Wife wears me out

Erectile disfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed orgasm, etc.
Logan
Newbie
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2017 7:49 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 9th, 2015
Gender: Male

Wife wears me out

Postby Logan » Mon Jun 05, 2017 7:44 pm

Hi, forgive me if I'm in the wrong section but thought this would maybe be the best fit. Some background my wife and I have had some issues in the past with things not working correctly but they are slowly getting better. My wife recently got off birth control as we may start trying to have a kid. What I didn't realize the implant she had appears to have dampened her sex drive quite a bit so we have went from a couple of times a week to like every day. Thing is I can't seem to do it every day. After like five days of it sex I can still get hard but not as easily and I really don't feel like ejaculating. I suppose I could avoid ejaculating every day but as we are somewhat trying to get pregnant she likes it when I do plus she just likes it in general. I'm 28 and she's almost 21 so I'm wondering what should I normally be able to do. I feel worn out and feel bad I can't keep up with her. Every other day is fine but having an orgasm every day is hard.

ItsJustUs
Double
Posts: 89
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2017 2:44 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 5th, 2006
Gender: Female
Location: South Carolina

Re: Wife wears me out

Postby ItsJustUs » Mon Jun 05, 2017 7:50 pm

Not a man :D but when we were trying to get pregnant a few years ago my husband had similar thoughts. Normally he could ML just about every day. There was something about doing it trying to get pregnant, though. I think we had a time where three weeks in a row we ML at least once a day and sometimes 2 times. Every time was missionary for best chance of pregnancy. It probably didn't help that his work was very stressful then and he was working long hours, but I remember him asking me one evening if we could take a day off.

(Edited because I wrote WOT earlier. With him on top he was doing all the work and that may have added to the tiredness)
Last edited by ItsJustUs on Mon Jun 05, 2017 8:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 5132
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: Wife wears me out

Postby SeekingChange » Mon Jun 05, 2017 7:55 pm

I don't known if things have changed, but 20 years ago, it was actually recommended to do every other day so that the sperm count could grow. And the sperm lives long enough that it can fertilize the egg on "off" days, so you are fully covered.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

Logan
Newbie
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2017 7:49 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 9th, 2015
Gender: Male

Re: Wife wears me out

Postby Logan » Tue Jun 06, 2017 4:21 am

Thanks for the replies. I have heard a couple different schools of thought on how often to get pregnant. Some of it though isn't just getting pregnant though as my wife is having her period now and is giving me a break after 6 days straight but she said she would be glad to continue having sex atleast once a day did I was up to it. The other day we had sex and within 30 minutes she's like I really want sex again. Maybe it's just coming off the birth control since she had an implant. I told her I would be glad to use vibrators etc. So we may need to do more of that. I guess the whole thing is just hard on my ego. :(

rdierdorf
Twin size
Posts: 26
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2016 3:11 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): September 26th, 1980
Gender: Male
Location: Katy, TX

Re: Wife wears me out

Postby rdierdorf » Tue Jun 06, 2017 8:38 am

I only wish my situation had been more like yours when I was newly married! I was the high drive spouse and could never get enough. :( Things evened out over time, though, and I'm sure it will with you two. Just show each other a lot of grace, and bless God that He gave you a wife who truly desires intimacy with you regularly. Men are often accused of desiring sex purely for the physical satisfaction. I thought that way for a long time. But I finally realized that what I desired was intimacy with my wife. Explore this with your wife. I think you'll find that while she has a strong physical sexual desire, it is primarily a desire for you, a need only you can satisfy. Find ways to achieve that intimacy while not wearing yourself out. There are ways to give her satisfaction without PIV intercourse.

By the way, don't let the desire to conceive a child get in the way of your sexual intimacy. We had a hard time conceiving (low sperm count and motility) and the frequent intercourse and checking her ovulation and pressure of trying to succeed, emotionally wore out both of us. For the first time in my life, sex became a chore. Orgasms became work and were not very fulfilling. Please don't let conception override the relational aspect of your lovemaking, in my opinion the most important aspect.
Striving to be an Ephesians 5 husband

themrs
Double
Posts: 87
Joined: Mon Jul 08, 2013 7:20 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 1st, 2002
Gender: Female

