Stupid question about male "build-up"

What science can tell us about sex.
User avatar
The Twit
Blanket on a secluded beach!
Posts: 1866
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2006 1:13 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 14th, 1993
Gender: Male
Location: Somewhere in the Upper Midwest

Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby The Twit » Tue Oct 03, 2017 12:54 pm

I have read a few times on this site the comment from some men that they seem to have specific feelings of buildup when they do not have sex for a day to several days. What exactly is this feeling? I know this is a weird question from a 52 year older but I am trying to explain it to other people (my wife and my sons as they learn about their urges and learn to control their urges). I know what I feel like and have been able to suppress or ignore due to years of little to no sex and little to no outlet for said urges. (I really cannot masterbate at home for various reasons.)

I do know that with a week or two of no activity I will get a feeling of congestion in the base of my penis near my prostate. And everyonce in a while after certain BMs I will get a leakage of thick seminal fluid. Back about 7 years or so ago I asked my doctor about this and he said it was normal and not to worry. Likewise, if I massage that area and relax in the shower I will get similar leakage and release of the congestion. I really never had this sensation until more recent years. The congestion is like a pipe is blocked and needs to be cleared out or I have to pee but there is nothing in the bladder due to just emptying my bladder.

Is this an issues with the prostate getting bigger and older? Is this the same feeling others get when they feel the build up and need to have release or they will explode? Or does this "build-up" feel different for each man?

rdierdorf
Twin size
Posts: 39
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2016 3:11 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): September 26th, 1980
Gender: Male
Location: Katy, TX

Re: Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby rdierdorf » Tue Oct 03, 2017 8:46 pm

A man's body is normally constantly preparing him for his next ejaculation. Some of it of course is in a man's mind and is influenced by his arousal level. But I'm convinced that the seminal vesicles are the real source. Most of a man's semen is made by these two glands. They are below and behind the prostate, and after an ejaculation, they begin to refill again almost immediately. The length of time varies from man to man and with age, but we men are designed by God to have frequent ejaculations. The seminal vesicles are small, but their location is such that when full, they can press on nerves in the area. They can also have pressure on them from a full rectum or bladder, so the signals can be mixed. It has nothing to do with the testicles or sperm production. I'm shooting blanks after my vasectomy over 25 years ago, and I still get this sense of pressure. I used to think that my body was sensing pressure that meant I had to use the bathroom one way or the other, but when I learned about the seminal vesicles, I finally understood that the pressure or fullness was not that. For me, I feel the pressure behind the base of my penis, lower than my bladder, and more forward than my rectum. By the way, I read that a French team was researching scientifically the relation between full seminal vesicles and sexual arousal. Don't know if they ever made a correlation. And don't feel bad about not knowing this about your body. I didn't find all this out until about a year ago, and I just turned 60!
Striving to be an Ephesians 5 husband

tjw
King bed
Posts: 559
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2016 3:34 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): April 17th, 2010
Gender: Male

Re: Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby tjw » Wed Oct 04, 2017 3:34 am

At 65, the "build-up" takes about twice as long as it did when I was 45 and younger. Then, it was about 3-4 days, now it's about 7 or 8. But surely, it does come. I feel the pressure somewhere between the penis and the rectum. The more noticeable effect of it is that I have to stop myself from looking at women and thinking sexual thoughts.

I have been remarking to myself over the last couple of years about how the build-up happens even though I have dry ejaculation. This seems to be retrograde ejaculation as a side-effect of Flomax. I have BPH and difficult urination which is eased by the Flomax.

User avatar
OldBear
King bed
Posts: 706
Joined: Thu Feb 07, 2008 5:58 pm

Re: Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby OldBear » Wed Oct 04, 2017 4:00 am

If it's been 10 days since an ejaculation, when it occurs I have a deep achy, enhanced pleasurable feeling in the seminal vessels. That indicates that it's been too long since the previous ejaculation. Biologically, men need to ejaculate every few days (per my urologist).

User avatar
The Twit
Blanket on a secluded beach!
Posts: 1866
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2006 1:13 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 14th, 1993
Gender: Male
Location: Somewhere in the Upper Midwest

Re: Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby The Twit » Wed Oct 04, 2017 7:13 am

This is what I am looking for. I have known about this in me for at least 13 years since my wife started refusing.

As a follow-up to the original question comes the question: What happens if you do nothing to relieve the build-up? I am looking for the physical and psychological issues that arise when a man does nothing or a wife is not willing to help release the build-up. Under a separate post I will explore the what is biblically allowed to relieve the build-up / pressure.

rdierdorf
Twin size
Posts: 39
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2016 3:11 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): September 26th, 1980
Gender: Male
Location: Katy, TX

Re: Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby rdierdorf » Wed Oct 04, 2017 9:05 am

Here's my experience during refusal. During the time of increased physical pressure, sexual cues become more insistent. If nothing was done, my body would sometimes take care of itself during sleep. More often, I either dealt with it myself (very unfulfilling) or ignored it until it went away. That was difficult, and while I don't think it does any physical damage (there is evidence that it's bad for your prostate health), it was very damaging emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. What you're physically feeling is real, it's an objective fact. Don't let anyone try to convince you it's all in your head. But while you can do things to relieve the physical pressure, it does nothing for your wellbeing. God made us men this way, and we need to understand all the implications of sexual refusal in marriage.
Striving to be an Ephesians 5 husband

Oklahoma
Hammock
Posts: 956
Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2007 9:04 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): March 3rd, 1976
Gender: Male

Re: Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby Oklahoma » Wed Oct 04, 2017 9:45 am

I've never noticed a physical change, or pressure, after long periods without ejaculating, and I travel a lot on business.
Hornier.....check!
Untimely erections.....check!
And when I do get home to DW, first chance is a 2 minute drill.....check!
And, a major volume released.....check!

