ED and self confidence

Erectile disfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed orgasm, etc.
Brianna
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ED and self confidence

Postby Brianna » Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:20 am

My DH has suffered from ED for our entire marriage which is 5 years. He's getting a penile implant next month. He is a wonderful husband. He is very attentive, caring any protective. Sometimes he seems to over compensate and he seems nervous. For example, we went on a cruise recently. I was in the bathroom washing up before bed. Instead of tapping on the door to let me know he needed to use the restroom, he actually left our stateroom in his pjs to find a public restroom. I thought this was absurd and was really annoyed. I told him all he needed to do was let me know he needed to go to the bathroom. He said he didn't want to interrupt. What???? The only thing I can think of that he just doesn't want to "rock the boat" where I'm concerned. Career wise and in church leadership he is strong. But when it comes to me he seems clueless. Is this behavior a sign of him having low confidence as a result of his ED? Your thoughts?

tjw
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Re: ED and self confidence

Postby tjw » Mon Mar 13, 2017 7:17 am

The connection between ED and self-confidence for us men is well understood and documented. However, I don't see the correlation here.

This action is like the Dudley Doright cartoon where he lays down his red mountie blazer over a puddle that Nell is about to cross.

He goes beyond duty to make your life better in this small way because he wants you to know that above all, you are cherished, respected, and loved. There is nothing in this world a man wants to be, more than his wife's "hero". And, this is one way he can.

Brianna wrote:Career wise and in church leadership he is strong. But when it comes to me he seems clueless.


This action is also one which comes from his strength. We men sacrifice for our wives. It's what we do in obedience to "love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it". He may be "clueless" as to how you interpret the action, and to what your "love language" is, but it sounds like, to me, you have a terrific man there.

Brianna wrote:He is a wonderful husband. He is very attentive, caring any protective.


Yep, you can put this action into that "bag".

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jokerman
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Re: ED and self confidence

Postby jokerman » Mon Mar 13, 2017 9:49 am

I've done the same thing your husband did. We were in a hotel, and I simply left the room to use the public restroom rather than bug my wife who was doing her hair in our hotel bathroom. It wasn't a confidence thing so much as the inconvenience of trying to navigate the reality of two people/one bathroom.

The ED situation sounds like a serious issue. Him choosing another bathroom probably isn't.

Brianna
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Re: ED and self confidence

Postby Brianna » Mon Mar 13, 2017 11:03 am

Thanks guys.

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OldBear
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Re: ED and self confidence

Postby OldBear » Mon Mar 13, 2017 11:32 am

My perspective is similar to Jokerman. When we travel I always give Mrs. Oldbear 'space' for her time in the bathroom. It's not a modesty issue, it's a personal time and space issue. We love shower time together and being naked or parading around naked is enjoyable and no big deal for us.

Knowing your DH's age (over 60), the ED issue sounds to be a separate issue to address. The fact that he is proceeeding to get a penile implant suggests that he (the two,of you) have exhausted possible reasons for his ED (based on your your previous postings). If he is intimately, visually, physically tentative with you, sexually - self-conscious with being naked together, touching, etc. - that's an issue to address. As you've written he is a 'newbie' to the marriage bed and an 'old dog learning new tricks' is not always easy, as this 'old bear' knows all too well! If he's self-confident outside the bedroom, he ought to be able to be so in the bedroom.

One other question/thought. Who's the main initiator for sex - you or him? If you chiefly initiate, it may cause him to 'clutch.' He may be experiencing performance pressure; one sure factor in causing his difficultly to achieve and sustain an erection.

Brianna
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Re: ED and self confidence

Postby Brianna » Tue Mar 14, 2017 5:47 am

We are at a place where our sexual time is scheduled. No one initiates. It's mutual.

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TJC
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Re: ED and self confidence

Postby TJC » Tue Mar 14, 2017 6:07 am

I tend to agree with every one else, that you're probably reading too much into this particular incident.
This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16


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