UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Erectile disfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed orgasm, etc.
ledgemoor
Under the stars
Posts: 3074
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 7:31 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 3rd, 1982
Gender: Male

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Jan 07, 2018 9:24 am

Hoosier52 wrote:If he brought up going to Defy, I would suggest that you DO open your mouth. Encourage him to follow through.
Great advice. Strike while the iron is hot.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

Hoosier52
King bed
Posts: 365
Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2008 7:19 pm

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby Hoosier52 » Sun Jan 07, 2018 1:41 pm

ophelia wrote:So it sounds like Defy is the latest and greatest. Do they accept insurance?


No. They do not. However, some have figured out ways to get their insurance to pay for it. The best place to check on Defy and read about those who have gotten insurance coverage in on the ExcelMale website. I am on Medicare and they won't cover, but my supplemental prescription insurance may pay for my Testosterone. I've got to check and see.

Defy has 11,000 patients. There is a reason why.

User avatar
SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 5307
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby SeekingChange » Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:31 pm

I asked him today when his plan is to make the call. He said he's planning to call this week and to get the tests and stuff on the calendar.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

Hoosier52
King bed
Posts: 365
Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2008 7:19 pm

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby Hoosier52 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 5:09 pm

This is great news. it would be nice if he could do his first consult with Dr. Saya. Very knowlegable, explains everything and answers all your questions. You may want to do a conference call so you can be involved in his treatment. After I had my first consult I had a huge feeling of relief - Finally, a Dr. who knew what he was doing. Good luck!

User avatar
SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 5307
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby SeekingChange » Mon Jan 08, 2018 5:11 pm

He said he wanted me to be a part of it.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

Hoosier52
King bed
Posts: 365
Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2008 7:19 pm

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby Hoosier52 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 8:47 pm

SeekingChange wrote:He said he wanted me to be a part of it.


Great.

doug-h
Fell out of ...
Posts: 1386
Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2015 5:11 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 20th, 1982
Gender: Male

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby doug-h » Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:10 pm

SeekingChange wrote:I asked him today when his plan is to make the call. He said he's planning to call this week and to get the tests and stuff on the calendar.


Glad things are moving forward.

User avatar
SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 5307
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby SeekingChange » Tue Jan 09, 2018 7:37 am

Last night, my husband admitted he had kind of been in denial about his sex drive these past couple of years.. He's a very motivated person, and so he had the heart of knowing what our marriage needs, so he would make himself initiate or accept initiation even when he didn't feel like it....none of that was a surprise to me. Our frequency dropped in half or more, to 3-4x a week. Some months twice a week average. It is good to hear him admit he recognizes he hasn't taken care of me sexually, and to hear a regret and determination to get better so he can enjoy and take care of "the woman he had always dreamed of". Ah, the irony of things.

His number one reason isn't sex though, it's the mental effects for work, then sex, then muscle building. I think the guys at the gym have actually had the biggest influence on him changing his thinking on this. Hey, whatever God wants to use, I am good with!
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

User avatar
SteveS
Twin size
Posts: 42
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2016 12:11 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): June 21st, 1997
Gender: Male

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby SteveS » Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:00 am

Last night, my husband admitted he had kind of been in denial about his sex drive these past couple of years..


Answer to Prayer!!

User avatar
tentsofpurple
King bed
Posts: 631
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2012 11:11 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): December 4th, 2004
Gender: Female

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby tentsofpurple » Tue Jan 09, 2018 4:22 pm

SeekingChange wrote: Ah, the irony of things.


Reminds me a bit of our story. For the first 4 years of our marriage dh was on what I'd call a starvation diet, I blame a combination of bad/no teaching on sex (nothing beyond don't do it until you are married) and hormonal birth control. I had no desire for sex and I was selfish, I chose not to see how much it was effecting my husband despite many conversations (lets be real, fights). At one point he called me a "sex camel" which thankfully we can laugh at now but at the time was pretty hurtful. Thankfully God used the fact that hormonal birth control made me physically sick (I was literally throwing up once a month when I went from the placebo pills to the real ones) to make me do some research and as part of that I stumbled on TMB and read more about how it can kill your drive and some of the stories of how painful it was for husbands (or anyone for that matter) to be refused. I also discovered that birth control has a secondary mechanism of preventing implantation was enough for dh and I to decide to ditch it. I became pregnant with our first child shortly after that and for the next 5 years was either pregnant or nursing. I had rough pregnancies but I was surprised to discover in between my pregnancies how much I actually enjoyed sex.

After I weaned my third child I suddenly felt insatiable. Ironically this was right around the time dh's drive started to take a nose dive. He was depressed and described feeling like he was "under water" he was anxious his heart would race, tired all the time, no desire for hobbies or any of the things he used to enjoy, even had some erection quality issues. He went from "every day would be great" to maybe once or twice a week of quickies. Cue the fighting again. At one point he tole me that we should "save your orgasms for the weekend or times when I'm not too tired" which crushed me. I knew this wasn't my husband, he used to want sex all the time and care more for my pleasure than his. Also I felt deeply guilty because I finally understood what I'd put him through years ago. It seemed like a cruel joke that I would develop increased desire just as his vanished. Thankfully again God again used TMB. When I came here distraught, I read about testosterone and how the lack of it can effect men. The symptoms matched his exactly, I felt like I was reading a checklist and checking off every symptom.

