UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Erectile disfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed orgasm, etc.
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happilymarriedkate
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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby happilymarriedkate » Tue Jan 27, 2015 4:54 am

Sorry for the delay in posting a further update. DH's T level is 215. I would love to hear what others have to say about this number and what worked for them. Also I welcome suggestions re: what kind of Dr we should go to and the specific meds in specific forms that worked best- in particular the HCG/T combo. He is terrified of testicular shrinkage and has verbalized not even attempting T therapy due to that fact. He was in such denial about having low T that when he received the test results and specific number he just panicked. He is willing to talk to a health professional now and has even asked me to accompany him. Thank you in advance for your info and advice!
~HM Kate

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby WifeLover79 » Tue Jan 27, 2015 5:52 am

You may want to search this site for low T issues. I came across a thread last week where a guy changed his lifestyle and started taking some supplements, and apparently increased from the 200s range to the 600s. If he has a serious issue with getting help from a doctor this may work. I don't remember the supplements he took, but I know it involved strength training, getting enough sleep, and greatly reducing alcohol consumption.

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby ledgemoor » Tue Jan 27, 2015 8:26 am

Hi Kate:

Glad your husband is onboard with getting something done about this and that he acknowledges that 215 is low. You are fortunate that his doctor didn't tell him that he is "low normal" and don't worry about it.

It's amazing that he is able to go three times a week consistently. I was around 275 and twice a week was the best I could hope for, and it was a chore to get anything to happen even then. He gets this fixed, he's going to be a real stud :lol:.

It is absolutely untrue that testosterone supplementation will cause testicular shutdown and atrophy. It CAN, if you take too much. But it can be managed with HCG as per TxTwinDad. However, even that is usually not necessary. I am not taking HCG, and after 4 years on TRT have had no shrinkage. My doctor reports that testicular atrophy is not a problem for the vast majority of his patients. The secret is a conservative dose. It took two months for it to kick in and 6 months or a year to have full effect, and while I'm not performing in bed like I was when I was 23, things are good. An occasional failure, but as a rule, I am usually good to go once a day or more, erections are as firm as ever, and morning wood is guaranteed.

I am in better physical shape that I have ever been in my life. The weight started coming off, and for the first time in my life I enjoy exercise.

So don't be afraid to take testosterone. His testicles will not shut down, and if on the off-chance they did, he can always stop the testosterone.

What he needs is a doctor specializing in bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy. There is more at play than testosterone. His thyroid and more needs to be checked out. Go to a4m.com and search for someone in your area. My doctor is a member. They have to pass some rigorous exams in anti-aging medicine. His AAAAM certificate is proudly displayed in the waiting room. His OB/GYN diploma back in one of his exam rooms.

PS: I've always gotten soft almost immediately ejaculation. I thought everyone did. We try to lie together and enjoy the closeness afterwards, but usually her vaginal muscles squeeze me out in a minute or two.

PPS: The only over-the-counter supplement that I have found, (not counting multivitimans, cal, mag, extra D etc. etc. that I have been taking for years), is L-Citrulline. It works very well. MyWifesMan has a big thread about it.
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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby OldMarriedLady » Tue Jan 27, 2015 12:16 pm

ledgemoor wrote:It is absolutely untrue that testosterone supplementation will cause testicular shutdown and atrophy. It CAN, if you take too much.

My husband's testicles DID shrink, noticeably, when he started on testosterone replacement. He was 53 years old and didn't want to take HCG because we didn't need to preserve his fertility and he didn't want the added expense. He was told beforehand that his testes might shrink but he didn't seem to care. He even jokes about his "quail eggs" :lol: from time to time. I just told him having them smaller makes them easier to work with during OS. :wink:

He is only taking a normal, conservative amount of testosterone so the shrinkage isn't from overuse.

My DH felt that the myriad benefits of testosterone replacement would totally outweigh the minor concern of smaller testicles, which for him is purely a cosmetic (not functional) issue. Nobody sees them except me, anyway.
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
(From the 1987 movie "Moonstruck", written by John Patrick Shanley)

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby ophelia » Tue Jan 27, 2015 3:10 pm

You will find that everyone's experience with T therapy is different. My dh had a number of 191 at age 33. We tried Androgel for six months but ended up doing injections. He now is up to 150 mg a week. That's kind of as high as I'd like him to go. He has NOT had testicular shrinkage. It's funny cause I have noticed that even though his libido has vastly improved and the ED is gone, he still goes flaccid very soon after ejaculation. It's not a huge problem though. He is able to perform a couple times a day now and I am very grateful.
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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby ophelia » Tue Jan 27, 2015 3:22 pm

I think you should join us over on the low T forum. Lots of good info there.
Dr. shopping may be in your future. Tell your dh not to be surprised. Lots of doctors are uneducated about this stuff. Including endocrinologists and urologists. You have to educate yourself and go in prepared to talk about what kind of results you want and therapies you've read about.
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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby happilymarriedkate » Tue Jan 27, 2015 5:32 pm

Thank you all for the replies and info!! Great suggestion, Ophelia, about going to the Low T forum. I will see you over there! :wink:
~HM Kate

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby Michael » Mon Mar 09, 2015 11:36 am

Any update happilymarriedkate? Have things got better?

