Wish I Could Last Longer...

Erectile disfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed orgasm, etc.
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be64
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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby be64 » Thu Dec 17, 2015 7:53 am

I agree. For me intercourse is infinitely more pleasurable than masturbation. However I believe a man can train himself to last longer. I've done it myself.
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Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Husband_In_Training » Sun Dec 20, 2015 5:40 am

bigloop wrote:When and if the beta male gets to mate, he has to get it done quick if he expects to spread his genes.


That's it! I'm a beta male. :-)

OK - So maybe this is a better question. Anybody regularly have PIV sex 4 times a month or less and still able to last more than 1 minute of hard thrusting?


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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby SLS » Wed May 24, 2017 3:44 pm

Had some more success in this regard the other night with distraction techniques. DW and I played a game during sex where we picked a letter from the alphabet and had to think of animal names that started with that letter. The end result was the longest I have ever lasted during IC (or at least very close) and a very satisfying O.

It was very helpful for me to be able to shift my brain to "game mode" when I got too close to the edge. Even if I try my hardest to calm down when I get close to the point of no return I find it very difficult to hold back unless I have a distraction immediately available.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby tjw » Thu May 25, 2017 6:47 am

bigloop wrote: the beta male effect.


I'm, unfortunately a "beta" male. The training and discipline works to some degree. Any of us can make ourselves "better" at almost any activity. But to some belong the "natural" gifts, the "alpha" males. There are "alphas" in all forms of endeavor. Not just sex.

The "beta male effect" explained well here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2vN2QXZGnc&t=474s

Husband_in_training wrote:Anybody regularly have PIV sex 4 times a month or less and still able to last more than 1 minute of hard thrusting?


The "alphas" get all the PRACTICE. They naturally get better. For the betas, the practice is less frequent and harder to come by. This is also true in other activities, other than sex. It's true in business, arts, sciences too.

It's also true in marriage. Women married to "betas" are less interested in sex.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby bigloop » Thu May 25, 2017 7:18 am

Maybe I missed something or maybe that link is incorrect- this was a mathematics talk loosely framed around sexual behavior. I didn't see anything about alpha/beta??

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby be64 » Thu May 25, 2017 9:20 pm

SLS wrote:Had some more success in this regard the other night with distraction techniques.

I last by focusing on my pleasure rather than distracting myself from it. I know exactly at what point to pause in order to not go over the edge. If I was distracted I would likely go past that point and lose control.

tjw wrote: The "alphas" get all the PRACTICE.

I guess I'm an "alpha". I get a lot of practice and that practice has improved my ability tremendously.
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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby tjw » Fri May 26, 2017 3:08 am

bigloop wrote:I didn't see anything about alpha/beta??


She never uses the term. But, she gives an excellent model in the middle of her presentation about how male-female sexual activity is "equalized" in a mathematical model.... a group of 5 men and 5 women total to 9 sexual partnerships. One woman has only one partnership (with alpha male). The other 4 women have 2 partnerships each, one with alpha and with one beta. Each beta man has 1 partnership, and alpha man has 5 partnerships.

This is, of course, not given from a christian perspective, only from an observational perspective.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby poetess » Fri May 26, 2017 5:20 am

And yet we know that sex is marital intimacy, and having sex with more people does not make you better able to offer sexual love to one person. Theory fail.

And anyone, "alpha" or "beta" (which really aren't good categories for human beings, in my opinion) can practice and get better at something. We have very real limitations, and sometimes can say that a particular skill is outside our gift set and we'll never be in the top 10% of practictioners. But "I haven't had enough chances to practice" isn't a very good excuse. Learning to respect/love one's spouse isn't a specialized skill.
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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby bigloop » Fri May 26, 2017 6:51 am

It's kinda ironic how you hear men worrying about not lasting long enough and you also hear women worrying about taking too long. Kinda points to an optimized middle ground to be sought. Hmm?

I know that there are "clinical" cases of PE. I do sympathize with those fellas. It must be terribly frustrating when it's over almost before it really begins. It would make a man want to quit trying I'm sure. I hope they don't. But I don't think that is the majority of guys out there. I truly think for many "average" guys a lot of the anxiety is linked to pornography and the false narrative it teaches. The false narrative it has taught to greater society that unless you can pound for 30 minutes and ejaculate almost on demand then you're not a "real man." That's total horse feces! It's a lie. Its not even true in the porn film industry - it's a film trick. It's a lie that women in general expect or even enjoy that. I believe there is an optimum length of time and that it does vary some for various people and it can vary with the same couple depending on various circumstances - that's a lot of variables. Requiring 20 minutes of hard thrusting every time to ejaculate may sound like the ultimate sexual prowess, but to me it sounds tedious and boring - which are sexual satisfaction killers. Variation is the sugar in the tea.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby poetess » Sat May 27, 2017 2:51 pm

Bigloop, to me 20 to 30 minutes of hard thrusting sounds quite painful (and, yes, boring too). Mix it up a little and the whole event can last even longer than that--but I don't want 30 minutes of thrusting, and I can't imagine many women would--the soreness would last for days.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby be64 » Sat May 27, 2017 3:38 pm

For me hard thrusting is less pleasurable than slow gentle movements. However it usually takes a bit of hard thrusting to get me to the point that I am sensitive enough to enjoy the slow and gentle.

