worked wonderfully for me. We talked about the cream and I really wasn't interested in having to remember to put it on daily. (I take other medication, plus do B12 shots, it was just one more thing I would have to remember :D ) And from what I understand the consistent level will depend on how well you absorb the cream, as well as other factors like sweating it off, washing if off from swimming or something, etc....

Actually until the pellets truly wear off, I haven't noticed a decline at all in how I feel and so far I've gotten 5 months after each implant. Now when they wear off, it takes me about 3-4 days to know FOR SURE. :shock: :D


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