Making Love over 50: What Do I Do?

Erectile disfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed orgasm, etc.

Making Love over 50: What Do I Do?

Postby AkMike » Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:03 am

Okay, so here's the deal: I'm in my mid-50s, I've got ED (I can get big for a little while but not hard enough for PIV), BUT I"m HD and love all the aspects of married sex. I'm deeply in love with my wife, who is understandably disappointed that I can't enter her like I used to. But I'm willing to try almost anything to please her, and I'm sure we can work around this to make sure she's satisfied. I love to give her pleasure and bond with her in the marriage bed. And yes, I've been checked out and there doesn't seem to be any blockage or diabetes causing the ED.
I"ve seen a book on Amazon that I'd really like to get called "All Night Long: Making Love to a Man Over 50", by sex therapist Barbara Keesling. The book's got great reviews, and having previewed some of it online, it seems like something I'd really like to try. Plus, the fact that it has specific exercises dealing with ED is also a boon for me. But--and in my mind it's a big "but"--according to her short bio, Keesling has appeared in an "erotic" spread in Playboy magazine. Now, I believe in getting relevant knowledge from secular sources, and I'm not a prude, but as a follower of Christ, I have grave reservations about getting sex teaching from a woman who's done that. I think, "Well, Playboy is designed specifically to get men to lust. How can I purchase a product--in the line of sex--from someone whose personal philosophy is over-the-top immoral? Would Jesus approve? Or should I look elsewhere? If Keesling had written a book about carpentry or mathematics, or any other secular thing besides sex, I wouldn't have a problem buying the book.
While I know the book will be used specifically for my own marriage, I still don't feel quite right about it. Something from the Penners, like "The GIft of Sex", would certainly be acceptable, but I wanted something specifically targeting men my age, and with my problem.
bottom line is I really want Keesling's book, but not if it's contrary to biblical conduct. I need some guidance here.
Thoughts?
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Re: Making Love over 50: What Do I Do?

Postby alaska bob » Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:34 am

don't get the issue of playboy with her in it, but I have no problem getting non-moral advice from someone that has bad morals. In other words, I don't think her choice to appear in playboy necessarily means her advice on something else wouldn't be good for you. Provided she isn't advocating doing anything immoral, of course.

If I needed advice on my car, and the most knowledgable person I knew on cars had also paid his way through school as a gigalo, I'd feel free to get his car advice, but wouldn't get advice on morality from him.
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Re: Making Love over 50: What Do I Do?

Postby Oklahoma » Wed Sep 01, 2010 1:22 pm

As a DH well over 50.... my two cents.........

I agree with Alaska Bob, with a note.... If I didn't buy a book, or see a movie, because the author or an actor had differing opinions than my own, I wouldn't be reading any books, or watching any movies. That being said, there are some people that I refuse to buy their books or watch their movies, because they so promote their opinions and beliefs, which I find so opposite of mine and scripture, that I in no way want to support this person(s). It would be a long list let me tell ya......

I took a look at Amazon, at the book you're talking about....and I might buy a copy. Seems interesting, and with only a little research at this point, I don't see the author really promoting a lot of things I don't believe in. Yes.... there are a few, but not so bad (to me) so far lookin', that I wouldn't buy her book. I really think you need to research the author, and make that decision yourself.

I would be curious, as to if you have looked into things like Viagra etc? Maybe that would help?
My problem at this point isn't getting an erection, although it sure takes longer than years past, and may become a problem some time later. My problem has always been trying to last long enough for my DW to orgasm before me. (this won't take long did it) To compensate, I've worked on other skills to please her, and not quit after my orgasm, so she can O too. Doing so, has brought on multiple O's, and for both of us, when we ML. Lots of things you can do....oral (her fav), manual, toys....just read the boards. You should talk to you're DW and see what things she wants, that may be exciting to her. Go for 'em....see what happens....
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Re: Making Love over 50: What Do I Do?

Postby AkMike » Sat Sep 04, 2010 7:53 am

Thanks, guys. Appreciate the input.
Oklahoma, I haven't gone for Viagra or any of the others because I've got occasional heart arrhythmia, and stimulants are not a good idea. My personal philosophy is that the penis is only part of the entire lovemaking scenario. ED is not the devastating thing I'd thought it would be.I I don't like it, I miss getting real hard, but I've always tried to develop my skills in other areas of LM. I like all I"ve tried :D and I'm continually trying to expand my repertoire.
Anyway, I'm still deciding on the book.
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Re: Making Love over 50: What Do I Do?

Postby Oklahoma » Sat Sep 04, 2010 9:20 am

Ah AkM....I understand about the stimulants.

I don't think my DW thinks that my penis is my most important part for ML.....I think she considers my tounge #1 on the list. :lol:

Not being 21 anymore, there have been times after I have orgasmed more than a couple of times, that I couldn't get hard enough again for another round of PIV, but I still had another orgasm, by hand or vibrator. Nothing wrong with that I don't think. (Getting old ain't for sissys.)

I agree....we keep adding to the repertoire as well....a big reason we are here on the boards.
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Re: Making Love over 50: What Do I Do?

Postby James186282 » Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:10 am

I would talk to the doctor about what is "safe" for you to use. You should be getting a complete physical and have a doctor who has that info on hand along with your heart history etc. Some ED drugs are not good for men with heart issues. I was told "No Cialis" because it precludes Nitrates for too long.

Look at other ways to deal with ED.

VEDs (Vacuum erection Devices)

Muse / Actis

Trimix (Other injections)

Penile Implant surgery.

There are so many options! Explore them all.

In the meantime talk to her about what you can do in the meantime. Plan B! Oral, mutual masturbation, you can even ponder things like vibrators, penile sheaths, other sex "toys" (Hate that term)
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Re: Making Love over 50: What Do I Do?

Postby AkMike » Mon Sep 13, 2010 4:52 pm

Thanks, James. Already considering "toys" Yeah, I hate the term, too. I think "marital aids" is a better way to reference them. What exactly is a penis sheath?
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Re: Making Love over 50: What Do I Do?

Postby James186282 » Tue Sep 14, 2010 8:45 am

Without getting too gross... A penile sheath is a penile prosthesis (Dildo) that fits over the penis so if your not able to get or stay erect you can still perform intercourse. Its a bit difficult for the man to climax (but not impossible)

Anyway, before we found a solution that worked for us we found that to be a good solution. A strapon harness can do the same thing btw. There is a good paper floating around on the internet written by a Canadian Professor (With ED and dealing with prostate cancer) who says (In short) this is an alternative that might help couples cope with this and doctors might want to suggest it.

Its not for everyone but its worth talking about. If nothing else the performance anxiety is totally gone.
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Re: Making Love over 50: What Do I Do?

Postby AkMike » Tue Sep 14, 2010 9:06 am

Thanks, James.
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Re: Making Love over 50: What Do I Do?

Postby James186282 » Tue Sep 14, 2010 5:51 pm

No problem. I hope its of value and sorry if its too TMI or too far off the radar.
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