Unfortunately it was an uphill battle to find a doctor who agreed that his levels of 340 were low and treat him (his pcp tried treating him for depression and suggested that maybe he wasn't attracted to me, one endocrinologist said that because he had a five o'clock shadow he "seemed pretty manly to her" and we had one hokey holistic doctor try to sell us hundreds of dollars in vitamins and supplements). I was like a dog with a bone though (unfortunately not always very gracious), I knew that if we could find a doctor who would treat him it would help him and I kept pushing him to keep trying. At the time I know he resented it but he now tells me he is so thankful I didn't give up. After two weeks of treatment he said he didn't realize until he felt better how bad it truly was.

He's been on testosterone injections for going on 4 years (he stopped for about a year so we could conceive our 4th child) and while things are not perfect they are so much better. In some ways I'm glad we went through it because I have a much deeper understanding of how he felt when I was refusing him and while I still have what I'd consider a high drive (a reactive high drive but that's another thread) I am resolved that even if that changes I would never put him through that crushing feeling again.

User avatar
SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 5307
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby SeekingChange » Tue Jan 09, 2018 4:48 pm

Thanks tentsofpurple. I know I will never go back to the woman I was, or any form of her. I don't care what is going on with me physically. One good thing that came out of these past two years (speaking beyond his low T, right to a LOT of neglect), as Christ Himself did, I learned obedience through suffering. It's easy to be loving, generous and to serve and submit when you are loved well. The testing of true conviction and true change comes when you aren't and how you respond to that.

Another update, he called this afternoon and had it on speaker with me beside him. He got the orders for lab work, now he has to set up a physical and fill out some paperwork.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

User avatar
SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 5307
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby SeekingChange » Tue Jan 16, 2018 8:03 pm

Yesterday, my husband finally got in and got his lab work done, won't have results for a day or two. Today he went in for a physical and I went with him. Things changed in that doctor visit. We have no PCP for us, so when my husband called a local clinic to set up an appointment for a physical, he probably told the receptionist his whole story and then told her, he wanted a man, someone his age (44) or older who might understand the issues he is having. The D.O. he got is a doctor who treats men for testosterone and takes it himself. He shared how he could save my husband money and showed the difference in cost of the lab work he just had done and he showed what he could get testosterone for at different pharmacies and he shared how he knows pharmacies that will do compounds and that he would let him come in or do his own injections at home. When the doctor asked my husband what he did, and he said he was a pastor, I was watching him and I could see his gears change in his head. It became obvious, without him saying he was a believer himself, that he was a believer. My husband decided that this was a "God thing". Since we don't have the results back from the lab work, there wasn't much he could do on the testosterone level. He didn't do the physical that Defy wanted, and he gave my husband a prescription for a generic Viagra to try out while in waiting, and then he wants my husband to come back in and to discuss how the prescription worked and to go over blood tests and to make a plan.

I have read enough on here, that I hope I know what I am looking for, and I am willing to follow my husband on this change, but I will be watching with a critical eye to see if this doctor will be as good as he sounds. I have a little bit of skepticism because of something he said about "normal numbers". The doctor made it clear that he would do what my husband wanted because he "worked" for him. Time will tell how this turn in the road goes. My husband was encouraged. It has helped that he has had a significant change in his sexual ability (all out ED issues) and that has made him realize that he HAS to do something.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

ledgemoor
Under the stars
Posts: 3074
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 7:31 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 3rd, 1982
Gender: Male

Re: RE: Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby ledgemoor » Tue Jan 16, 2018 9:50 pm

Hey SC--

So glad he is moving on this. I prefer a local doctor too, especially one who will take what I want into consideration. I would find out what education he has in this field. If he has some a4m training (a4m.com), that's good. Our old doctor was a pioneer in the bHRT field, had a lot of a4m training, and was probably one of the top bHRT guys in the country.

He retired, and the guy we are going to now was a GP that was new to the bHRT field. He knew less about it than DW and I did. We almost didn't go back. But he did prescribe what we asked him to, so we went a second time a year later. He was much more knowledgeable the 2nd time. I told him what I wanted. He disagreed and explained why in a way that I understood. It turns out he was right.

I would be hesitant to take Viagra now. AFAIK it is usually prescribed after testosterone, if the testosterone alone isn't solving the problem.

I guess it would be ok to take until the testosterone has time to kick in. Then stop taking it so he can adjust his testosterone level.

I don't know if you can become dependant on it or not. It does seem that it could become a psychological crutch.

I am speaking outside my area of experience. I have never taken it. Perhaps one of the other guys will comment.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

User avatar
Job29Man
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Posts: 8161
Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2006 3:52 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 2nd, 1980
Gender: Male
Location: Hobby Farm, USA

Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby Job29Man » Wed Jan 17, 2018 6:55 am

SeekingChange wrote:Today he went in for a physical and I went with him.
(emphasis mine) Right away I can see this is getting off on the right foot! How many times on TMB have we seen that the whole "seeking medical help for low libido" situation is doomed because the patient (whether male or female) insists on going to the doctor alone?

The fact that you both recognize this is a medical issue that affects you BOTH, and that you BOTH TOGETHER will meet with the professionals to solve it, is a wonderfully mature approach.

SeekingChange wrote:... He (told the doctor's office that he) wanted a man, someone his age (44) or older who might understand the issues he is having. The D.O. he got is a doctor who treats men for testosterone and takes it himself.
Again, your husband is a stand-up guy, showing motivation to really pursue a solution, unafraid to insist on what he wants, and getting good counsel because of his initiative. Another very good sign.

SeekingChange wrote:The doctor made it clear that he would do what my husband wanted because he "worked" for him. Time will tell how this turn in the road goes. My husband was encouraged. It has helped that he has had a significant change in his sexual ability (all out ED issues) and that has made him realize that he HAS to do something.
SC, your husband and you both have good reason to be encouraged. This looks really good. :D
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.


Return to “Male Orgasm Difficulties/Erectile Dysfunction”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users