Re: Wife wears me out

Postby themrs » Tue Jun 06, 2017 8:42 am

Logan wrote:Thanks for the replies. I have heard a couple different schools of thought on how often to get pregnant. Some of it though isn't just getting pregnant though as my wife is having her period now and is giving me a break after 6 days straight but she said she would be glad to continue having sex atleast once a day did I was up to it. The other day we had sex and within 30 minutes she's like I really want sex again. Maybe it's just coming off the birth control since she had an implant. I told her I would be glad to use vibrators etc. So we may need to do more of that. I guess the whole thing is just hard on my ego. :(


That's understandable. I imagine most people in your shoes would feel the same way. Have you told her this? If not, please do. (Not right after she's asked for sex....some more neutral time of day). Tell her your physical problems and that it isn't HER (going to need lots of affirmation here) but that it's embarrassing you and could you work out an agreement for every other day or X times per week or watching her masturbate with toys on your days off or something.

But the biggest thing here is that she has to be told how you feel.

Logan
Newbie
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2017 7:49 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 9th, 2015
Gender: Male

Re: Wife wears me out

Postby Logan » Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:07 am

The last two replies are really good advice. I guess I should have clarified that I have told her and I think were coming to an agreement on how often (she wants four times a week). I'm kind of trying to get a feel for what's normal though. She's mentioned before she thought most guys can do once a day from what she has read online so I'm wondering should I be able to do more? If it's every single day I have so much trouble finishing and eventually it feels like nothing even comes out (that was after like 6 days straight). My wife is very understanding I'm just kind of frustrated. I guess my body is unique to me I just read online and wonder if I'm normal.

User avatar
SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 5132
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: Wife wears me out

Postby SeekingChange » Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:12 am

I don't know what "normal" is either, but if you are really concerned, get your testosterone checked.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

ItsJustUs
Double
Posts: 89
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2017 2:44 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 5th, 2006
Gender: Female
Location: South Carolina

Re: Wife wears me out

Postby ItsJustUs » Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:19 am

Don't worry about what is "normal" or what "most guys" do. Your wife needs to understand you are not "most guys". You are you. My husband fit the every day or more often category when we got married. As I said though he began to want a break when we were trying to get pregnant. I think it was the combination of a stressful time at work with long days, him always on top doing all the work, pressure to conceive when I was at my peak fertility, and just an overall pressure to perform that he couldn't keep maintaining for so many days in a row.

What is important is that you two agree on how to handle frequency. Something like if she needs to ML 4 times a week, but is willing for you to give her OS or manually bring her to O 1 of those times.

Also maybe think about if there's anything going on with you physically or emotionally that might be helping make you more tired than usual right now. Stress at work or home really affects us and sometimes we don't see how it does.

doug-h
Hammock
Posts: 1238
Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2015 5:11 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 20th, 1982
Gender: Male

Re: Wife wears me out

Postby doug-h » Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:51 am

I think one of the more important aspects of your post is that you recognize that there is an issue that needs to be resolved, and care enough to seek a resolution.

The resolution may well be continued communication between your wife, and a little give and take.

Every day sounds great to me, in theory, but I know I would not be able to sustain that indefinitely. If my wife requested it, I would certainly do my best, but I have no doubt that it would not always be PIV to climax. There would have to be some variety, not just for the sake of rest, but for the sake of variety itself.

At 28, you are probably nearing your prime physically, but sexually, you may well be movjng past it. That isn't a problem so much as a fact of life, and as has been pointed out, there are treatments that can extend that to one degree or another. I'm not sure if all the T in the world would make every day a reasonable long term expectation for you or your wife.

Logan
Newbie
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2017 7:49 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 9th, 2015
Gender: Male

Re: Wife wears me out

Postby Logan » Tue Jun 06, 2017 11:47 am

Thank you doug-h I think your right about the continued communication. It is definitely taking some getting used to as I was used to being the higher drive spouse. I'm glad though she is starting to enjoy herself more and really get into it. I think this answers my questions and I appreciate the advice.

User avatar
Learning1
Hammock
Posts: 1036
Joined: Mon Jul 15, 2013 2:06 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): February 15th, 2014
Gender: Female

Re: Wife wears me out

Postby Learning1 » Tue Jun 06, 2017 2:36 pm

Hi Logan,

When DH and I were first married he was surprised that at times my sex drive is higher than his. I know from reading online you'd think that could never occur. It is probably more common that you think. Know that when she does become pregnant her hormones and sex drive may go through swings of high and low times. Kudos to you for asking hard questions and seeking advice !
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” C.S. Lewis


Return to “Male Orgasm Difficulties/Erectile Dysfunction”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users