Past that....no aches and pains.

User avatar
wyseguy
King bed
Posts: 601
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 2010 9:43 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): October 24th, 1998
Gender: Male
Contact:

Re: Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby wyseguy » Wed Oct 04, 2017 4:13 pm

For me, there are a couple things.

First, a full feeling in that general area. Sometimes I can feel it behind the twins but mostly around the base (especially the top of the base). That full feeling first becomes noticeable about 24 hours after ejaculation. After 48 hours, the full feeling has become a full blown ache. After 72 hours, random erections from partial to achingly hard start and the twins get achey. By 5 days, I'm woke up at least once a night because sleeping on an erection isn't comfortable. After that, wet dreams start entering the picture depending on my arousal level when I go to sleep.

The other part is mental. After 24 hours, I am acutely aware that I need to have sex again. After 48, the need becomes urgent. After 72 hours, other women I encounter during the day become a slight distraction. By 5 days, concentration becomes increasingly difficult. After that, porn becomes an increasingly serious temptation and I am catching my eyes wandering. I get increasingly handsy with my bride after 24 hours. If more than a week goes by, I'm chasing my bride around the house like a Benny Hill sketch but way less funny.

Volume definitely increases the longer I go without. This gets progressively worse if I am aroused regularly. Biologically, MB usually resets me back about half way from where I am (so if I'm 3 days without, MB will bump me back to about where I am after 24 hours) and sex will reset things completely. Mentally, MBing does little to reset anything.

User avatar
C_Brown
Fell out of ...
Posts: 1329
Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2013 6:08 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1984
Gender: Male

Re: Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby C_Brown » Wed Oct 04, 2017 4:51 pm

The Twit wrote: What happens if you do nothing to relieve the build-up?

If you do nothing what normally happens is you wind up having a wet dream and you get a release that way and the cycle starts over. I don't think there are any physical and psychological issues other than the effect of refusal on emotional and relationship health.
So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing -- Yvaine (in the movie Stardust)

User avatar
Job29Man
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Posts: 8032
Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2006 3:52 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 2nd, 1980
Gender: Male
Location: Hobby Farm, USA

Re: Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby Job29Man » Thu Oct 05, 2017 7:56 am

The Twit wrote:What happens if you do nothing to relieve the build-up? I am looking for the physical and psychological issues...


After 4-7 days without sex :|

Physically -- I get easily aroused, by nothing in particular. Just wake up with, or walk around with, an erection. Just the sense of my skin inside my jeans as I walk can cause arousal.

Psychologically -- More easily lose my train of thought, drift into fantasy land, intensely focused on sex with wife. I'll get impatient, sometimes a bit snippy, but only with her, not with others. She never refuses, but there can be times she delays or negotiates away. If she forgets about my sense of urgency and instead schedules something that prevents us from having sex, I can get impatient or even cross. I seldom let this show as anything more than a statement of disappointment, but inside I can smolder.

After 7-10 days :(
Rarely, rarely would it go this long. The longer it goes the worse it gets. If for some reason I perceive that she is neglecting me and it's been longer than 7 days I can feel indignant and simply insist that "it's got to be now." I'm not asking, I'm telling (nicely) at that point.

After 14 days :evil:
We've approached this limit just a few times in our more than 30 years of marriage, almost always the result of business trips by one or both of us, combined with some kind of sickness or emergency. There would be a meeting. 14 days? I'm "ready to kill something" :lol: :roll: My brain can't focus well on matters of business or family by this time. This is "emergency time." If it truly can't be solved then I take care of business myself, total last resort, rare.

I can't imagine what some of the men on this site go through in speaking of weeks or MONTHS :shock: without PIV!

Sarah understands this and accommodates. It's like there's an alarm clock in her head that goes "rrrriinnnnggggg" after about a week, then she comes and finds me and takes me somewhere for some kind of quickie, often PIV in the shower since that is pretty easy to pull off even when a guest in someone else's home. If we are travelling in a car, it could take the form of her saying "husband, find some woods to pull off into and I'll give you a BJ to tide you over for a while."

30 Days?? :shock: ::xx
We've never let it go to a whole month, but if I were to ever perceive the kind of neglect that would go a whole month I'd regard that as a very serious marriage problem issue that needed emergency processing, an emergency meeting. It would indicate a grave problem in our marriage.
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.