As far as lasting longer, I last as long as I want. For me ultimate pleasure comes from being in complete control of what I'm feeling from beginning until I decide to end. Accidentally finishing before I want to is always a disappointment but it doesn't happen very often.
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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Mortiki » Sat May 27, 2017 6:37 pm

Each has to find their way on this issue I suspect. Even today with a level of ED when I am finally at ready for PIV no control. Oh unless I do not move. Never been in control with any kind of thrusting slow of otherwise.

Last a good deal of time with other activity like oral and manual unless I thrust when manual is used. Add thrusting and it is basically over for me.

Thinking about it 20-30 years of single solo activity basically did not consist of thrusting. The shock came after marriage. Who knew?

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby be64 » Sat May 27, 2017 6:57 pm

For us PIV usually lasts at least 10-20 minutes but an hour or more is not out of the question if we have time.
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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby tjw » Sun May 28, 2017 6:32 am

poetess wrote:a particular skill is outside our gift set and we'll never be in the top 10% of practictioners. But "I haven't had enough chances to practice" isn't a very good excuse. Learning to respect/love one's spouse isn't a specialized skill.


But this problem is not one of love or respect for one's spouse. You are correct that loving and respecting our spouse is a choice that we make, whether "alpha" or "beta".... our predestination is irrelevant when it comes to that choice.

A guy who quit school in the 11th grade may love and respect his wife totally, but he will, in the majority case, earn only a submedian income. His wife will unmercilessly point out his deficiency for the rest of his life, because the "alpha" is there, if only in her mind, but mostly, the alpha "scored" her before him.... he is a "settle" who got picked for his "qualities" because his sexual abilities were "not the most important thing". Usually, those qualities are those based upon love and respect. The young alpha feels that he does not need to love and respect his "scores".

bigloop wrote:for many "average" guys a lot of the anxiety is linked to pornography and the false narrative it teaches


and, it can also be that his wife is the one who was "taught".... or, because of her promiscuity, had alphas along the way....

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby poetess » Sun May 28, 2017 5:46 pm

A guy who quit school in the 11th grade may love and respect his wife totally, but he will, in the majority case, earn only a submedian income. His wife will unmercilessly point out his deficiency for the rest of his life . . .


"Will," huh? I know several people who quit school and got a GED, or quit school and went on to college. It's not exactly impossible. Some of those who finished high school via GED earned more than I did with a college degree. "Fate" doesn't limit earning potential that way. Nor does "fate" address whether or not a woman respects her husband. I know men who make little money--enough to support their families, but without luxury--but they work hard, they're honorable men, and they have the respect of their peers and their families.

If I were talking to that fate-tolerating husband, I'd tell him to quit listening to that nonsense and work at being a good husband and expect his wife to respect the man she chose, knowing when she chose him what education he had attained and what job he worked. The level one attains in the workplace has little to do with whether one has a college degree, in most jobs, so giving in to fate is making excuses, if that man isn't working a job that makes full use of his skills. People also get college degrees in their 40s, 50s, and later all the time--I just went to a graduation party this spring for one middle-aged person who just finished college.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby tjw » Wed May 31, 2017 10:06 am

poetess wrote:If I were talking to that fate-tolerating husband, I'd tell him to quit listening to that nonsense and work at being a good husband and expect his wife to respect the man she chose


Would this be what you said to YOUR husband if he were "fate-tolerating" ?

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Barbarah-Hephizibah » Mon Jun 26, 2017 11:06 am

BatBoy08 wrote: <snip> can anything be done to help with this?


Do you and your wife have drastic different libidos?

How often do you have sex?

The rapid ejaculation might be from sensory overload.

Here are some possible solutions.

1.) Continue having sex with you wife.

2.) In addition to being sexual with your wife, masturbate 1 or 2 times per week. Each time should last 15 minutes, no less. Using a scale from 0 - 10. Zero means not aroused. Ten means ejaculation (point of no return). Stay around the level 3-7 (simmering), bouncing back and forth. When 7 is hit, slow down until you are back to a 3.You want to stay within the simmering range.

4.) In addition, experiment with different positions, in which wife still gets pleasure, but you have more lasting ability.

5.) If the wife or husband has a favorite position, start the session with the more lasting ability position, then move on to the favorite one.

6.) Don’t start with pelvic thrusts. Enter wife, stay there, be sensual, instead of sexual, after a couple minutes get started.

May the force (God) be with you! ~BH (who needs to get ready for a dive)

Note: In a relationship, a sexual problem is never a “you” problem or a “me” problem. It is always a “we” problem because both are impacted by it.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Mortiki » Mon Jun 26, 2017 4:49 pm

Thanks BH

Cool well thought out response for PE.
Last edited by Mortiki on Sat Jul 22, 2017 5:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby new wife » Thu Jun 29, 2017 7:22 am

We - well my husband - only experience this in one position. Recently we tried using a little K-Y Duration when we are planning on that position and I have to say that it really works! You may need to experiment with the dosage. We've even found that after using it off and on for several months, he has even better control without it.

Maybe others will be as fortunate.

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Re: Wish I Could Last Longer...

Postby Mortiki » Sat Jul 01, 2017 12:26 pm

I have no real decision on the lube affect. But I think you have a valuable input for some concerning PE. For some it might be the extra ingredient that puts them on a better path. Like extra lube combined with others inputs here?

And of course know now that this was discussion on desensitizing spray sorry.
Last edited by Mortiki on Mon Jul 03, 2017 3:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.


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