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby lovinlife69 » Mon Mar 23, 2015 8:45 am

He is very well aware of the issue. I feel you should not bring it up. The one thing a man is generally interested in is pleasing their wife and if they're having trouble with it, they automatically feel bad about it. If you brought it up to him, it would affirm the fact that you're not being pleased. What I would recommend is when difficulties happen during sex, maybe introduce some toys that he can use on you. You still gain pleasure and he can still feel like he is pleasing you. But don't make an issue out of it. Try to stay upbeat as much as possible. A man's ego is VERY tied to their sexuality and performance!

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby blondie » Thu Mar 26, 2015 11:18 am

A cholestrol check might help.
It is marriage itself, not the marriage bed, that will be likely to hinder us from waiting uninterruptedly on God. C S Lewis

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby happilymarriedkate » Sun Sep 27, 2015 7:16 am

My apologies for not updating this thread sooner. There have been a few developments. DH basically did nothing about this issue for several months due to his concern over testical shrinkage. The only bio identical hormone specialist in our town, covered by our insurance, is a female. He was not comfortable going to her. He had told me that when and if he did go, he wanted me to attend. Of course, I was open to that. Months passed and I grew tired of the elephant in the room. I was very frustrated that he would let this continue( by "this" I mean significant decrease in erection quality) with no action whatsoever. Up until this point, I tried my very best to be very sensitive about this- not making it a central issue, making sure never to say anything during intimacy. I was beginning to not look forward to sex. That is when I realized I had to say something. In 23 years, there has only been one other time I felt this way and I went to the Dr. for it- lo and behold, my thyroid levels were off. I was given medicine and my drive came back. Needless to say, it is usually an indicator of something big when I don't look forward to sex.

So, I confronted him outside of the bedroom about the fact that he was not following through like he said he would. I provided several recent examples of the issue. He said he would make an appt and a few more months passed. I then ceased all conversation about it. If he mentioned it, I made a one or two word comment. I stopped initiating- which was VERY obvious. I will say that I ALWAYS responded if he initiated.

So, one random Tuesday a few weeks ago he comes home and says "I went to the dr. today." I wanted to throw five kinds of fits for not beng invited as he said I would be. I decided that I would be happy that he at least went. He decided to go back to his primary care physician. The Dr. stated that yes, his overall number was low (215- DH is 44) . Apparently they discussed all options and DH then says he came home with a prescription for.... Wait for it...diet pills. At this point, I wanted to SCREAM- to through a hissy fit, to cry and stomp my feet. Are you kidding?? I have been dealing with (excuse my classlessness for a minute) a limp penis during sex for WWAAYY too long! And I am supposed to be happy about diet pills? Apparently the thought was that if he lost a few lbs his testosterone would increase naturally. DH is approx 20 lbs overweight.

For those of you following this thread, you will recall me saying that, in the past, exercise has improved his erection quality. In his defense we have been incredibly busy since May with a move. However, if losing weight was where he was going to go with dealing with the erection issues, why wouldn't he just exercise? It was effective.

It has been three weeks and he has lost 6 lbs. He had to cut the recommended dose in half due to the side effects- agitation and sleeplessness. Erection quality continues to be an issue. Last night was horrible which prompted this post. I am tired of him "stuffing" a flaccid penis in me- to be frank. I am turned off by that. Also let me clarify by saying that during foreplay, there is some kind of erection- sometimes firm, sometimes emi- firm. It not as thought he cannot become erect at all. It is just that by the point of penetration, his penis is not always firm enough to enter without him manually assisting. He does not go back to the Dr. until Dec. which will be a year since the last blood test. They will do the blood work again and re-evaluate.

Another issue is- if we have sex only once a week- he is usually very firm. If we have it more often- which we are used to (3-4 times a week) he has these issues. I could try to limit the frequency for a better experience but that will be obvious (not to mention possibly counter- productive to our relationship) due to our typical pattern of frequency. At this point though, I would rather have quality than quantity. I know this isn't all about me or all about a firm erection. I know it is about intimacy and connectedness...but, WOW, I am sooo frustrated!!
~HM Kate

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby OldMarriedLady » Sun Sep 27, 2015 9:41 am

If I may ask, what is the name of the diet pill he is taking?
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
(From the 1987 movie "Moonstruck", written by John Patrick Shanley)

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby ophelia » Sun Sep 27, 2015 9:58 am

I can't think of any diet pill in which the positives would outweigh the negatives.

I just read your post to my husband. We have been in your shoes and I definitely feel your frustration. I would have thrown down the gauntlet by now. Keep in mind that men with T levels that low have a hard time with memory, consistency and follow through. It's time to stop avoiding stepping on his toes and to take charge for the sake of your marriage.
Come on darling
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In our bedrooms we are free
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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby MayDayGirl » Sun Sep 27, 2015 12:49 pm

Is this an MD prescribing a diet pill? That is completely wack and I'd be looking for a new doctor.

