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One of the things that has truly amazed me over my life is how private most - and I'd put that in a very high percentile range - people are about their sex lives.
Those braggarts that do blather on about it, say in the gym locker room, I've written off to wishful thinking. Those that are doing it aren't talking about it.
As a 2nd hand csa survivor, I wish I had a close friend, or a men’s group of other 2nd hand survivors to be able to share struggles with, in a respectful manner of course. I’m blessed to say the season we currently in is one of healing and great sex, but in our darkest times it was chaotic. I was depressed and didn’t have money for therapy. My wife said I often walked around looking grey. Her night terrors were constant, and waking up and holding her as she cried often left me depleted not having an outlet. Not being able to caress or kiss her without her feeling triggered felt unbearable at times. There were periods where I would have to physically wash her because she would go without for days... she would lash out and fight back out of rage that was displaced towards me. This went on for years...I have NOOOO IDEA how we made it through those storms, but our life today is a complete 360, and I can only attribute that to the lord. I know it wasn’t my own strength.
Looking back at it all, I wish I had someone I could’ve talked to in my darkest hour.
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