JD91 wrote:If I ever lust after a woman, I get aroused by the thought of her but not really by the specific thought of having IC with her.
This is not abnormal, either. PIV is more the "fulfillment" phase of the "contract". The arousal comes through visual and the sense that the woman wants you. I don't think you're getting half of the equation because your wife also has hangups.
Focus less on the past. Train your energy upon the present and the future. I love old southern-gospel songs....one of my favorites is "... I lost my past, when I found His presence...."
A good psychiatrist told me when I was a young man (BTW, he was Jewish) that I should think of my penis as a "trust meter". It doesn't necessarily mean trusting your wife. It can be trust that other aspects of your life may change in ways that you don't want them to. It can be that in some cases, the "little head" is smarter than the "big head".
Fear of pregnancy is a BIG factor. I wouldn't rule that out as a contributor. Other people disagree with me that this may have a contributing physical factor. That is ok, because the bible says "...in a multitude of counselors, there is safety....".
Go to your specialist with an open mind. The things you have been told here are of great value, but they come from people who do not have clinical experience treating ED. Me included.
JD91 wrote:until he told me to "imagine the face of Jesus smiling."
Ah, the curse of christianity..... we just can't admit that we DON'T KNOW and that somehow, the bible has to have EVERY answer. But, the bible is a SPIRITUAL book which has SPIRITUAL answers. Therefore, a "christian" counselor is going to attempt to deliver a biblical solution. And, oftentimes, it is a biblical solution which is required.
Your situation has no biblical solution. You have obeyed God in your marriage, your wife also. It is not biblical help that you need. You need help from someone who understands sexual problems at a clinical level. Since none of this understanding is in the bible, then it has no importance whether you seek help from a "christian" counselor, and in a certain sense, the "wackier", the better, because that would be an individual who has disciplined him/herself into cause and effect of sexual misfortune.
It may just be a "whack-job" who God has placed in your path to help you. God is able to keep you in rejection of things which are against His will.
Go to the person who KNOWS HOW.
And, also..... WWJD? If Jesus were a therapist, would he list on His website that He deals with transgender issues? Wouldn't Jesus' MO be to show
acceptance of his patient just as he is? And, make him feel as if he found empathy, concern, and willingness to help?
Frequently, over my life, I have found that people who don't wear christianity on their sleeves or advertise "honk, if you love Jesus" are some of those who are deadly serious about following His example. And, some who don't quote "chapter and verse" are those who have both read and understood them and made them a solid part of their hearts and lives.
I am so blessed to have a Dad who was like this. No phylacteries. But a deep, abiding sense of working with God and allowing God to work through him.