Is it possible for you to join him in an exercise and healthy eating regimen to encourage and support him?

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby Drob » Sun Sep 27, 2015 12:57 pm

I encourage you to talk to him, as a man I know this is a big issue and the stress of it compounds the problem. He is at the age when the equipment takes a little more effort to start working. But, my take on your comment he is losing Interest in sex and that is the cause. So don't assume talk. You might be surprised at what is going on in his mind. If he is honest and there are no unknown issues then its time to discuss with a doctor. Every year since my 40's my doctor asks me about my ability to maintain an erection because it's a natural thing for some men. Good luck and I'm praying for y'all.

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby happilymarriedkate » Sun Sep 27, 2015 1:37 pm

OML- he is taking phentermine (half of a 37.5mg dose) qd. Yes, his PCP prescribed it. Here is the thing about the PCP- he is the kind who would do anything DH asked. DH even said that if he would have asked for a gel or injections he would have been game. To be frank, I would like to stay with him in the case that DH will do T therapy, because the PCP will be easy to work with. He heard DH's concerns about testicle shrinkage and heard him question if weight loss would help. So, he supported this weight loss route. I think the phentermine was to jump start him. I do not agree with that. But I do not want to go to a Dr. that we will have to convince or one that would say "well it's not too low." He did tell DH that more frequent sex does lead to EQ issues, so he did kind of normalize that- which I disagree with considering his T levels.

This is not affecting DH's desire for frequency, surprisingly. I am the one who is getting frustrated and not looking forward to sex. To be honest, however, I think some of what is fueling his frequency of initiation is his attempt to convince himself that it is not an issue. He is a very stubborn man. However, he does acknowledge the issue when pressed.

May Day Girl- yes, I can participate in exercise and healthy eating with him. When he does exercise, he usually does that in early am whereas I cannot due to our work schedules/family responsibilities. I could exercise with him in the evening, however.

Ophelia- I know about the symptoms, he, of course minimizes them (the symptoms).

Over the years, I have thrown down the gauntlet re: many marital issues. I am a gauntlet throwing gal. I took a more sensitive approach to this because it was attached to his masculinity/manhood. I really attempted to view it from the "if I were in his shoes" perspective. Since the Dr said he would like to test the numbers again at the one year mark- early Dec., I am thinking I may have to wait until then for something to be done. I am more than willing, however, to come up with a plan of action prior to that appt. I also plan on telling him that I will be clearing my calendar that day to attend.
~HM Kate

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby SquarePants » Sun Sep 27, 2015 2:56 pm

happilymarriedkate wrote: Months passed and I grew tired of the elephant in the room. I was very frustrated that he would let this continue

One of the common symptoms of low testosterone is lack of initiative to do anything. If you are waiting for him to take the initiative, you may be waiting a long time.

Txtwindad had it completely right about HCG. A low dose of HCG (by injection) will prevent shrinkage). There's no need for this to be an issue.

I posted a book review of Dr. John Crissler's new book “Testosterone Replacement Therapy: A Recipe for Success”. It's a fairly short book which give a summary of the best known testosterone treatments.

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby neilethere » Mon Sep 28, 2015 2:38 am

Hey kate,

I know this isn't going to be popular ......... and you have demonstrated that you aren't prepared to do anything like this ......

BUT

have you thought about letting him orgasm and then pushing his head down between your thighs with a 'honey, would you mind finishing me with this way you just haven't been hard enough for the last few years'.

brutal, I know.

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby gusord » Mon Sep 28, 2015 2:25 pm

I have ED and we do things other than penis penetration. Tell your DH to keep trying and substitute oral sex when necessary.
gusord

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Re: UPDATE: Should I talk to DH about quality of erection?

Postby ledgemoor » Tue Sep 29, 2015 7:19 pm

SquarePants wrote:One of the common symptoms of low testosterone is lack of initiative to do anything. If you are waiting for him to take the initiative, you may be waiting a long time.
....
Txtwindad had it completely right about HCG. A low dose of HCG (by injection) will prevent shrinkage). There's no need for this to be an issue.

SquarePants is absolutely right. When my testosterone was low, I knew it was low, had given up any hope of ever recovering on my own, and was willing to go, but didn't take a lot of initiative in doing anything about it. DW made the appt., I went, get better, end of story.

Testicular shrinkage is not an issue that can't be addressed. I don't take HCG, and have had no shrinkage. My doctor says the majority of his patients do not have shrinkage and do not take HCG. But if he does, take the HCG. (The shrinkage is reversible, you know).

His GP is not knowledgeable enough about HRT to handle this. Since you're throwing down a gauntlet, insist that he be an adult about it and go see the lady doctor. If it makes him feel any better, my DW goes to a man. She won't see anything or touch him or even ask any detailed questions about his anatomy or love life.

We always go to the doctor together. It's good to have someone to take notes and make sure all the questions get answered. This is especially important when OUR sex life is at stake.

Don't let this slide. HRT is a lot cheaper than a divorce, and once he is better he will thank you :D.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)


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