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Changes in ability to have orgasms

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2018 6:59 pm
by hsl
My husband and I have been married for almost 27 years and sex has always been a big part of our relationship. Honestly, sometimes to the point of it causing sin in our lives. We hit a wall in July and knew either things had to change and we needed to turn to God or we were going to end up in divorce. Thankfully we both turned to God and turned our marriage over to Him as well. Alot has changed since this past summer. With God's help all of the sinful behavior is gone. Praise the Lord!!! Plus I'm totally not stressing over if we have sex, how much sex we have, what it means if we do or don't mess around....all of it is basically over. It feels so much healthier now. My hubby is totally in control of our sex lives and it has been fantastic. So, so, so much better than ever before. Sometimes we have tons of sex and other times we miss a few days because of circumstances. The great thing is that it literally means nothing to me other than just missing it because it's fun. No more big huge emotional aspects any longer. Praise the Lord!

Here's the question part though. In the last two months it has been a lot harder for me to have orgasms. I've always had multiple orgasms every time we do anything but a lot of times now I'm lucky if I do once. I know for some women even having one is a rarity but for me this is a big change. Honestly, though, I don't mind it that much. Everything we do still feels amazingly good. I feel so much more satisfied now than ever before. In my mind, because of all the changes both in the bedroom and just in our relationship in general, I am so much happier now. I'm assuming the change is because of hormones and perimenopause. There has been a lot of other changes with my body & emotions over the last two months as well. I'm sure the sex stuff is just that too.

The thing is that he's always said that he loved how much and how easily I can have orgasms. I don't want him to feel bad. When it first started I sorta just pretended that I was still having multiple ones. I thought it would just clear itself up. Now, though, I'm thinking this is how its going to be for awhile. I'm completely fine with it. The sex is still great for me. But I don't know what to do about him. Do I keep pretending? It feels like I"m being dishonest. Or do I tell him? And if I am honest with him do I tell him I've been pretending sometimes over the last couple months? Or do I just say this is something new? I really don't know the best way to go about this. I don't want it to be a bigger deal than it is.

Re: Changes in ability to have orgasms

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:52 pm
by Leah
Talk to your doctor about physical therapy for pelvic strength. It made all the difference for me.

Re: Changes in ability to have orgasms

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2018 8:57 pm
by jude700
Be honest with your husband and give him your all.

You both have come through a period of trial and now may have a long period of recovery.

Will be praying for you.

Re: Changes in ability to have orgasms

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 7:34 am
by SeekingChange
I agree. Don't lie or pretend, and be honest. Hopefully he realizes women's bodies change and hormones have a huge impact on our body and how they respond sexually.

Another thought that came.... if you have made a lot of changes, moving away from sinful things, you also might be needing to just learn your new normal of stimulation. I kind of think of it as a response to drugs. The stronger the drug you are use to, the less effect the lighter stuff will have. Once you are "detoxed" from the high and effects the sinful stuff provided, your body and mind will adjust, and the "lighter" stuff might start giving you the reactions you are use to.