User avatar
The Twit
Blanket on a secluded beach!
Posts: 1866
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2006 1:13 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 14th, 1993
Gender: Male
Location: Somewhere in the Upper Midwest

Re: Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby The Twit » Thu Oct 05, 2017 9:34 am

14 days? I'm "ready to kill something" :lol: :roll: My brain can't focus well on matters of business or family by this time. This is "emergency time." If it truly can't be solved then I take care of business myself, total last resort, rare.


I am going to say that based on what I have read about your relationship with your wife I am thinking she starts to see that you are getting a bit irritated and because of your relationship she will do something to help you out to keep you on an even keel.

I understand this. I get the same feeling. I am one who has gone the 30 days plus and I do know that I am in a constant grumpy mood and not really a nice guy to be around. Any little thing could anger me or make me emotional.

As for the physical I am seeing that there is a general discomfort, low grade pain in the area I would call the taint, behind the testicles and befor the anus. The discomfort can loop around the base of the penis.

As for the emotional this does affect us in various ways. Now is this from not having contact with your wife and is similar to when you were not married? Is it from frustration of seeing and interacting with your wife but knowing you cannot do something? Is it just the hormones acting up and causing us to be more emotional?

Does anybody know of any scientific study that shows that steady constant release allow for a steady flow of Testosterone? Or that without the release the flow of T through the man's body is blocked? If you do nothing to eliminate the build up in the system then there is no need to produce more so why produce T to get the pump going. Drierdorf mentioned about this possibly affecting the prostate? Is there any study on this?

As for discussing this, JobMan says his wife is aware and he has an open dialogue with her. How many other men have wive's that are willing to discuss this issue and/or willing to learn and accept this as a true physical phenomena?

Second part of this is how to help our sons understand their body, understand what they need to do to keep this problem in control. is this urge part of the feeding into the pornography addiction of some men? I can see this as a leading contributing factor of affairs, physical or mental. So controlling the build up is soemthing that a father should instruct his son's without introducing porn and other items? How did you or how are you planning to discuss this with your sons?

User avatar
Dale
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Posts: 3077
Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2004 7:46 am
Location: Somewhere between Mordor and Rivendell

Re: Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby Dale » Thu Oct 05, 2017 11:22 am

The Twit wrote:Does anybody know of any scientific study that shows that steady constant release allow for a steady flow of Testosterone? Or that without the release the flow of T through the man's body is blocked? If you do nothing to eliminate the build up in the system then there is no need to produce more so why produce T to get the pump going. Drierdorf mentioned about this possibly affecting the prostate? Is there any study on this?


I'm not aware of any studies that link testosterone production to frequent ejaculation, but I do know that studies have been done that indicate a beneficial effect on the prostate. We have had guys on the boards who have said that their urologist told them that an ejaculation every 1-3 days is necessary to keep the prostate (and I would guess seminal vesicles) healthy and functioning normally.

The Twit wrote:Second part of this is how to help our sons understand their body, understand what they need to do to keep this problem in control. is this urge part of the feeding into the pornography addiction of some men? I can see this as a leading contributing factor of affairs, physical or mental. So controlling the build up is soemthing that a father should instruct his son's without introducing porn and other items? How did you or how are you planning to discuss this with your sons?


My sons are now grown, but when they were in the 10-12 age range and puberty was just starting I took them both out separately for a father/son weekend. We went to an indoor water park/hotel and had a great time, and during those weekends I intentionally brought up and talked with them about what was going to happen with their bodies, with their minds, and with their spirits as they matured. It was a little awkward, of course, but it really helped lay the groundwork for both of them being open with me as they grew about their own struggles and questions. Part of that instruction dealt with masturbation and pornography, as I did not want either of them linking the two and wanted them to have a clear and Biblical viewpoint of their sexuality. It was a very special time with each of them, and I believe the benefits have been huge in their lives to this day.

Dale

Her Husband
Newbie
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2016 10:05 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 16th, 1998
Gender: Male

Re: Stupid question about male "build-up"

Postby Her Husband » Wed Oct 18, 2017 9:28 am

The Twit wrote:As for discussing this, JobMan says his wife is aware and he has an open dialogue with her. How many other men have wive's that are willing to discuss this issue and/or willing to learn and accept this as a true physical phenomena?


My wife does not seem comfortable talking about frequency. Several years ago we were going through the Love Languages book. She told me that sex was just not a priority for her then. Our kids were pretty young at the time and I thought things might change as they got older and required less direct attention.

It's not happened and when I've tried to iniate a conversation about our frequency, she just doesn't seem to have an interest in talking about it.

After some discussion, I decided last year to get a vasectomy. We had some great conversations when discussing this. During the consult, the urologist told us that after the procedure I should bring in a lab sample after 3 months and 30 ejaculations. A couple days later I asked my wife about that and whether she thought that was a number we could hit. She gave a very short "I don't know." I could tell she had no interest in discussing it. So, here we are 9 months later and I don't have a clear test result. I've given up trying to talk to her about those things as they just seem to make her uncomfortable, though, that wasn't always the case.


Return to “The Science of Sex”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users